He has Poor Posturing. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of July 15, 2010
My glass is half full of itself. First up…
The Bounty Hunter
If bounty hunters are anything like deer hunters then they must also spend the bulk of their day sitting in a tree, armed with a compound bow, covered in a thick musk of deer urine.
Unfortunately, the skiptracer in this romantic-action-comedy defies all aforementioned huntsman traits–save for the pungent aroma–and, instead, is tracking skillful prey that will test his mettle as well as his manhood.
When broke bounty hunter Milo (Gerald Butler) gets the opportunity to collect a price on the head of his ex-wife Nicole (Jennifer Aniston), he hopes to stun two birds with one taser, i.e. pay off his mounting gambling debts and piss off his journalist ex-wife. Unbeknownst to him, however, is the fact that Nicole is actively pursuing leads in a high-profile murder case, which means she must avoid jail–and the bad guys–long enough to file her incriminating article.
A disorientating hodgepodge of action movie machismo and romantic-comedy one-upmanship, The Bounty Hunter’s problematic premise is made even worse by its lead actors, limp script and lack of ingenuity.
As for tracking down ex-wives who fail to appear in court, that’s bush league. Try hunting down ex-husbands who fail to pay child support. 0
Chloe
Thanks to the adulterous actions of the inordinate amount of philandering husbands out there, the happily married ones are no longer able to rent a sleazy motel room for an hour without looking completely suspicious.
A prime example of that type of propagation can be found in this titillating cautionary tale of a middle-aged woman who takes her skepticism in her husband’s fidelity to a whole new level.
When her husband David (Liam Neeson) misses his birthday party, citing that he missed his flight home, Catherine (Julianne Moore) begins to suspect that he may be cheating on her with one of his college students. To find out for sure, she hires call girl Chloe (Amanda Seyfried) to seduce him and report back, which she later does, in detail – much to Catherine’s delight. But when Catherine tries to terminate her maladjusted ménage à trios with Chloe and David, Chloe doesn’t take it so well.
While this exotic-psychological-thriller directed by Atom Egoyan starts off on a high note, with an intoxicating plot and capable cast, its typical thriller-killer ending abates Chloe's climax.
Besides, the best way to confirm that your husband is cheating is to hide a nanny cam on his penis. 0
Greenberg
Suffering a nervous breakdown is like pressing the reset button in your brain: you’re internal digital clock flashes 12:00 AM for a spell, but soon enough you’ll be back on International Atomic Time.
Unfortunately, the brain of the nervous Nellie in this dark comedy about life in the middle age is still on the blink, in more ways than one.
When 40-year-old Greenberg (Ben Stiller) is released from a mental institute, where he’s been since suffering a nervous breakdown, he decides to “do nothing”. Part of this apathetic plan includes coming to L.A. to house sit for his brother. Once there, he contacts an old band mate, Ivan (Rhys Ifans), who persuades him to return to public life, which includes attending his ex-girlfriend’s (Jennifer Jason Leigh) kids’ party. To overcompensate for his feelings of exclusion, Greenberg pursues a relationship with his brother’s much younger nanny, whom he's indifferent towards.
Directed by Noah Baumbach, this necessary yet depressing exploration of adult regret, youthful envy and emotional baggage is hard to watch at times, tedious at others. Certain to polarize viewers, Greenberg will elicit conversation, if nothing else.
Meanwhile, in order to feel youthful and relevant again, start hanging out with geriatrics. 0
Our Family Wedding
The best thing about mixed minority weddings is you can rest assure the quality of dance at the reception will be superior to that of a predominantly Caucasian American affair. In addition to that white wedding stereotype, the African American and Mexican American families in this comedy also vocalize their objections–not bottle them up for later, in private–particularly the fathers.
For Lucia (America Ferrera) and Marcus (Lance Gross), getting engaged was the easy part. Now they must introduce each other to their respected families–both of which are different ethnicities. Choosing the engagement dinner to introduce the households, Lucia and Marcus are unpleasantly surprised to discover their fathers (Forest Whitaker, Carlos Mencia) are already familiar with each other due to a prior disagreement.
With both families forced to compromise their traditions in order to accommodate the other, the fathers participant in a game of one-upmanship, which later finds them in hot water with their significant others.
Slovenly assembled, this gross-out rom-com is too preoccupied with the warring patriarchs to bother with character development or comedy.
As for ethnic neutrality and dealing with objections during your interracial marriage ceremony: hire an albino priest and say your vows in Esperanto. 0
***Bail Jump to Lightspeed***
Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone 3-D
There are two types of bounty hunters that matter in this world: those named after a member of the Canidae family, and those from outer space. Fortunately, this 1983 classic set in the 22nd century contains all of the above.
A broke salvage operator, Wolff (Peter Strauss), gets wind of a 3,000 mega-credit reward being offered for the retrieval of three women trapped on a war-torn plague planet and turns bounty hunter. On touchdown, however, his straightforward mission becomes a game of wits as he’s forced to team with a teenager (Molly Ringwald) and a rival hunter (Ernie Hudson) to gain access to Overdog (Michael Ironside), the missing girls’ captor and cyborg ruler of the Forbidden Zone.
Bursting with bizarre scenarios, Spacehunter embodies the bounty hunter bravado, kooky chemistry and innovative edge needed to formulate the perfect romantic-action-comedy.
As for spending those mega-credits, I recommend buying a timeshare in Uranus.
He's a Personal Space Invader. He's the...
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