Be Kind, Please Rewind

He's Against the Ingrained. He's the...

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Week of July 8, 2010

Tattoos are the only work of art that doctors can biopsy. First up... 

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

For her sake, I hope the girl in question went with an image of a dragon and not a Chinese character of the word, because then they’d have to change this film’s title to The Girl with the Supermarket Love Shoe Tattoo.

Unfortunately, this thriller isn’t about a white girl who refuses to do her research before getting inked, it is, however, about an inked white girl who does too much research.

When disgraced journalist Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist) is hired to solve the 40-year-old mystery surrounding the disappearance of Harriet Vanger, he realizes that all of his suspects are related to her. Meanwhile, a cyberpunk computer hacker (Noomi Rapace) with a keen interest in the case begins e-mailing Mikael pertinent information. Making an effective team, the unlikely pair soon begins solving additional murders that help to further implicate the Vanger family.

Rank with kindred carnality, Nazis affectations and corkscrew twists, this adaptation of a Swedish novel–the first in a trilogy–is a rich and sadistic whodunit.

And while a tattooed investigator seems unprofessional, face it: with Generation Y taking over the workforce we’re bound to see plenty more doctors, lawyers and teachers sporting lower-back tattoos and pierced scrotums.  0

A Single Man 

The best thing about being a single man is that you never have to worry about all the little inconsequential details that go into a relationship, like remembering anniversaries or to flush the toilet. Instead, you’re free to focus on spell-checking that suicide note before your next attempt.

Sadly, the single man in this drama is also contemplating taken his own life, however, he is not doing so over the absence of a female – but of a male.

Set in Los Angles in 1962, A Single Man chronicles the end days of a homosexual English professor, George (Colin Firth), who has recently lost his lover, Jim (Matthew Goode), in a car accident. Forbidden by Jim’s parents to attend the funeral, instead, George ruminates over his favourite memories of Jim. On occasion, he even manages to surface from his doldrums to reminisce with an old friend (Julianne Moore) and foster a relationship with one of his male students.

Stylistic as it is solemn, A Single Man is a weighty tome with its earnest airs and dirge-like narrative drastically undercutting its artistic and acting merits.

As for dealing with a funeral ban, simply attend the service disguised as the deceased’s favourite clown.  0

Brooklyn's Finest 

Believe it or not: law enforcement officers have lives outside of the police force. Unfortunately, due to their low wages and departmental cutbacks most of their free time is spent bouncing frat-boys from clubs and tazering disgruntled mall patrons.

Luckily, the trio of trained troopers in this intersecting crime-drama found other means of offsetting their paltry weekly wages.

With a pregnant wife suffering respiratory issues, officer Sal (Ethan Hawke) looks to fund a new home with police ceased drug money. Meanwhile, undercover officer Tango (Don Cheadle) hopes to solidify a promotion with his next drug bust. Elsewhere, apathetic officer Eddie (Richard Gere) continues to neglect his police duties. Now, each of the officers must face the realization that the badge they are wearing does not absolve their sins, exempt past allegiances or condone complacency.

Cluttered with every cop cliché there is, Brooklyn’s Finest is clumsy. With equal attention paid to each of the overlapping narratives, neither account receives enough emotional oomph to make a significant impact.

And while a world without dirty cops sounds like heaven, just remember that without them future hosts of G-20 summits will be solely responsible for hiring their own racist goons to beat up protesters.  0

***Muscle Relaxant Beach***

The Salton Sea

If you’ve fallen through a skylight, greenhouse or house of mirrors recently, you may want to avoid vacationing at one of California’s saltiest body’s of water. Fortunately, the tweaked out meth head in this murky murder mystery is too preoccupied with tracking down his wife’s killer to jet ski.

Known among the meth set as speed freak Danny Parker (Val Kilmer), the heavily inked addict also moonlights as a trumpet player and snitch for a pair of dirty cops. Determined to reel in the “big fish” (Vincent D'Onofrio), Danny submerges himself further into the drug trade. But as the narrative unfolds, Danny’s real reasons for excessive drug use are exposed.

An attempt at a seedy film noir, The Salton Sea succeeds: its characters are unsavory, its hero’s anguish is palpable and its plot twists are unpredicted.

As for beach tweakers: to maintain that suppurative lesion look, apply plenty of sunscreen.

He's a Sunburn-out. He's the...

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