He’s a Personal Hell of a Guy. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of January 27, 2017
You don’t have to pray to get in to Hell.
First up…
Inferno
With all of its homophobes, suicide bombers
and TV evangelists, who would ever want to end up in Heaven?
Which might be why the Harvard professor in
this thriller is exploring the alternative.
Linguist lecturer Robert Langdon (Tom
Hanks) wakes up in an Italian hospital with a bullet wound and memory loss.
When the assassin (Ana Ularu) shows up to finish the job, a nurse (Felicity
Jones) helps Langdon escape.
The pair later locates a coded painting of
Dante's Inferno that they must decode in order to stop an overzealous biologist
(Ben Foster) from releasing a doomsday virus.
The third entry in the religious text
deciphering series, this installment maintains the globetrotting appeal but
looses the pious intrigue in exchange for scattershot action scenes, a heavily
altered ending and two hollow performances that border on ham-fisted.
Moreover, there is no God that approves of
Langdon cavorting with a younger woman.
Red Light
The Light Between Oceans
A surefire way to get pregnant is to
pretend you’re high school students with bright futures.
However, it’s going to take divine
intervention for the married couple is this drama.
Shell-shocked solider Tom Sherbourne
(Michael Fassbender) returns to Australia a changed man. Choosing the solitary
existence of a lighthouse keeper, he takes up correspondence with a mainlander
(Alicia Vikander), whom he later marries.
After two failed pregnancies, one day a
rowboat washes ashore with a newborn aboard that the couple raises as their
own. But news that the babe’s mother (Rachel Weisz) still lives tears the
lighthouse keeper’s family asunder.
Beautifully shot and finely acted, this
adaptation of the Aussie bestseller skillfully explores survivor’s guilt from a
trio of perspectives, each with their own personal pathos. Nonetheless, that
suffering slowly becomes taxing and ultimately depressing.
Furthermore, performance anxiety is
perfectly normal when you live inside of a colossal blinking penis. Yellow Light
***Strobe Lighthouse***
The Light at the Edge of the World
Lighthouses are the best places for
troubled loners because they have all the comforts of a clock tower.
However, university students aren’t the
targets in this action movie, pirates are.
Fleeing from a failed romance and a murder
rap back in the States, ex-miner Denton (Kirk Douglas) heads down south to Cape
Horn in 1865 to man a lighthouse.
When Kongre (Yul Brynner) and his marauders
land on the coastline intent on wrecking ships by dowsing the flame, it’s up to
Denton and his skeleton crew (Massimo Ranieri, Fernando Rey) to abate the
cutthroats and liberate their female captive (Samantha Eggar) before the next
cargo ship arrives.
Noted for its Spanish locales, particularly
the craggy topography where the swashbuckling occurs, this adaptation of Jules
Verne’s novel is a forgotten gem in the adventure genre.
Nevertheless, it must be nice to get a visitor
at the lighthouse that isn’t a moth.
He’s a Lighthouse Housekeeper. He’s the…
Vidiot
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