Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s an Off-White Collar Worker. He’s the…

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Week of February 27, 2015

Co-workers are like family members you can’t threaten to kill. First up…

Horrible Bosses 2

When kidnapping someone it’s important to ensure that your ransom demand fits inside of a briefcase.

Fortuitously, the kidnappers request in this comedy doesn’t exceed size restrictions.

An industrialist (Christoph Waltz) promises to partner with novice inventors, Nick (Jason Bateman), Kurt (Jason Sudeikis) and Dale (Charlie Day), but ends up stealing their brainchild.

With outside help (Jennifer Aniston, Kevin Spacey, Jamie Foxx), they retaliate by kidnapping his son (Chris Pine), who unexpectedly convinces them to extort more money from his overbearing father than originally planned.

But even with a well-rehearsed plan they still find themselves accused of murder.

The uncalled-for sequel to the semi-funny original, HB2 finds the same cast and same crude jokes returning for a second go-round with inferior results.

While it has glimmers of good performances, the lacklustre script and unlikable leads makes this follow-up a regrettable venture.

Incidentally, killing your boss when you’re self-employed is suicide.  Red Light  

 

Big Hero 6

The downside to Japanese super-heroes is they disembowel themselves after a super-villain disgraces them in battle.

Luckily, the Asian inspired group in this animated adventure all have their honor intact.

Upon his older brother’s death, 14-year-old robotics genius Hiro (Ryan Potter) uncovers his sibling’s last invention: a personal health robot named Baymax (Scott Adsit).

When a masked felon appears in town wielding Hiro’s microbot technology as a weapon, he and Baymax recruit his brother’s old associates (Damon Wayans, Jr., T.J. Miller, Jamie Chung, Génesis Rodríguez), outfits them in battle suits and assembles them into a super-squad.

An unstable time portable however may encumber their debut.

Loosely based on the Marvel Comic series, Big Hero 6 has been masterfully reworked by Disney Studios to become a touching tale of loss and friendship as well as an action-packed ensemble with eye-popping fight sequences.

Plus, when you’re on a super-team you can Groupon your cape dry-cleaning.  Green Light

***Super Hiroes***

 

Teen Titans: Trouble in Tokyo

Super-heroes travelling to Japan need to be aware that speed lines will accompany all of their movements.

Mind you, the super-team trekking to Tokyo in this animated adventure is familiar with Manga motifs.

When a ninja attacks their base at the behest of Japanese super-villain: Brushogun, The Teen Titans – Robin, Raven, Cyborg, Star-fire and Beast Boy – head to Tokyo to retaliate.

When they arrive, Commander Daizo of the Tokyo Troopers explains Brushogun does not exist.

Opting to sightsee instead, the team separates. But when Robin is accused of murder, the team must locate the real Brushogun if they hope to clear their leader’s name.

Based on the DC Comics television show, Trouble in Tokyo is a standalone feature film that maintains the lively pace and puerile comedy of the cartoon while paying homage to the culture that inspired its aesthetic.

Incidentally, Japan’s worst super-villain is still Used Women’s Underwear Man.

He’s a Japan Handler. He’s the…

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Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Doomsday Clockmaker. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of February 20, 2015

Time is how we know we’re late. First up…

 

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The Theory of Everything

The reason women dig guys in wheelchairs is because they get to board the plane first.

Mind you, it could be the intellect of the mobilized virtuoso in this drama that attracts the opposite sex.

Shortly after meeting Jane Wilde (Felicity Jones) at Cambridge, astrophysics student Stephen Hawking (Eddie Redmayne) succumbs to ALS, and slowly begins losing control of his muscles.

Despite a bleak prognosis, Jane stays with Stephen, and the two defy his two-month life expectancy indefinitely.

Years on, their marriage, their children and Stephan’s bestseller begin to drive a wedge between the pair – as does his weakening health and his wandering eye.

A mesmerizing romance complemented by elegant cinematography and two formidable performances, The Theory of Everything is a poignant adaptation of Jane’s own book about her marriage to the famed theoretical physicist.

Incidentally, how does GPS have so many voice options but Stephen Hawking still only have one? Green Light

Birdman

The reason actors prefer stage work is because they get a cut of whatever falls out of the audiences pockets.

And that loose change could really help the struggling Broadway show in this drama.

Determined to molt the avian super-hero image that made him famous, Riggan Thomson (Michael Keaton) writes, directs and stars in a play drastically different from his onscreen work.

But when his lead is replaced by a difficult stage legend (Edward Norton), Riggan’s feels upstaged and out of his element.

With open night looming, and early reviews unfavorable, Riggan lashes out at those around: his daughter (Emma Stone), his friends (Zach Galifianakis, Naomi Watts) and the costumed hallucination of his alter ego: Birdman.

