Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Bonfire Eater. He’s the….

Vidiot

Week of December 2, 2016

Pioneers didn’t care about their hair reeking of campfire. First up…

 

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Pete’s Dragon

When your best friend is a dragon opening a crematory wouldn’t be such a bad business venture.

However, the preteen in this fantasy might not be ready to handle corpses just yet.

Raised by the fire-breathing Elliot after being deserted in the woods, Pete (Oakes Fegley) makes his first contact with humanity in 5 years.

Adopted by a conservation officer (Bryce Dallas Howard), her boyfriend (Wes Bentley) and her father (Robert Redford), Pete finally finds the family he’s fantasized about. But when a hunter (Karl Urban) gets wind of Elliot, Pete’s pal becomes a prized bounty.

Surprisingly darker than the original 1977 musical, this socially aware remake does happen to feature far superior special effects to its cartoon counterpart. However, those technological advances aren’t enough to imbue the furry CGI lead with any personality.  

Furthermore, now the woods are going to be crawling with barren women desperate to adopt feral children.  Red Light

 

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Don’t Breathe

The most dangerous aspect of a blind person’s house is their chaotically arranged furniture.

Which is why the burglars in this thriller shouldn’t walk around in the dark.

Hard up for cash after a deal goes south, Detroit hoods Rocky (Jane Levy), Money (Daniel Zovatto) and Alex (Dylan Minnette) decide to break into the residence of a blind vet (Stephen Lang) who has a large legal settlement stowed away inside.

However, the home invasion turns into murder when the sightless occupant begins offing the intruders to keep them from discovering what he has confined in his basement.

Enriched by a number of narrative twists, Don’t Breathe does a decent job of keeping up the tension and delivering the thrills. While some scenes can be construed as comical, the end result is a satisfying nail-biter.

Incidentally, blind people think that someone is in their house every time the TV is on.  Green Light

***Blind Man’s Buffett***

 

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Wait Until Dark

Since sunlight doesn’t matter to them, blind people should only work nightshifts.

Fortunately, the blind woman in this thriller doesn’t have a day job to worry about losing.

When a drug mule stashes an antique doll filled with heroin on her husband (Efrem Zimbalist Jr.) during his flight home, sightless Susy (Audrey Hepburn) becomes the unwilling victim to the thugs (Alan Arkin, Richard Crenna, Jack Weston) who come to her apartment looking for it.

In order to best the burglars, Susy exploits what remaining faculties she has by grabbing a kitchen knife and cutting all power to her place.

With a top tier cast, a slow-burner script adapted from the Broadway production and a gripping score courtesy of Henry Mancini, Wait Until Dark is a testament to the resilience of both women and the disable. 

Lastly, if you can’t steal from a blind woman maybe you shouldn’t be a criminal.

He’s Primary Colourblind. He’s the…

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