He’s a Damage Control Freak. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of June 29, 2013
Shoot the flood! First up…
The Call
In a perfect world you could just text an emoticon of your emergency to 9-1-1.
However, this thriller doesn’t take place in Utopia, so an operator is still required.
Reeling from a home invasion call she received days ago from a young woman who was subsequently murdered, Jordan (Halle Berry) is hesitant to return to her job as a 9-1-1 operator.
Encouraged by her boyfriend (Morris Chestnut), Jordan slips on her headset once more, only to heed the desperate pleas of a kidnapped teen (Abigail Breslin) trapped in the truck of a serial killer’s (Michael Eklund) car.
Unwilling to let this caller become another victim, Jordan goes above and beyond the law to track her down.
While it starts off promising, this WWE production falls to pieces in the climax with the suspense reduced to senseless drivel.
Besides, 9-1-1 is only for emergencies involving drive-thru restaurants forgetting your french fries. 0
The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
The most important thing to remember as a magician is to not sleep with your assistants - no matter how soft their rabbit fur is.
And while this comedy doesn’t explore the indecent side of prestidigitation, it does depict its pitfalls.
The featured magic act at Bally’s, the complacent conjuror Burt Wonderstone (Steve Carell) and his partner Anton (Steve Buscemi) and their assistant (Olivia Wilde) are threatened when an unorthodox illusionist, Steve Gray (Jim Carrey), sets up on the strip.
Offering up a more in-your-face performance than his competitor, Gray attracts Wonderstone’s uninterested audience.
Eventually reduced to entertaining seniors, the humbled Wonderstone works on an unpretentious comeback with assistance from his childhood idol Rance Holloway (Alan Arkin).
Juxtaposing antiquated acts with street magicians, Wonderstone sets the stage for a rewarding magic trick, but, unfortunately, the jokes never appear.
Furthermore, street magicians will eventually be usurped by extreme children’s party magicians. 0
The Last Exorcism 2
If repossession is as recurring as this title suggests than we might as well consecrate hairdressers.
However, this horror movie isn’t too concerned with combing cranial conveniences.
Nell (Ashley Bell), the notorious demonic vessel, is recovered after her exorcism went viral.
Unresponsive, Nell is placed in a girls’ home where she slowly begins to come out of her shell.
But just as things normalize, and she meets a boy (Spencer Treat Clark), Nell is revisited by the demonic spirit that possessed her previously.
While it urges her to unite with it in order to unleash Hell on Earth, Nell resists its proposition with the assistance of a clandestine organization.
The unsatisfying sequel to the surprisingly spooky original, Part 2 picks up after its predecessor, but fails to follow in its fear-inducing footsteps.
And to finally get over Nell, all this demon needs is someone to have a one-night possession with. 0
***Top Hat Trick***
Cast a Deadly Spell
The problem with living in a world where magic is possible is all of the tacky wardrobes you have to see everyday.
Thankfully, the magicians in this mystery dress in 1940s garb.
In an alternate universe where magic exists, a clichéd PI that hates the black arts, H. Phillip Lovecraft (Fred Ward), is hired by an affluent client (David Warner) to retain a tome for him called the Necronomicon.
To do so, Lovecraft must not only navigate the supernatural streets of L.A. but also his on-again off-again ex (Julianne Moore).
All the while, Lovecraft is unaware that his obtaining of the Necronomicon will ultimately unleash the Old Ones, an ancient monster race that will enslave the city.
Part Dashiell Hammett detective yarn, part Lovecraftian horror. This HBO produced amalgamation has the hard-boiled lingo and the slimy subspecies of the two genres down pat.
But beware: Lovecraftian dames usually have tentacles.
He’s Hokey Pocus. He’s the…
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