Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s an Autumn-maton. He’s the…

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Week of September 16, 2010

Dead leaves are a sign of premature fallness. First up…

The Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

When Iran inspires a video game it’s assumed that its genre is some type of FPS (First-Person Stoning). 

Fortunately, this movie based on a game set in the former Persia doesn’t involve any barbaric form of capital punishment.

After leading a raid on Alamut, Dastan (Jake Gyllenhaal), the adopted son of the king, obtains a magical dagger belonging to Alamut’s princess (Gemma Arterton).   

The victory, however, is short lived, when Dastan hands his father a poisoned robe and is accused of regicide. Now, he must clear his name before his uncle (Ben Kingsley) can use the dagger’s power to alter history.

Comprised of numerous story arcs from the popular franchise, Prince of Persia is one of the most creditable video game adaptations; unfortunately, its conventionality and Caucasian cast is quite insulting.

As to why there aren’t more Iranian gamers – it’s hard to pwn when your hands have been chopped off.  0

Letters to Juliet

For the record, when corresponding with Juliet, she prefers it if your notes take on the appearance of poison pen letters. That way, if Romeo intercepts, he won’t misinterpret and kill himself.

Fortunately, the fate of the star-crossed lovers in this rom-com isn’t as tragic.

While in Verona, aspiring writer Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) comes across a wall in which women leave letters addressed to Juliet Capulet.

Curious, Sophie follows the letters to a room where a group of women dole out love advice to the sender in Juliet’s name.

Inspired, Sophie tries her hand at corresponding. But when her recipient (Vanessa Redgrave) and her grandson Charlie (Chris Egan) show up in Verona, Sophie must help her track down her lost love.

While the concept is certainly intriguing, the romance between Sophie and Charlie feels forced and contrived.

Besides, the best Shakespeare character to get love advice from is obviously Hamlet.  0

Just Wright

Two fates await injured NBA players: the lucky ones join the Harlem Globetrotters; the unlucky ones go to the Nike factory, where they’re turned into sneakers.

The wounded baller in this rom-com, however, has the opportunity to return to the court; unfortunately it involves following the orders of a fanatical physical therapist.

When New York Nets player Scott McKnight (Common) is injured, he’s written off. Fortunately, his trophy wife Morgan hires Leslie Wright (Queen Latifah) to help with his recovery.

But when his return seems inaccessible, Morgan files for divorce.

Heartbroken, Scott turns to Leslie with whom he shares commonalities. But Leslie’s girth proves too much for the star player.

Adding an urban groove to the old book-judging adage, Just Wright manages to put a new spin on a tired cliché.

And while recouping from injury is a joyous occasion, having to give back your disabled parking permit is not.  0

***Just Desert***

The Thief of Bagdad

Owning desert property means you have access to the world's most coveted resource, so beware of greedy sandpaper and sandbag magnates.

Convinced by his Grand Vizier, Jaffar (Conrad Veidt), that he should live amongst the poor, King Ahmad (John Justin) is then tossed into prison on Jaffar’s behest.

Imprisoned, Ahmad meets Abu (Sabu), a young thief who helps him escape. Fleeing to Basra, Ahmad falls in love with the princess. Unfortunately, she’s been promised to Jaffar, who has cast a spell that's transformed Ahamd into a blind man and Abu into a dog.

With a flying carpet, a guileful genie and a giant spider, The Thief of Bagdad is an audacious adventure, made even more so by its flagrant use of Technicolor.

And while losing your Arabic princess to a wizard is sad, you can always toss an abaya on a complete stranger and just pretend they’re your lost love.

He’s a Magic Carpet Cleaner. He’s the…

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