Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s Black Eye Candy. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of May 6, 2010

Would you look at fist? First up…

Tooth Fairy

It’s hard to believe that children aren’t more afraid of Tooth Fairies. Then again, at that age, you're probably more concerned with the fact that your teeth are falling out. Which is likely the reason why we've never questioned the modus operandi of these enamel-admiring imps…until now.

When a cocky minor league hockey player, Derek (Dwayne Johnson), pilfers a dollar from underneath his girlfriend’s daughter’s pillow, he is sentenced by the head fairy (Julie Andrews) to serve as a tooth-collector for two-weeks.

Partnered with a dimwitted caseworker (Stephen Merchant), Derek not only learns the fairy trade, but also a lesson in humility and helping others.

Though its covered in plaque-inducing predictability, Tooth Fairy has enough creativity, comedy and charisma to placate both kids and adults. 

However, if our teeth are so valuable, why don’t tooth fairies just bring along a hammer and take our unloose ones as well?  0

Leap Year

With the copyright infringement fines incurred when one sings the song “Happy Birthday”, it’s no wonder so many are choosing to only celebrate their birthday on a leap year.

And while this rom-com isn’t about that freakish 29th day of February that only comes once every four-years, it is about a freakish role-reversal-proposal-loophole that only comes once every four-years.

Informed that on a Leap Year, in Ireland, a woman can propose to her boyfriend, Anna (Amy Adams) heads to Dublin to proposition her workaholic beau. But when a storm grounds her miles away from her destination, she must hire an impetuous young corker (Matthew Goode), who’s intent on showing her a goodtime.

Although the love triangle is typical, Leap Year is moderately enjoyable – the leads are winsome and the scenery is resplendent.

And the best part about getting married on a leap year is you only have to forget your anniversary every four-years.  0

Nine

Being a film director is a very arduous job, so it’s no wonder that most choose to save time by making re-makes. However, the visionary view-master in this romantic musical forgoes that status quo, constructing his own vehicle instead...which he has yet to conceive.

With filming on his latest project set to begin, Italian director Guido (Daniel Day-Lewis) slips into a mid-life crisis. Uninspired, he heads to a resort where he mulls over his current loves: his wife (Marion Cotilard); his mistress (Penélope Cruz); his muse (Nicole Kidman); and a journalist (Kate Hudson), all of whom sing a little ditty about Guido.

Based on a stage play inspired by the film 8 1/2, Nine is a shoddy substitute for Federico Fellini’s atypical autobiography: the story is fractured, the songs are forgettable and the filmmaking is flawed. 

Besides, everyone knows uninspired directors get their next muse from that other source of imaginative wealth…Books.  0

***Cloudy with a Chance of Dove Tears***

Purple Rain

You know that when the forecast calls for purple rain, God has been drinking Welcher’s grape juice again. Fortunately, you don’t have to worry about getting drenched in his magenta emiction, because this romantic musical is a metaphor for a young musician's control issues.

When a cocky composer, The Kid (Prince), meets an aspiring singer (Apollonia Kotero), he is forced to face his abusive nature as he contends with a rival singer (Morris Day) and dissension within his own band, The Revolution.

Conceived by Prince to accommodate his album of the same name, Purple Rain is a dark and poignant depiction of domestic abuse and megalomania. Conversely, it’s also a hilarious and decadent delineation of the cutthroat band culture of the 1980s club scene. 

And if you don’t believe that a beating from Prince could ever hurt, obviously, you’ve never slide off a purple leather couch while wearing shorts before.

He’s the Artist Formerly Known as…

The Vidiot