He Commits Snow-Manslaughter. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of December 1, 2017
Icicle stabbings escalate every December.
First up…
The Hitman’s Bodyguard
You should never hand your hitman friend a
guest list and ask them to take care of it.
Thankfully, the contract killer in this
action-comedy isn’t attending any parties any time soon.
Willing to testify against a murderous
dictator (Gary Oldman) in exchange for his wife’s (Salma Hayek) release from
prison, renowned button man Kincaid (Samuel L. Jackson) is paired with
disgraced bodyguard Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) to ensure that he makes it to the
witness stand alive.
Unfortunately, Bryce’s uptight approach
towards witness protection conflicts with Kincaid’s laidback attitude towards
killing. However, Interpol’s plan to betray both brings them together.
While the action and the plot of this
over-the-top buddy picture are pretty much old hat, the rapid-fire banter
between the two archetypal, yet charismatic, leads do make up for the film’s
numerous shortcomings.
Incidentally, as an assassin’s bodyguard
you get to pat down a lot of high paid therapists. Yellow Light
American Assassin
The trouble with millennial assassins is
that they take too many selfies with their dead target afterwards.
Luckily, the rookie in this action-thriller
had a traumatic experience with a camera.
After filming his fiancée’s death at the
hands of jihadists, Mitch Rapp (Dylan O'Brien) studies Islam in order to
infiltrate their cell and extract revenge. However, the CIA has been monitoring
Rapp’s online activities and has now recruited him.
Trained by a gruff ex-Navy SEAL (Michael
Keaton), Rapp is sent into the field to stop a former agent (Taylor Kitsch)
from selling a nuclear weapon to terrorists.
Mitch Rapp’s first foray into films, this
stylish adaptation of the popular book series is a misstep for the fledging
franchise. While the performances are solid, the turncoat agent storyline is
standard cloak and dagger stuff.
Moreover, it must be hard to win a war when
your citizens keep joining the other side.
Yellow Light
***Slay Belle***
The Long Kiss Goodnight
The best gift you can give an assassin at
Christmas is a contract on a cheating spouse.
Regrettably, the killer in this action
movie has forgotten who she is.
When a holiday head injury jogs memories of
her being a CIA assassin, mild-mannered schoolteacher Samantha (Geena Davis)
hires a private detective (Samuel L. Jackson) to help her uncover this
mysterious past she has forgotten.
It’s not long until the agent who tried to
kill her the first time comes to finish the job that Sam recalls her final
mission to frame Islamic terrorists for a CIA bombing of Niagara Falls.
With its breakneck action sequences, slick
dialogue and hilarious performance from Sam Jackson, this highly underrated
buddy picture from 1996 is also a neglected Christmas movie that deserves a
seat at the yuletide action movie table.
Besides, with all of the seasonal suicides
Christmas is a slow time for hit-men.
He’s Saint Nickel and Dime. He’s the…
Vidiot
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