Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Not Guilty Pleasure. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of February 18, 2010

I've got delusions of grand jury. First up…

Law Abiding Citizen

For those unfamiliar with the term, “law-abiding citizen” is a fancy title for future victims, patsies and/or human shields.

And while the upright citizen in this mystery-thriller isn’t easily taken advantage of, or used to block bullets, he is definitely a victim.

When thugs murder his wife and child, ex-CIA engineer Clyde (Gerard Butler) is further victimized by the justice system when the killers are set free.

Infuriated by the outcome, Clyde sets in motion a meticulous plan of retribution that sentences everyone involved in the case, including the judge and D.A. (Jamie Foxx), to death.

While the tactics employed by Clyde are a tad excessive, bordering on sadistic, the twists and turns of Law Abiding Citizen are substantial and surprisingly sufficient.

As for extracting a less incriminating form of revenge on the courts: place a Whoopee Cushion on the judge’s bench and Krazy Glue inside the Barrister’s powdered wig.  0

Coco avant Chanel

It’s extremely rare for a designer to make such an indelible impression on the fashion world at an early age. It’s rarer still that said designer isn’t a flamboyantly gay man.

Raised an orphan, Coco (Audrey Tautou) spends her formative years singing and sewing costumes in a French cabaret with her sister. But when her sibling marries, Coco must make her own way in the world.

Rendezvousing with a Baron that she met while singing, Coco embeds herself in high society, where she designs hats for the Bourgeoisie. Later, she has an affair with an English merchant who cultivates her creativity.

Detailing the humble beginnings of fashion’s most recognizable names, Coco avant Chanel is a sluggish tale that concludes right before its protagonist becomes interesting.

In fact, it’s advised that you avoid this, and all subsequent sequels pertaining to Coco, with the exception of the fifth installment, Chanel No. 5. 0 

***Haute Dunnit***

Prêt-à-Porter

Death in the fashion industry is usually attributed to malnutrition, falling off of the runway, or a scathingly delicious critique from Mr. Blackwell. In this case, however, the casualty in question is the result of murder.

Set during Paris Fashion Week, Prêt-à-Porter (Ready-to-Wear) focuses on the slaying of a prominent designer. With suspicion cast on a host of eccentric characters, including his wife, his mistress, his competitor, a pair of fashion magazine editors and two American journalists (Julia Roberts and Tim Robbins), the investigation begins.

Featuring a venerable who’s who list from Italian cinema (Marcello Mastroianni and Sophia Loren), Hollywood (Forest Whitaker, Kim Basinger and Lauren Bacall) and the world of fashion (Naomi Campbell, Linda Evangelista and Jean-Paul Gaultier) Prêt-à-Porter’s intersecting storylines may be a hot mess, but it sure looks absolutely fierce in the process.

As for the real murderer at this fashion show, it’s anyone who’s wearing fur.

He's a Fascist Designer. He's the...

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