He’s a Tattle Tailor. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of February 25, 2010
If you want to get people talking, wear a wire. First up…
The Informant!
One of the few highlights of being an FBI informant is that when you die, your screams of agony will be preserved on the old wiretaps for your family’s future enjoyment.
And while the “organization” that the whistle-blower in this movie snitches on isn’t Sicilian, they are powerful.
Following allegations that his employer is price-fixing, executive Mark Whitacre (Matt Damon) volunteers to be a rat. Quick to produce evidence confirming the corruption, Mark becomes enamored with his secret-agent status, and begins fabricating other company crimes, which don’t stand up to scrutiny.
Based on a true story, The Informant! is a satirical adaptation of events that took place throughout the mid-1990s. And while the script fails to properly amalgamate the comedic and dramatic aspects of the story, Damon’s performance is luminescent.
However, if you ever decide to be a mole, go with the concealed microphone, and not the boom mic operator. 0
The Box
While management consultants with a penchant for clichéd catchphrases have been thinking outside of it for years, “the box” finally has its own movie.
When a mysterious package arrives on their doorstep, a financially strapped couple (James Marsden and Cameron Diaz) opens it to find a red button inside. Later, they are visited by a stranger (Frank Langella) who informs them that if they decide to press the button, they will receive a million dollars; unfortunately, someone they do not know will die.
Based on a short story, The Box is an engaging sci-fi tale that explores the boundaries of humanity's innate curiosity. And while the concept is intriguing, the story and its many philosophies disintegrate before the film's final culmination.
What’s more, if you ever find a similar package on your own doorstep: fill it with dog poop; light it on fire; and place it on your neighbor’s doorstep. 0
Everybody’s Fine
Parents only seem to be proud of their children’s accomplishments when they’re feeble and need them to wipe their bums for them.
However, in the case of this drama, the parent in question learns to praise his offspring before he becomes incontinent.
When his adult children (Drew Barrymore, Sam Rockwell and Kate Beckinsale) cancel their visit, recently widowed Frank (Robert De Niro) decides to forgo his doctor’s warning and travel across the country to visit them instead. However, during each of his stops Frank begins to learn the shocking truth behind their cancellation, as well as all the secrets that his wife kept him in the dark about.
A touching and finely executed exploration of the family dynamic, specifically the role of the hardworking yet oblivious patriarch, Everybody’s Fine is proof that it’s never too late to get to know your children. As for getting to know your parents…who cares? 0
The September Issue
Fashion magazines invite readers into the garment industry, giving them a firsthand look at the best advertisements the world has to offer.
However, there are times when those periodicals take it one step further and offer readers actual content, which is where Anna Wintour comes in.
In preparation for the release of Vogue’s largest issue, a documentary film crew shadows the editor-in-chief as she makes layout choices for the formidable fall-fashion edition.
Offering a glimpse into the inner workings of Vogue, as well as an introduction to Wintour’s underlings (Vera Wang), hangers-on (André Leon Talley), and creative director/adversary (Grace Coddington), The September Issue does an adequate job of establishing the hierarchy of the magazine and the pressures its contributors face, but offers little in the way of entertainment.
As for the best snacks to enjoy while watching this fashionable film: Marlboro Lights and a bucket of hot buttered cotton balls. 0
Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant
Since vampires cannot see their own reflection, the best part about being an assistant to one is that you can tell them that their hairstyle looks really awesome, when, in actuality, it doesn’t.
And someone who would know all about shenanigans like that would be Darren (Chris Massoglia), a recently departed teen who becomes the right-hand man of Crepsley (John C. Reilly), a vampire and twisted freak show proprietor.
But just as Darren has become an aide, so too has his friend, Steve (Josh Hutcherson), who has joined Mr. Tiny, a mysterious man hell-bent on instigating a war between the vampires.
Based on the book series, Cirque Du Freak is an odd assortment of comedic sensibility and horror mythos that is greatly hindered by its slipshod script and numerous loose ends.
Furthermore, being a vampire’s assistant is quite the role reversal seeing as they’d be the one’s sucking on you. 0
Sorority Row
Joining a fraternity or sorority is like joining a family where everyone has sex with each other. Unfortunately, sometimes those incestuous encounters can end in death.
During a Theta-Pi house party, the sisters decide to prank one of the brothers by making it appear as though the sister he is screwing, Megan (Audrina Patridge), has overdosed.
Fueling his fears, the sisters offer to help dispose of the body. However, during the confusion, a tire iron impales Megan and kills her for real. Later, as the sisters prepare to graduate, a figure in a graduation gown begins killing everyone involved in the incident with a tire iron.
A cheap composite of every slasher movie before it, Sorority Row offers nothing new, save for a few one-liners.
Besides, if a sorority girl ever did come back to murder her sisters, I’m pretty sure she would, like, totally post it on her facebook. 0
***America’s Next Top Bobblehead***
Gia
With their exposed ribs, sunken cheeks and emaciated bodies, Holocaust victims could’ve had bright futures as supermodels.
And while this movie isn’t as gauche as that last remark, it is a biography of the troubled supermodel that pioneered the “heroin chic” look.
Leaving her troubled family life behind, Gia Carangi (Angelina Jolie) signs a modeling contract. Featured in Vogue, she becomes a sensation. But when her relationship with a female photographer fails, she turns to opiates. While her gaunt features inspire an unhealthy fashion movement, Gia’s life takes a turn for the worse when she contracts AIDS.
Produced by HBO, Gia is a dark journey through the world of modeling, substance abuse, family turmoil and depression that is accentuated by a first-rate performance from Jolie.
And while steps have been taken to curb the “heroin chic” look of today’s models, little has been done to curtail the “uppity bitch” look.
He has Innards Beauty. He's the...
Vidiot
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