Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s an Inopportunist. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of February 24, 2017

Peace is cheap. First up…

                                                                                                  

Hacksaw Ridge

By not arming your troops you cut your military budget, like, in half.

In fact, the unarmed soldier in this drama supports that economical theory.

Following Pearl Harbor, Desmond Doss (Andrew Garfield) is determined to join the war effort, but his Seventh-day Adventist beliefs preclude him from carrying a firearm or from fighting on Saturdays.

Scorned by his superiors (Vince Vaughn, Sam Worthington) and platoon over his convictions, Desmond’s medical training later mends those who ridiculed him during the Battle of Okinawa, where he singlehandedly transports the injured back to base.

Based on real events, but more importantly a real pacifist, this unconventional Mel Gibson helmed war-story is steeped in heroism and religion. While it is an unflinching depiction of battlefield horrors, Gibson’s overly graphic skirmishes seem to indulge in the violence, especially when directed at the Imperialists.

Moreover, being unarmed indicates to your enemy that you’re an omnipotent being.

Yellow Light    

Manchester by the Sea

The best thing about getting guardianship of a child is the moms at the park won’t stare at you any more.   

Unfortunately, the kid in this drama is a teenager, so it’s still gonna be weird.

When his brother (Kyle Chandler) dies, Lee (Casey Affleck) returns to his hometown to arrange the funeral. Already uneasy with dealing with the ghosts of his troubled past, including his ex-wife (Michelle Williams), Lee’s problems are compounded by being left in charge of his 16-year-old nephew (Lucas Hedges).

Unwilling to move back home, Lee must now decide what is best for his new ward.

While it’s dreary in some parts and uplifting in others, this heady production boasts a nuanced performance from Affleck that makes up for any lulls in the script. Relevant, with fully formed characters, Manchester is worth the visit.     

Plus, being back home means you can revive your old lemonade stand. Yellow Light

 

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Nocturnal Animals

The hardest part of writing a best selling novel is finding a talented enough ghostwriter.

Fortuitously, the author in this thriller has found his own voice.

Successful art curator Susan (Amy Adams) is shocked to receive a manuscript from her ex-husband (Jake Gyllenhaal). It tells of a family man whose family (Isla Fisher, Ellie Bamber) is murdered, and his work with an ailing detective (Michael Shannon) to bring their killer (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) to justice.

Filled with allusions to the affair she had with her current husband (Armie Hammer), Susan can’t help but be moved by this gesture, especially since her present marriage is deteriorating. 

With its superb cast and ethereal direction from Tom Ford, this absorbing, multilayered and multi-narrative psychological love story beautifully blurs the lines between fact and fiction, inspiration and revenge.

Nevertheless, literary retaliation is the exact reason why you shouldn’t marry a writer. Well, that and alcoholism.  Green Light

***Last-Ditch War Effort***

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Pork Chop Hill

The army names hazardous areas after food so starving GIs are inclined to invade.

Prime example: the mouth-watering but highly lethal heap of dirt in this war movie.

During the Korean War, a depleted US platoon (Rip Torn, George Peppard, Woody Strode) led by Lt. Clemons (Gregory Peck) is ordered to capture a contentious meat-shaped knoll that’s currently being occupied by China’s Communist forces.

While he requires more support to fend off the Red multitudes, Clemons’ government is unwilling to support him or withdraw his troops from the worthless mound.

As an armistice is hammered out, Clemons and his boys hold off the hordes.

A harrowing tale of bravery and stupidity, this 1959 depiction of the 1953 theater of war doesn’t dismiss America’s delinquencies in the bloodbath, but instead overrides them with glowing nationalism.  

Fortunately for famished troops, a McDonalds will shortly materialize on any property seized by the US.

He’s the Cheap Theater of War. He’s the…

Vidiot

Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Gummy Worm Hole. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of February 17, 2017

Constellations are really star gangs. First up…

 

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Arrival

Oddly enough, alien abductions decreased around the same time human waistlines increased.

So our girth could be the reason the UFOs in this sci-fi film decided to land instead.

When alien spacecraft strategically position themselves around the globe, a senior military official (Forest Whitaker) recruits a linguist professor, Louisa (Amy Adams), to commune with the visitors.

Partnered with a theoretical physicist (Jeremy Renner), Louisa begins to decrypt the cephalopod’s pictorial form of communication, all the while suffering from vivid dreams of a dying daughter she has never met.

Meanwhile, the world’s superpowers prepare to annihilate them if their purpose is not uncovered.

With its cerebral stance on an alien incursion, Arrival challenges the status quo sci-fi shoot’em ups. Its violence simmers in the background, while its foreground dazzles with an astounding time-travel tale concerning the human condition.

Incidentally, the sooner we decode their language the sooner we’ll understand their Tweets.  Green Light

 

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Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk

Under Trump’s administration troops can look forward to fighting a lot closer to home.

However, the GIs in this drama are just visiting Texas, not invading it.

Billy Lynn (Joe Alwyn) and the rest of Bravo Squad will be honored during the Cowboys’ Thanksgiving halftime show for an act of bravery that went viral.

Meanwhile, backstage, their sergeant (Garrett Hedlund) works with a producer (Chris Tucker) to get the rescue of officer Shroom (Vin Diesel) made, and his men paid.

When the halftime spectacle starts, however, Billy’s PTSD flashbacks of Iraq and his sister (Kristen Stewart) cause him to question the war.

The troops hustling for funding is the most intriguing segment of Ang Lee’s eye-catching critique of modern hero worshipping, while Vin Diesel’s turn as the philosophical sergeant is the most insufferable.

