Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s the Clam Before the Storm. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of April 15, 2010

The world is you’re oyster bar. First up…

Pirate Radio

When tuning into a pirate radio station one can expect to hear an eclectic set of tunes, from classic sea chanteys, to today’s top multi-million dollar ransom asking Somalian artists. However, the freebooter frequency in this comedy is neither dedicated to poofie plunders, nor roaming packs Puntland pillagers.

Sent to live with his godfather (Bill Nighy) aboard a vessel which broadcasts rock n’ roll from the North Sea, Carl (Tom Sturridge) receives an education in sex, drugs, and rocking the boat from Britain’s brashest DJs (Philip Seymour Hoffman, Nick Frost and Rhys Ifans). But when their broadcast impedes maritime distress signals, an uptight government minister (Kenneth Branagh) vows to sink the station.

With a bloody brilliant cast and a smashing soundtrack that’ll get the missus as randy as a sloshed slapper, Pirate Radio is the dog's bollocks.

In fact, modern DJs should really consider broadcasting from the sea, particularly the bottom of it.  0

The Slammin’ Salmon

Home to sperm whales, starfish, blowfish, crabs, underage prostitute eels and dildo-nosed dolphins, the ocean is certainly earth’s most perverted ecosystem. Therefore, it’s no surprise that the members of the Broken Lizard comedy troupe would base their latest R-rated comedy around marine life.

When former-boxer turned seafood restaurateur Cleon Salmon (Michael Clarke Duncan) is indebted to the Asian mob, he orders his hapless staff to sell $10,000 worth of food by the night’s end. To motivate them, an all-inclusive trip is offered to the winner, while a thrashing goes to the loser. Needles to say, the employees begin sabotaging each other’s tables in order to secure the prize, resulting in zany antics.

Sautéed in dirty jokes and sprinkled with guest stars, The Slammin’ Salmon is a prosaic production saved only by Clarke Duncan’s performance.

And while seafood’s considered brain food, if mercury levels are high enough it then becomes brain impairment food.  0

Red Cliff

While China is on its way to becoming a leading super-power, most folks are unaware of its significance, since the country's ban on the Internet prevents it from bragging about itself on facebook. Luckily, the Chinese have this historical action/drama to enlighten western audiences of their supremacy.

In 208 AD, a warlord from the north, Cao Cao, decides to overthrow his two rivals in the south, Sun Quan and Liu Bei (Tony Leung Chiu Wai). To foil Cao Cao, the two overlords must forge an unlikely alliance. But with Cao Cao’s ranks still outnumbering their amalgamated armies, Sun and Liu must apply cunning to abate the attacks.

Based on a true story, this expansive yet lengthy epic is masterfully handled by director John Woo, who restores beauty, humour and chivalry to Asian cinema.

And while some doubt China’s proliferation, remember, they’ve already established China Towns in almost every North American city.  0

***On The Airhead***

Good Morning, Vietnam

Disk jockeys have it rough: they’re too ugly for TV, too dumb for newspapers, and too hateful for the Nazis Party. Fortunately, they have radio to spread their brand of humourless comedy. However, like most rules, there are exceptions, and this DJ is it.

When Adrian Cronauer (Robin Williams) begins broadcasting over Armed Forces Radio during the Vietnam War, his off-the-wall antics do gangbusters amongst the troops. But his stint behind the mic has the opposite effect on the station’s management, who disapprove of his sociopolitical message. Furthermore, amidst the bouts of laughter, Adrian is exposed to the heartbreak and injustice occurring just outside his broadcast booth.

A masterful mix of comedy and tragedy, accompanied by a sizzling 1960s soundtrack, Good Morning, Vietnam represents both the horror and the humour of war.

And since that unlikely combination has proven successful, maybe we should start sending every Disk Jockey to the front-lines.

He’s a Diss Jockey. He’s the…

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