Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Wild Card Dealer. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of June 3, 2010

I’ve had a sudden change of hearts to diamonds. First up…

Alice in Wonderland

When it comes to ingesting narcotics and reading classic literature, the most popular choice has to be Jack Kerouac’s On The Road and a package of NoDoz caffeine pills. However, a close second would be this Lewis Carroll tome and just about any type of hallucinogen, from LSD to psychedelic toad secretion.

Years after her first visit, 19-year-old Alice (Mia Wasikowska) returns to the topsy-turvy realm of Wonderland, which is now under the rule of the Red Queen (Helena Bonham Carter) and her terribly nonsensical pet-monster the Jabberwocky. Unaware of her previous visits, Alice is reintroduced to the inhabitants of Wonderland, including The Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp) and the White Queen (Anne Hathaway), who assist in her plan to overthrow the Red Queen.

Under the assumption that everyone is all ready familiar with the legendary tale, director Tim Burton foregoes the process of unearthing strange characters and environments and, instead, delves headlong into a dark and depressing version of Wonderland that's littered with an array of melancholy characters that fail to either engage or entertain.

And while chasing a white rabbit may lead children to a fantastical world, more often than not, they’ll just lead them to an animal-testing facility. 0

The Wolfman

Due to its close association with the lunar cycle and its ability to cause its victims to enter in to a blind rage, lycanthrope may just be the male equivalent to the female menstrual period. However, you’ll need a lot more than a Kotex lined net to capture the crimson soaked beast in this hairy horror movie.

Subsequent to his brother’s mysterious disappearance, Lawrence Talbot (Benicio Del Toro) is requested by his brother’s wife (Emily Blunt) to return to the family estate and help his estranged father (Anthony Hopkins) with the manhunt. Meanwhile, a detective (Hugo Weaving) leads a search party to track down a beast that’s been stalking the countryside. But before the creature can be subdued, it bites Lawrence, who must then endure a painful transformation every full moon.

A re-make of the 1941 Universal Studios classic, this updated version borrows heavily from the mythos but also forges its own gothic and violent interpretation. Unfortunately, the budding romance between Lawrence and his sister-in-law is never fully fleshed out.

And while capturing a werewolf would certainly be cause for celebration, it’s important to note that when hunting for The Wolfman to avoid capturing a Grecian male sunbather by accident.  0

***Malice in Neverland***

Hook

As an adult heading back to a fantasyland you visited as a child, it’s important to remember that if the affects of the pixie dust lasts longer than 4-hours to contact your physician.

When Captain Hook (Dustin Hoofman) kidnaps his children from the real world, a grownup, workaholic Peter Pan (Robin Williams) must return to Neverland in order to rescue them. But when he arrives, Peter finds his children are more enamored by the attentiveness of Hook, than himself. To alleviate this situation, Peter tracks down Tinker Bell (Julia Roberts) and The Lost Boys who help him regain his youthful vigor.

A re-envisioning of the classic story of a boy who refuses to grow up, Hook is a whimsical and comical exploration of the importance of retaining your inner child. But be forewarned: preserving your inner child doesn’t mean you cannot be tried as an adult in a court of law.

He has a Peter Pan Complexion. He’s the…

Vidiot