Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Night Visionary. He’s the…

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Week of February 3, 2017

The army prepares you to murder your family. First up…

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

The biggest difference between municipal police and military police is that the latter shoots unarmed Muslim men. 

Surprisingly, all ammunition in this action-thriller is aimed solely at a middle-aged Caucasian.

While helping out an old army buddy (Cobie Smulders) suspected of killing two officers in Afghanistan, former major-cum-transient Jack Reacher (Tom Cruise) ends up accused of murder himself.

Now the pair must elude an assassin who doesn’t want their employer’s secret arms ring exposed. But Reacher’s search for an eyewitness is cut short when his estranged daughter is used as bait.   

Lacking the shrewd acting, gritty action and whip-smart dialogue that made the original adaptation of Lee Child’s literary bruiser so enjoyable, this second-rate sequel suffers from a laughable villain, an awkward romance and a paternal sub-plot that serves little purpose.

Moreover, if you are ever accused of a crime by the army, remember to blame everything on the drone.  Red Light

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Masterminds

The easiest way to steal millions is to swipe a lotto winner’s oversized novelty cheque.

However, the morons in this comedy opted for robbing their workplace.

Security guard David Scott Ghantt (Zach Galifianakis) is cajoled into pilfering his armored vehicle by a co-worker, Kelly Campbell (Kristen Wiig), and her boyfriend, Steve Chambers (Owen Wilson).

While David hits Mexico after the heist with minimal cash, Steve squanders millions on a mansion back in America. When the FBI (Leslie Jones) starts sniffing around, Steve sends a hitman down south to silence David. But fate has other plans.

An absurd satire that uses zany Internet humour and ridiculous dialogue to retell the true tale of the ill-fated 1997 Loomis-Fargo robbery, Masterminds makes it difficult to discern fact from wacky fiction. Nonetheless, its abstruse jokes do deliver some unexpected chortles.

Moreover, you also get a free getaway vehicle when you holdup an armored car. Yellow Light

***Armoured Car Wash***

Hard Rain

The best thing about dying in an armoured car is dying extremely wealthy.

However, the security guard in this action movie doesn’t intend on dying at all.

Armoured car operator Tom (Christian Slater) and his uncle (Ed Asner) are trapped in a flashflood with $3 million aboard. While waiting for help, they’re intercepted by Jim (Morgan Freeman) and his cutthroats. 

Fleeing with the booty and hiding it safely near a small-town, Tom is then apprehended by a resident (Minne Drivere) and imprisoned by the sheriff (Randy Quaid).

Now he must retrieve the loot before Jim and his boys abscond with it on their jet-skis.

With Freeman in a rare adversary role, and the added excitement of watercraft action, this unconventional combination of disaster picture and heist film is actually an enjoyable hybrid of the two sub-genres.

Plus, with $3 million you can almost pay-off the flood damage to your basement.

He’s Whitewater Resistant. He’s the…

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