He’s Lame Retardant. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of January 14, 2010
If money grew on trees there’d be no forest fires. First up…
Halloween II
Ad agencies may have started manufacturing sequels to beloved holidays, but I’ll be damned if I’m buying a new Kaftan and candleholder for Kwanzaa II.
My apologies. Apparently this is not a movie about the exploitation of celebration, but a sequel to a 2007 re-make that exploited its 1978 predecessor.
Following his death, mass murderer Michael Meyers (Tyler Mane) returns to the living and kills everyone who gets in his way as he tracks down his missing sister.
Elsewhere, the lecherous Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell) begins promoting his controversial new book, which exploits Meyers’ past victims.
Addled by long camera shots and ethereal hallucinations starring Meyers’ inner child, Halloween II tries desperately hard to be a cerebral slasher movie, but ends up a pretentious, bloodless bore.
On the bright side, if you ever do find yourself brutally stabbed on Halloween, remember: gaping wounds make for a great last minute costume. 0
Fame
Surprisingly, the condition known as “fame” is the top career choice amongst the talentless. Unfortunately, since apathy is the top trait amongst the public, their goal is attainable.
Thinking that they have what it takes to attend The High School of Performing Arts in New York, hopefuls strut their stuff for a panel of adjudicators (Debbie Allen and Kelsey Grammer) in order to gain admittance.
Once accepted, the new class (Kay Panabaker and Kherington Payne) learns to cope with the daily rigors of their schedule, which includes honing their skill, be it singing, dancing, or acting.
With nary a narrative to be found, this remake of the 1980 musical abstains from substance and character development, opting instead for numerous impromptu dance routines performed by clichéd high school archetypes.
What’s more, to be famous nowadays, all you need is a camcorder and a diploma from the School of Performing Oral Arts. 0
Post Grad
Post graduation is that special time of year when college graduates finally find their place in the real world: the end of the unemployment line.
With aspirations of becoming a book editor, Ryden (Alexis Bledel) is forced to move in with her father (Michael Keaton) and Grandmother (Carol Burnett), when her dreams don’t come to fruition.
Stuck working for her dad, Ryden slides into a postgraduate funk. Furthermore, she is torn between her feelings for longtime friend, aspiring singer/song-writer, Adam (Zach Gilford), and the Latin infomercial director, who lives next-door.
Though an apt portrayal of our economic times, Post Grad is an utter mess: the lead is a mealy-mouthed priss; the love triangle is forced; and the quirky relatives are incongruous.
Moreover, if you’re a graduate who isn’t prepared to face the workaday world, it’s best to just re-enroll yourself in college and really go for that doctorate in procrastination. 0
The Hurt Locker
Disarming a bomb is like pulling the plug on someone in a vegetative state: just keep cutting wires until the sucker stops ticking.
And while US soldiers stationed in Iraq are not performing Euthanasia, they are becoming increasingly enamored with death.
When the head of the Explosive Ordnance Disposal unit is killed on-duty, SSgt. William James (Jeremy Renner) takes the helm of the three-person team and quickly shakes things up.
With a flagrant disregard for his own safety, James pushes the boundaries of disarmament, tempting fate, and risking the lives of his men.
An examination of the drug-like effect that war can have on a soldier, The Hurt Locker is an engaging and stark look at combat. And while the characters are not explored to their full potential, the general message is understood.
As for war being an addiction, I’m pretty sure that intervention will end in grenade shrapnel. 0
Moon
The best part about living on the moon is that you can be a wolf-man all-day long.
Unfortunately, the main character in this daring sci-fi film does not carry the lycanthropic gene, although he has just discovered that he has a whole other identity.
Nearing the end of his three-year contract on the moon–where he collected an alternative energy source for Earth’s consumption–Sam (Sam Rockwell) is surprised to find–after waking from a work-related accident–that an alternate version of himself is now manning the station.
Confused, with no input from his on-board computer (Kevin Spacey), Sam and his double investigate their lunar post and uncover a secret that blows both their minds.
An immaculate and imaginative journey, Moon is accentuated by its claustrophobic locale and captivating performances.
In fact, Moon’s the most significant piece of sci-fi cinema since Stanley Kubrick’s seminal space odyssey: the moon landing hoax. 0
***Light Speeding Ticket***
2001: A Space Odyssey
In our reality the moon is littered with abandoned junk, like lunar rovers, American flags and the body of Jimmy Hoffa.
In the world of director Stanley Kubrick and author Arthur C. Clarke, however, the moon is home to a monolith.
After its discovery, a shuttle on its way to Jupiter–helmed by astronauts Dave (Keir Dullea) and Frank (Gary Lockwood)–runs into a glitch with their on-board computer HAL 9000.
Informed that they will soon lose contact with Earth, Dave and Frank later discover that HAL was lying. Determined to rectify the situation, Dave tries to disconnect HAL, with fatal results.
The most audacious sci-fi film ever, 2001 is a surreal spectacle that uses a symphonic soundtrack and stunning set-design to render a depiction of human evolution.
This film also gives great insight into the world of 2001; personally, I can’t wait for the flying cars and world peace.
He Defiles Gravity. He’s the…
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