Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s an Air Traffic Control Freak. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of Smarch 11, 2010

Stewardesses are waitresses that you don’t have to tip. First up…

Up in the Air

In this dilapidated economy, I wouldn’t be surprised if commercial airlines had to start making some major in-flight cutbacks. For example, reducing snack-size pretzel portions or implementing a “no flush” rule in the lavatory. Fortunately, for the frequent-flying corporate downsizer in this dramedy, things haven’t deteriorated that drastically.

Drawing closer to ten million frequent flyer miles, Ryan Bingham’s (George Clooney) solitary life of constant travel, confrontation and anonymous sex is interrupted when he must show a rookie, Natalie (Anna Kendrick), how to do what he does.

Polar opposites when it comes to relationships, Natalie questions Ryan’s emotional seclusion, causing him to confront his feelings for fellow friendly-flyer, Alex (Vera Farmiga).

A fitting tale for our troubled times, Up in the Air captures the economic climate and its vile repercussions, but, regrettably, its mawkish moments and unsavory characters make it hard to love.

However, I do advise that you never fire a pilot while they’re working.  0     

Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire

I’ve always thought the reason that Hollywood producers turned novels into motion pictures was so that people wouldn't have to read anything. And while its title is exhausting, the actual story is twice as grueling.

Born into a physically, emotionally and sexually abusive household in Harlem, 16-year-old Precious (Gabourey Sidibe) faces further adversity when she's suspended from junior high school, then learns that she’s pregnant with her second child.

Invited to enroll in an alternative school that will help change her life, Precious accepts, despite her domineering mother’s (Mo'Nique) objections.

Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire, Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire combines the worst things that could ever happen to a person, and bestows them on a teenager. A harsh look at reality, Precious may not be hopeful, but it is powerful.

As for attending an alternative school, I’d be open to attending any alternative to school.  0

Old Dogs

You may not be able to teach old dogs new tricks, but you sure can’t teach new dogs to have heartworms. And while the two old dogs in this Disney romp don’t have parasites, you’ll soon wish they did.

After his divorce, Charlie (John Travolta) takes Dan (Robin Williams) on a vacation, where he meets Vicki (Kelly Preston). Seven years later, she shows up with two kids and asks Dan – their father – to baby-sit them while she goes to prison.

Uncomfortable around kids, Dan forces Charlie to participant in awkward situations that question their sexuality and threaten their company's merger with a Japanese conglomerate.

Chalked full of bits stolen from Seinfeld and starring two over-the-hill goons, Old Dogs is a shameless piece of crap that needs to be picked up in a plastic bag and disposed of.

However, comparing absentee fathers to canines is quite accurate, since neither have balls.  0

Planet 51

Fifty-one planets in the solar system and not one of them has an atmosphere or gravitational field capable of facilitating an influx of human and animal waste?

And while the search for an intergalactic sewage lagoon continues, according to this animated movie, the search for alien life has just ended.

When his spacecraft crashes on Planet 51, astronaut Baker (Dwayne Johnson) is stunned to discover that it's populated with English-speaking, green-skinned inhabitants.

Hunted by the planet’s army, Baker hooks up with an open-minded extraterrestrial, Lem (Justin Long), who helps him return to his ship. In exchange, Baker teaches him how to ask out Neera (Jessica Biel).

Orbiting pop culture, Planet 51 references every sci-fi film ever made, while reversing the age-old space invader analogy to convey an amusing message about foreign relations.

However, a human discovering a planet similar to Earth is highly unlikely, seeing as how our space program sucks.  0

***Unidentified Flying Pussy***

The Cat from Outer Space

If you’re an alien invader that resembles a feline, being probed by Earth scientists is the least of your concerns; especially, if one of those Earth scientists is a lonely, depressed, single woman, who likes to push cats around in baby strollers.

Fortunately, the foreign feline that crash lands on Earth in this live-action Disney movie managed to avoid such a pathetic fate. Unfortunately, however, the U.S. Army has impounded its spaceship.

Outfitted with a magic collar that enables it to speak English, space cat Jake seeks out the assistance of Dr. Frank Wilson (Ken Berry), whom he believes can help him retrieve and repair his damaged spacecraft.

A fancy feast of sci-fi and slapstick comedy, The Cat from Outer Space is a family-and animal-friendly film that teaches children that not everything from outer space will kill them...with the possible exceptions of cosmic rays, Planet X and orange-flavoured Tang.

He’s a Jackasstronaut. He’s the…

Vidiot