He’s an Auto-Correctional Facility. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of June 26, 2015
Prison is just free
room and board with uncomfortable sex. First up…
Get Hard
The first thing you should do after learning that you’re
going to prison is purchase every soap-on-a-rope you can find.
The fresh fish in this comedy however has hired a mentor.
When well to do James (Will Ferrell) is convicted of
embezzlement, he employs his car washer, Darnell (Kevin Hart), to edify him on
the ins and outs of the penal system.
Going along with James’ assumption that he has served time,
Darnell agrees to mentor him in exchange for $30,000.
Over the next 30 days, Darnell exposes James to prison-life
situations that he gleaned from pop culture. James laps these lessons up until
he learns Darnell lacks credentials.
With every joke revolving around jailhouse sex or racial
stereotypes, Get Hard has a hard time getting beyond its puerile mindset,
making the laughs sporadic at best.
Incidentally, white-collar penitentiaries are worse because
all rich, old, white dudes are on Viagra.
Red Light
The Gunman
Occupations involving guns can be very dangerous if the
workers ever go on strike.
Fortunately, the armed employee in this thriller isn’t
likely to picket any time soon.
Returning to the Congo years after he assassinated a
high-ranking official and went into hiding, former mercenary sniper Terrier
(Sean Penn) now finds himself in the crosshairs of similar soldiers of fortune.
To find out who leaked his identity, Terrier must contact everyone
involved in the original hit, including his girlfriend at the time (Jasmine
Trinca).
Also plaguing Terrier is news that his job has left him with
numerous health issues.
Treading familiar territory with heavy footsteps, this
middle-aged merc tale has loads of action but little storyline beyond its
boilerplate plot points.
Even the star-crossed romance feels passionless and
pointless amid the barrage of endless bullets and fisticuffs.
Statistically, most hit men don’t make it out of their retirement
parties alive. Yellow Light
Slow West
The hardest part of living in The Old West must’ve been all
of those film-crews shooting Westerns.
Luckily, the only film-crew in this Western is the one
shooting this Western.
Following his true love Rose (Caren Pistorius) over from
Scotland, teenage aristocrat Jay (Kodi Smit-McPhee) tries to make his way in
the American Frontier.
Fortunately, he finds a guide in the form of a wanted man
(Michael Fassbender) who agrees to mentor him in the ways of the west and help
him find his sweetheart, for a price.
Unbeknownst to Jay, a bounty hunter (Ben Mendelsohn) is also
after Rose, along with a number of other bounty hungry gunslingers.
An unrequited love story with spurts of violence and a
cinematic landscape, Slow West paints a harsh but humorous portrait of the
fabled frontier despite its underdeveloped characters.
Historically, however, all kilt wearing Scotsmen were sought
by the law for cross-dressing. Yellow
Light
***Jailbait & Switch***
A Man Called Sledge
The main proponent of laxed prison sentences is always the
man who prints the Wanted Posters.
Mind you, the outlaw in this Western doesn’t need any
likeness to land him in jail – just the promise of untold riches.
Tipped off to a regular gold shipment that is locked up
overnight at the nearby prison, notorious bandit Luther Sledge (James Garner)
rounds up his gang (Dennis Weaver, Claude Akins) and plots to purloin the
bullion by getting himself apprehended.
Incarcerated, Sledge frees the inmates and escapes with the
booty during the melee.
However, infighting amongst Sledge’s men over the gold
during a poker game results in bloodshed, and the kidnapping of Sledge’s
prostitute girlfriend.
An unorthodox Western thanks to its substantial Italian
influence, A Man Called Sledge features a refreshing departure from the affable
gunslinger characters that Garner usually played.
Furthermore, pioneer prisons were notoriously ineffective on
account of their sod roofs.
He’s Reward Winning. He’s the…
Vidiot