A satirical attack on super-hero movies, social media, and the general public’s palate, Birdman may boast a brilliant cast and inspired direction but it’s lost in its own self-importance.

Besides, if it weren’t for super-hero movies kids would never learn they couldn’t fly. Red Light

 

Dumb and Dumber To

When searching for the child you never knew you had start looking in the places that you’d normally hang out at.

But as this comedy points out, not all offspring share their parents’ affinity for underground dogfights.

Waking from a self-imposed vegetative state, Lloyd (Jim Carrey) reunites with his best-friend Harry (Jeff Daniels) after twenty years.

Unfortunately, Harry’s failing kidney threatens their reunion unless they can locate the daughter (Rachel Melvin) Harry unknowingly had with Fraida (Kathleen Turner).

When they learn she’s headed to Texas with a million-dollar idea, the duo hit the road with a nefarious family friend (Rob Riggle) in hopes of obtaining her liver and the priceless invention.

The long awaited sequel to the Farrelly Brothers’ 1994 hit, this unnecessary revival is forced and unfunny, with the actors looking as old and uninspired as the archaic jokes they’re reenacting.

Besides, who the hell wants a girl’s kidney?  Red Light

***Smart and Smarter***

 

A Beautiful Mind

The downside to being an extremely intelligent person is not being able to enjoy anything in pop culture.

Thankfully, the math prodigy in this drama keeps himself occupied cracking hidden code.

After proving his acumen at Princeton, and later at MIT, John Forbes Nash, Jr. (Russell Crowe) is approached by the US Defense Department (Ed Harris) to decipher Russian communiqué concealed in daily newspapers and magazines.

Much to the chagrin of his concerned wife (Jennifer Connelly), John becomes obsessed with his top-secret task and the shadowy government agents he insists are out to silence him.

Ron Howard’s astute but skewed interpretation of the Noble Prize winning economist ‘s descent into schizophrenia, this adaptation of the renowned novel is masterfully crafted and superbly acted. However, its insistence on formulating a touching love story is strenuous.

Incidentally, marriages built on an attraction to each other’s mind only works if you’re both ugly.

He’s a Brain Donair. He’s the…

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Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s an Attitude Problem Solver. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of February 13, 2015

If we didn’t have problems we wouldn’t have liquor. First up…

Nightcrawler

A degree in journalism guarantees you a bright future in an unrelated field.

Conversely, no degree secures the self-starter in this thriller the lead story every morning.

Lou (Jake Gyllenhaal) is a motivated night-owl with sociopathic tendencies looking for a career that compliments his anti-social lifestyle.

When he meets a freelance photojournalist (Bill Paxton) who sells graphic news footage to the highest paying network, he finds his calling.

With camcorder, police scanner and navigator (Riz Ahmed) in tow, he sells questionable footage to an unethical news director (Rene Russo).

But when he films a murder, he starts manipulating the story to get the biggest pay-off.

A seedy commentary on the fear-mongering perpetrated by the media for ratings, Gyllenhaal’s off-putting performance is only part of what makes Nightcrawler so superlative. 

Incidentally, before filming a car crash make sure to take a selfie with the trapped victims.  Green Light

The Interview

If everyone was interviewed liked a celebrity accident victims would have to walk the Mani Cam runway.

Thankfully, the interviewer in this comedy sticks to soft interviews… until now.

Determined to make a show that matters, TV producer Aaron (Seth Rogen) and shallow talk-show host Dave Skylark (James Franco) decide to interview North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un (Randall Park).

When Kim’s handlers accept, the CIA (Lizzy Caplan) asks them to assassinate the troublesome tyrant after their interview.

However, Dave’s budding friendship with the despot threatens their secret mission and US security.  

Pulled from theatrical release due to death-threats, the Interview isn’t as scandalous as expected, but it does exceed comedic expectations.

With Franco’s endearing dimwittedness stealing the show, The Interview finds the duo returning to, as well as refining, their buddy-comedy format.     

Besides, if pap journalists started interviewing world leaders wars would become red carpet events.  Green Light 

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Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

If it weren’t for bad days you would have no reason to yell at your kids after work.

Thankfully, every family member in this comedy is suffering.

For his 12th birthday, born loser Alexander (Ed Oxenbould) wishes that his father (Steve Carell), mother (Jennifer Garner), sister and brothers would all experience a bad day.

Magically they do: his mom’s typographical error threatens her career; his sister becomes contagious before a school performance; his brother fails his driver’s test and; his dad catches fire.

Meanwhile, Alexander learns that it’s not the day that determines your fate but your attitude towards adversity.

Based on a 1970s’ kids’ book, this updated adaptation is tough to say but easy to swallow. 

Thanks to its competent cast, uncomfortable family encounters and its clever, kid-friendly script, Alexander is a surprise classic. 