Incidentally, with their stanch allegiance, violent tendencies and love of face-paint, sports fans would make ideal soldiers.  Yellow Light

 

Bleed for This       

Boxing isn’t that dangerous; it’s the only sport you don’t need a jockstrap to play.

In fact, the pugilist in this sports-drama wasn’t paralyzed anywhere near a ring.

Vinny Paz (Miles Teller) is a junior welterweight who can’t make his division so his father (Ciarán Hinds) hires Tyson’s old trainer Kevin Rooney (Aaron Eckhart) to assist.

While his father doesn’t approve of pushing his son into a new weight class, Vinny’s junior middleweight world championship changes all that.

So, too, does the car accident that leaves him with a medical halo screwed into his skull. But even that’s isn’t enough to keep Vinny from the ring.

The mediocre retelling of the amazing recovery that took the boxing community by surprise in the early nineties, this true story’s charm lies in its dedicated performances, not in its timeworn underdog prizefighter narrative.

Anecdotally, the next weight class in boxing after heavyweight is sumo.  Yellow Light

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The Edge of Seventeen

You know you’re turning seventeen when your parents get you luggage for your birthday.

However, the senior in this dramedy is apt to get nothing from her widowed mom.

Falling out of favour with her mother (Kyra Sedgwick) and brother (Blake Jenner) after her father died while in her company, the only people cynical Nadine (Hailee Steinfeld) has left is her best friend (Haley Lu Richardson) and her high school teacher (Woody Harrelson).

But when her BFF hooks up with her bro, it sends Nadine into a tailspin that causes her to stalk her crush and crush the nerd who has feelings for her.

With all of the heartbreak, humour and humiliation of the high school experience as well as a career defining performance from Steinfeld and a sardonic script, this comical coming-of-age tale encapsulates adolescents in all its awkwardness.

Unfortunately, all those people you hate in school end up becoming your co-workers.  Green Light

***Milky-Wayfarer***

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Contact

The scariest thing about meeting aliens is that they could have bigger guns than us.

Smartly, the aliens in this sci-fi film are transporting a single humanoid to them.

Subsidized by an enigmatic billionaire (John Hurt) after her boss (Tom Skerritt) cuts her government funding, Dr. Arroway (Jodie Foster) is allowed to continue her research into extraterrestrials, which proves fruitful when a coded message arrives from space.

Once deciphered, the data details how to construct a device capable of transporting a passenger across the universe. When word gets out, religious zealots successfully stop the first attempt. But another launch with Dr. Arroway aboard is successful.

While the reveal of the aliens in this adaptation of Carl Sagan’s novel is anticlimactic, the philosophical preamble to the final interaction is so engrossing the unorthodox ending is forgivable, even commendable.

Besides, real aliens would most likely be microscopic organisms…attached to gigantic cephalopods.

He’s an Airlock-Smith. He’s the…

Vidiot

Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Poppet Master. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of February 10, 2017

Kids only play with toys when their phones die. First up…

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Trolls

Troll Dolls were only fun to play with as a kid when you had a bag of firecrackers.

And while none of the imps in this animated-musical explode, they do sparkle.

When the troll princess (Anna Kendrick) celebrates her tiny touchy feely tribes (Russell Brand, James Corden, Gwen Stefani) liberation from the unemotional Bergens 20 years ago, their singing and dancing attracts their former captors.

Now, her eternally optimistic highness must work alongside naysayer troll Branch (Justin Timberlake) in order to save her subjects from becoming dinner.

Glamming up an ugly chambermaid (Zooey Deschanel), the trolls set out to seduce the Bergen king (Christopher Mintz-Plasse).

Butchering an array of classic songs that kids will no doubt accredit to this saccharine adaptation of the wild haired figurines, Trolls’ boilerplate storyline and Smurf-like characterization is the opposite of its somewhat inventive animation.

Incidentally, trolls actually live under bridges and eat suicide jumpers.  Red Light

 

Queen of Katwe   

The reason women don’t play chess is because all of the pieces resemble penises.

Fortunately, the female in this drama is unafraid of the phallic looking bits.

Raised by her single mother (Lupita Nyong'o) in the abject poverty of Katwe, Uganda along side her brothers and sisters, 10-year-old Phiona Mutesi (Madina Nalwanga) doesn’t have much of a future beyond selling her body.

That is until she meets Robert Katende (David Oyelowo), a soccer coach who teaches chess to his players on the side. Intrigued, Phiona joins his club where she proves a phenom and fierce competitor.

As her matches take her further from the slums, she finds more to life than Katwe.

The powerful and inspiring depiction of the real-life chess champion, this Disney adaption of an ESPN magazine article on Phiona is a true underdog movie with vibrant performances from its leads that help transcend the film’s more formulaic moments.

Moreover, it’s good for the male chess players to meet a real-life female.  Green Light

***Queen of Bee***

Akeelah and the Bee

With Michelle Obama out of office, the only strong black woman African American girls have to look up to now is Madea.

Thankfully, the phenom in this drama became her on role model.

With a knack for spelling, but a bad attitude keeping her from getting proper instruction, Akeelah (Keke Palmer) struggles to make it through competition. 

With no encouragement from her single mother (Angela Bassett), she takes it upon herself to study and seek out a coach (Laurence Fishburne) who can help get her to the Scripps National Spelling Bee.

Although it’s a fictional account, this underdog tale is rooted in the short-lived spelling bee craze of the early-2000s. With Fine performances all-around, this feel-good film turns the sport on its ear by having an impoverish child compete in an affluent after-school activity.

Best of all, the only equipment you need to compete is a pair of coke-bottle glasses.

He has a Spelling Bee Allergy. He’s the…

Vidiot