Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s the Scenester of the Crime. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of April 1, 2525

That chalk outline makes you look fat. First up…

Sherlock Holmes

In this day and age, the only prerequisites needed to be a police detective is a badge, a gun, an ulcer, a bitch of an ex-wife, and one helluva drinking problem. 

In 1891, however, detectives, like the one featured in this mystery, needed to be astute, refined and have one helluva cocaine addiction.

After foiling Lord Blackwell’s human sacrifice, detective Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.) and his assistant Dr. Watson (Jude Law) descend further into the quagmire of black magic when the recently executed Blackwell rises from the grave. What’s more, Holmes must contend with the return of his ex-girlfriend (Rachel McAdams), a master thief in the service of a shadowy mastermind.

Directed by Guy Ritchie, Sherlock Holmes is a rollicking revision of the scholarly sleuth which uses kinetic camera work and cocky actors to coax out the characters lesser-known qualities. Hip and contemporary, with a solid footing in Arthur Conan Doyle lore, Sherlock Holmes will please both newcomers and diehards alike.

And while they may seem like they are more than just friends, I assure you, the partnership between Holmes and Watson is as innocent as that of Batman and Robin’s, R2-D2 and C3PO’s, or Siegfried and Roy’s.  0 

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel

Usually, when you place three wild rodents in a recording studio surrounded by expensive equipment and press record, all you get is the sound of them chewing through the microphone cord, followed by a crackle of electricity, and three death rattles. 

However, in this furry family film, when you put a trio of tree dwellers in a studio, you get a bunch of high-pitched cover songs.

With Dave (Jason Lee) in hospital after a chipmunk related accident, the boys, Alvin, Simone and Theodore (Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler and Jesse McCartney), are entrusted to his nephew, Toby (Zachary Levi). Required to attend high school, the Chipmunks make a big splash on campus when they’re asked to save the school’s music program. But before the boys can collect the prize money, they must best an all-female chipmunk group (Amy Poehler, Anna Faris and Christina Applegate).

A perfunctory sequel to the 2007 original, The Squeakquel maintains the same low expectations as its predecessor: the story is sorry, the songs are boring, and the star-studded vocal cast is superfluous.

Besides, the only time you’re libel to find chipmunks inside of a high school is when the cafeteria is serving mystery meat for lunch.  0

An Education

Due to high tuition fees, getting an education these days may cost an arm and leg, but in the end it will outfit you with the proper skills needed to fill out unemployment forms.

And while the English bird in this dramedy has yet to even graduate high school, she has already learnt a lot about life, love and criminal activity.

While on her way home from school, 16-year-old Jenny (Carey Mulligan) is offered a ride home from David (Peter Sarsgaard), a worldly suitor nearly twice her senior. Enchanted by his sophistication, Jenny’s parents (Alfred Molina and Cara Seymour) bend to David’s will, which includes escorting their underage daughter to Paris. But when Jenny learns of how David and his mates afford such a lavish lifestyle, she must decide between what is right and what is wrong, even though one allows her unprecedented freedom.

Based on a memoir, An Education is a charming, and alarming, coming-of-age tale which is draped in 1960s couture and saturated in first-rate performances.

As for receiving an education at the hands of an older gentleman, for the sake of your transcripts, make sure he grades your oral performance before he goes into cardiac arrest.  0    

***The Fountain of Sleuth*** 

Young Sherlock Holmes

The reason young folks make such bad detectives is that if they aren’t receiving as much attention as the corpse, they could care less about finding the killer.

While not all youthful gumshoes are as self-centered as that, the one in this mystery certainly has right to be.

While attending a British boarding school, young Sherlock Holmes (Nicholas Row) meets his future partner in crime solving, John Watson (Alan Cox), when a number of prominent business men begin dying as a result of hallucinogenic drugs.

Quick to pick up the clues, Holmes and Watson discover that an Egyptian-themed cult is responsible for the numerous deaths, as well as a missing girl, whom the cult plans to sacrifice.

Filled with action and twisted imagery, Young Sherlock Holmes is a high-spirited interpretation of the beloved character.

As for teen detectives, if they can’t solve the case in 5 minutes – it can’t be solved.

He's a Privatized Eye. He's the...

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