Incidentally, I thought everyday you spent with your family was a bad day. Green Light

***Picture Imperfect***

One Hour Photo

Nowadays, it’s not just the one-hour photo employees that see your nude pics…it’s everyone on your phone.

This thriller, however, takes place before digital photography.

As senior technician of the photo lab in the local drug store, Sy (Robin Williams) is privy to the private lives of all his patrons.

His favourite customers are the Yorkins (Michael Vartan, Connie Nielsen, Dylan Smith), whose photos Sy steals on the sly for his giant collage of the unknowing family.

But when he uncovers evidence of the husband’s infidelity, Sy’s obsession with him and his perfect life turns to resentment and uncontrollable anger.    

Robin Williams’ most underrated performance, the comedian’s take on the fixated sociopath Sy will make your skin crawl. 

While less impactful overtime, this disturbing story still clings to your psyche.

Furthermore, it’s nice to visit a time in history when your personal photos weren’t the property of Facebook.

He’s a Photoshop-lifter. He’s the…

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Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Shape-Shift Worker. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of February 6, 2015

Immortality means no more inheritances. First up…

 

Dracula Untold

With a reputation for impaling as well as sucking on his victims, the real Dracula was most likely a Transylvanian prostitute.

However, this fantasy/horror movie maintains that he was a supernatural nobleman.

To save the sons of his kingdom, including his own, from the clutches of the Turkish sultan (Dominic Cooper), Prince Vlad (Luke Evans) strikes an accord with a vampire (Charles Dance) and gains the use of his powers for three days, including flight, strength and command over bats.

But if during that time he succumbs to the accompanying bloodlust he will remain a creature of the night forever.

The most compassionate and selfless version of Vlad the Impaler to date, this bloodless re-imagining of Bram Stoker’s inspiration for Dracula is de-fanged and sanitized.

More super-hero than son of the Devil, Dracula Untold is a bungled interpretation.

Besides, the only historical character who could fly was Jesus.  Red Light

 

Ouija

The worst thing about playing with a spirit board is your friends will finally learn you’re illiterate.

Luckily, the friends in this horror are all able to discern written messages from beyond.

Laine (Olivia Cooke) and her friends (Daren Kagasoff, Bianca A. Santos, Douglas Smith, Ana Coto) use her childhood Ouija board to reach out to their deceased friend Debbie (Shelley Hennig), who mysteriously committed suicide.

Making contact with a spirit they believe to be Deb, the friends slowly realize the entity leaving them messages - sans Ouija board - is not their friend at all.

In fact, it’s the restless soul of a mother murdered by her daughter.

With a script as flimsy as a Ouija board, this no thrills thriller from Hasbro fails to conjure up scares, or any reason to care about these one dimensional characters.

Furthermore, Ouija boards should only be used to order ghost pizza.  Red Light

 

John Wick

The ideal leisure pursuit for a retired hit-man is assisting retirement communities with their mercy killings.

Mind you, the pensioner in this action movie is too busy with revenge killings.

Following his wife’s (Bridget Moynahan) funeral, former mob enforcer John Wick (Keanu Reeves) is accosted by Iosef (Alfie Allen), the son of his former boss Viggo (Michael Nyqvist), who kills his dog and steals his car.

To protect his son from Wick’s legendary wrath, Viggo puts a bounty on Wick’s head that attracts the hit-man’s contemporaries (Adrianne Palicki, Willem Dafoe) to the party.

They, along with Viggo’s other cronies, might just come close to matching Wick’s lethalness.

From stylized shootouts to choreographed hand-to-hand, this fresh take on the standard vengeance tale is relentless in it’s delivery of kinetic violence, snappy dialogue and sad faces from Keanu.

Incidentally, Wick’s unwillingness to stay retired is why millennial hit-men can’t get a job.  Green Light

***Impale Complexion***

 

Bram Stoker Dracula

As well as inspiring the character of Dracula, Vlad the Impaler was also the inventor of the scarecrow.

But as this horror movie attests, he didn’t use straw and old clothes - he used Turks.

Disavowing God after the death of his wife (Winona Ryder), Vlad (Gary Oldman) is cursed to walk the Earth for eternity thirsting for human blood.

Surfacing in London centuries later under the moniker Count Dracula, Vlad is shocked to encounter Mina Harker (Winona Ryder), a look-alike of his dead wife.

However, Mina’s fiancée (Keanu Reeves), Professor Van Helsing (Anthony Hopkins) and others (Cary Elwes) affected by his actions will stop at nothing to separate the Count’s head from his shape-shifting body.

The most cinematic and sinister depiction of Stoker’s protagonist yet, director Francis Ford Coppola infuses the gothic narrative with striking visuals, elaborate costumes and brazen eroticism.

Furthermore, marrying Dracula means no more buying tampons. 

He’s a Discount Dracula. He’s the…

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