He’s a Doomsday Trader. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of Smarch 5, 2010
Nostradamus was sooo predictable. First up…
2012
If you ask me, this whole end times hubbub is just a ruse concocted by a surreptitious group of anti-calendar rabble-rousers, orchestrated to prevent the populace from keeping their hair, brunch and mani/pedi appointments.
Unfortunately, this foreboding film doesn’t address theories of a week-less world, but a temperature spike in the Earth’s core instead.
When solar winds throw the planet’s crust out of whack, causing earthquakes and volcanic eruptions all over the world, a writer (John Cusack) must get his ex-wife (Amanda Peet), their children, and her boyfriend to the Himalayas, where 400,000 people have been selected to board an armada of exclusive survival arks.
Inspired by the Mayan Doomsday Prophecy, 2012 is a schmaltzy, pseudo-inspirational disaster movie about making amends with estranged family members before the end.
However, in a real apocalyptic situation, that reparation would simply be a trick to get more fresh meat into the fallout bunker. 0
Where the Wild Things Are
As with most civilized worlds, our wild things are either kept heavily sedated at the zoo, or are on a stage performing in a glitzy Las Vegas magic act.
Oops, apparently the title of this movie isn't a question concerning the whereabouts of our planet’s fauna, but an island occupied by outlandish creatures.
Ignored by his older sister and neglected by his mom (Catherine Keener), a pajama-clad Max (Max Records) runs away from home. Setting sail in a small vessel, Max eventually lands on an island inhabited by emotionally misdirected monsters that mistakenly take him for their king.
Based on the popular children’s book, Where the Wild Things Are is a dark and depressing exploration of the adolescent psyche that ostracizes younger viewers, but is tailor-made for hipsters with Peter Pan complexes and psych degrees.
As for being the king of the monsters, it’s only fun until you have to pick a queen. 0
Gentlemen Broncos
As a writer of science fiction, the biggest career disappointment that you’ll probably have to face is the fact that all of your fans are the type of people who read science fiction.
Case in point, famed fantasy scribe Chevalier (Jemaine Clement), whose recent writers’ workshop has attracted a cavalcade of basement dwellers.
Invited to attend one of Chevalier’s seminars, a home-schooled nerd with sci-fi writing aspirations, Benjamin (Michael Angarano), submits a manuscript, which Chevalier later passes off to his editor as his own. Meanwhile, a filmmaker purchases Benjamin's story and begins turning it into a movie.
Inter-spliced with bizarre homoerotic outer space segments featuring Sam Rockwell, and random bits of comedy delivered through an abstract cast of characters, Gentlemen Broncos is a quirky and annoying ball of bemusement.
As for plagiarizing someone else’s novel, that type of behaviour's only permissible if said novel is imaginative, insightful and really well written. 0
***Castaway Your Ballots***
Lord of the Flies
The biggest problem with a society comprised of children is that in a few years that same society will be run by adults, then old people, and, eventually, skeletons.
Fortunately, the kids who founded the makeshift society in this movie don’t have to worry about time, because they don’t have much left.
Stranded on an island after a plane crash, a group of students are forced to endure the elements together. But when a spat concerning the fire splits the group into two factions, the headstrong Jack must face off against the levelheaded Ralph (Balthazar Getty) and his portly pal Piggy.
Based on the popular novel, this adaptation of Lord of the Flies may not be the best, but it’s still an effective allegory of governance gone awry in a lopsided power struggle.
As for winning over island voters, I’m pretty sure whichever candidate promises to build an airport will win.
He's Taking Atoll. He's the...
Vidiot
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