Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Bra Enforcement Officer. He’s the…

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Week of April 8, 2010

Put those things in a holster. First up…

The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans

It is not surprising that a substandard police lieutenant would be assigned to patrol the streets of post-hurricane New Orleans. What is shocking, however, is that, unlike most things related to the Big Easy relief effort, this bad lieutenant is not financed through the Canadian government.

Subsequent to rescuing a prisoner from the rising floodwaters, New Orleans police Sergeant Terrence McDonagh (Nicolas Cage) is promoted to police lieutenant. Unfortunately, his act of heroism left him a hunched-back painkiller addict, who now uses his clout to gain harder drugs and sexual favours from unsuspecting citizens.

But despite his incongruous behaviour, McDonagh is a first-rate detective who's determined to bring the killer of a family of immigrants to justice, while also trying to maintain a relationship with a prostitute (Eva Mendes).

Directed by Werner Herzog, The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans is a finely acted and fascinating psychotropic trip through the mind of conundrum whose chemical compulsions make him a hero and a villain at the same time.

And while media outlets like to drone on about the failure of the city’s dykes, I can assure you that New Orleans’ lesbian community is doing the best job they can.  0

The Collector

People like to collect anything and everything, from butterflies and comic books to financial debt and phone calls where the receiving party pays for the charges.

However, the only things that the fervent enthusiast in this horror movie likes to amass are human bodies.

Desperate to pay-off a loan shark who’s threatening his ex-wife and child, recently paroled ex-con Arkin (Josh Stewart) decides to break into the home of a well-to-do family, where he works as a handyman, and steal a priceless jewel.

Under the assumption that the family is out-of-town, Arkin forces his way into the residence only to discover that someone else is already there, someone who has outfitted the habitat with elaborate traps. Now, it’s up to Arkin to save the remaining family members and escape the booby-trapped abode before the cloaked collector (Juan Fernandez) can add them to his creepy catalogue.

Though it has all the makings of a horror franchise, including a malicious main character with a stockpile of subterfuges, The Collector, unfortunately, is too late to the already beleaguered torture-horror genre.

As for how to avoid becoming an item of interest to a fanatical collector of individuals, simply remove yourself from your original packaging.  0

***House Broke In***

The People Under the Stairs

To make the most out of your B & E experience, twist your ankle on the way out and sue the homeowner for damages.

Unfortunately, the budding bugler in this movie is unable to obtain a settlement for pain and suffering incurred outside this particular home, because he cannot escape it.

With his family facing eviction, 13-year-old Fool (Brandon Quintin Adams) breaks into his landlords’ home to steal a prized coin collection. Once inside, however, he discovers more residents than first believed, including a maltreated daughter and multitudes of mutants living inside the walls. Unable to escape, Fool must team-up with the creatures in order to best the couple keeping them all confined there.

An innovative and entertaining adventure, The People Under the Stairs sets horror movie conventions on their ears.

As for the best way to escape a house: crawl inside a garbage bag and sit by the backdoor.

He's Trespassed Out. He's the...

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