Be Kind, Please Rewind

He has a New Leash on Life. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of February 11, 2010

Optimists are just pessimists on antidepressants. First up…

A Serious Man

Be it complex trials to determine the strength of one’s moral and religious fortitude, or some simple multiple-choice followed by a urine sample, God sure loves to test his flock.

However, most times, these heavenly assessments are mistaken for bouts of bad luck, as is the case with middle-aged physics professor Larry Gopnik (Michael Stuhlbarg)

After receiving a bribe from a failing student, Larry’s life begins to unravel – his wife leaves him, his brother moves in, and his children become involved in drugs and petty larceny – as he decides whether or not to accept the pay off.

Written and directed by The Coen Brothers, A Serious Man is an adept adaptation of the Book of Job, which is anointed in clever biblical references and shrouded in a veil of dark humor and esoteric metaphors.

As for passing one of God’s tests, just copy off of Jesus’ paper. He knows everything.  0

Couples Retreat

Couples only retreat when the conversation turns to pregnancy, money management or weekly salsa lessons.

Oops. Apparently the “retreat” in the title of this rom-com doesn’t pertain to the subjects that cause couples to recoil in fear, but a tropical locale.

With their marriage on the rocks, Jason (Jason Bateman) and Cynthia (Kristen Bell) head to a picturesque island to seek counseling. To make their stay more comfortable, they invite three other couples (Vince Vaughn, Malin Akerman, Jon Favreau, Kristen Davis, Faizon Love, Kali Hawk) to join them. However, the accompanying couples are stunned to learn that their relationships will also be scrutinized.

Designed to dissect the mysteries of marriage, Couples Retreat relies too heavily on self-help hoopla and Vince Vaughn’s inane chatter in order to maintain a minimal level of entertainment.

What’s more, couples looking to reignite the passion in their marriage should look no further than wife swapping.  0

The Stepfather

Marrying a woman with children is the quickest and easiest way to gain dependants, which, in turn, will guarantee you an awesome tax refund.

However, the man marrying into the Harding family isn’t doing so for tax deductions, but for a more nefarious purpose, all together.

When Michael (Penn Badgley) returns home from school, he learns that his mother has remarried, and that her new husband, David (Dylan Walsh), is now living with them. But as time passes, David’s violent and deceitful nature presents itself. Now, it’s up to Michael and his girlfriend to uncover David’s past and to prevent him from tearing the family apart.

A re-make of the 1987 original, The Stepfather is a conventional mystery-thriller carried out in a predictable manner that leaves no room for scares or plausibility.

Besides, stepfathers are terrific leverage when trying to persuade your biological father to pay for your nose job.  0

The Time Traveler’s Wife

As the wife of a time traveler, it’s likely that you’ll have to relive past blowjobs on a constant loop.

Fortunately, the spouse of this time traveler isn’t doomed to repeat her oral history, but to live a life of loneliness.

Born with a gene which thrusts him back and forth through time, Henry (Eric Bana) finds an anchor in Clare (Rachel McAdams), a woman he’s been visiting since she was 6-years-old.

Permitted to be together for only moments at a time, the two, however, form a bond that transcends both the laws of physics and the confines of love.

Based on a novel, The Time Traveler’s Wife is an abridged version of its literary counterpart, forgoing the salacious sub-plots for a more streamline love story.

And while it is a tender romance, you can’t help but wonder if Henry’s continual absence is the result of The Time Traveler’s Mistresses.  0

***Back to the Fuchsia***

Peggy Sue Got Married

If given the opportunity to revisit their high school days, most women would probably opt for the prophylactic this time around.

And while the middle-aged woman in this rom-com isn’t using her time in the past to prevent an unwanted pregnancy, she is using the occasion to avoid marrying her high school sweetheart/cheating husband.

When recently separated Peggy Sue (Kathleen Turner) attends her 25th High School Reunion, sans her philandering husband (Nicholas Cage), she’s declared the queen. But on her way to the podium, she faints, and wakes up in 1960, where she proceeds to circumvent her failed relationship.

Directed by Francis Ford Coppola, Peggy Sue Got Married is a charming comedy about the pitfalls of time travel and the inevitability of love.  

However, time travel shouldn’t be used to alter your love life, but to spoil the ending of every movie released in the last 25 years for everyone.

He's a Waste of Time Travel. He's the...

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