He’s the Nth Wonder of the World. He’s
the...
Vidiot
Week of November 24, 2017
There is no other planet more fun to
destroy than Earth. First up...
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
The only difference between air and space
travel are the amount of tentacles the rude flight attendant has.
Bad service is likely the reason the
star-farer in this sci-fi fantasy commands his own spaceship.
Major Valerian (Dane DeHaan) and his pilot
Sergeant Laureline (Cara Delevingne) are dispatched by the International Space
Station to intercede the black market sale of a special converter that could
help save the travelling city of Alpha.
However, the converter holds an ancient
secret within it that could undermine the very system Valerian and Laureline
are fighting to defend.
Director Luc Besson’s eye-popping 3-D
adaptation of the long-running French comic series, this lengthy production
certainly captures the way-out there ideas of the space opera strip, however,
the childish humour, goofy looking aliens and hollow acting don’t translate to
the screen as well.
Besides, French comic book heroes tend to
surrender at the first sign of danger.
Yellow Light
Logan Lucky
Most criminals know that when you steal
from NASCAR you are stealing from Jesus himself.
However, someone failed to tell the morons
in this comedy about NASCAR’s number one fan.
Recently laid off Logan (Channing Tatum)
concocts a plan to rob his former employee: Charlotte Motor Speedway, by
intercepting the money capsules that move through the facility via tubelines.
With help from his brother Clyde (Adam
Driver), two dimwitted hackers (Brian Gleeson, Jack Quaid) and a safecracker
(Daniel Craig), Logan hopes that the caper will reunite him with his estranged
daughter. Instead it sets off a wild chain of events.
Despite its stacked cast and an
accomplished director in Steven Soderbergh, this comedic heist is light on
laughs and heavy on annoying characters, highly improbable situations and
monotonous pacing. In fact, Driver’s dopey accent discredits the entire
production.
Worse, when you steal from NASCAR your
punishment is to watch NASCAR. Red Light
***Extinction Level Up***
Cowboy Bebop: The Movie
The upside to living on Mars is that you
don’t have to travel far for your anal probing.
Mind you, there won’t be much to probe if
the terrorists in this anime have their way.
Nearly 50 years after a dying Earth was
evacuated in favour of life on Mars, the fleeting human populace once again
faces extinction in the form of nanovirus. To prevent further attacks, the
Martian government issues a generous bounty, which subsequently attracts Faye
Valentine, owner of the spaceship Beebop, and her ragtag crew of bounty
hunters, Spike Spiegel, Jet Black and a robotic dog.
Based on the popular television series of
the same name, this feature length animated adaptation will satisfy long-time
fans of the series, but struggles to find new fans thanks to its somewhat goofy
standalone narrative.
Incidentally, life on Mars is pretty much
the same as on Earth except the garbage floats.
He’s a Space Case Study. He’s the...
Vidiot
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