He’s Low-Hanging Fruitcake. He’s the …
Vidiot
Week of December 9, 2016
Giants were replaced by stepladders.
First up…
The BFG
Finding a friendly giant is a rare feat; so
make sure you safely capture it for financial gains.
Unfortunately, the orphan in this fantasy
is the one who ends up being caught.
Nabbed in the middle of the night by the
Big Friendly Giant (Mark Rylance) after she spots him scavenging London’s
streets, Sophie (Ruby Barnhill) is carried off to Giant Country.
There she learns of a band of man-eating
behemoths and devises a nightmare to send to the slumbering Queen of England
(Penelope Wilton) to coax her into action against these monsters.
While it excels at setting a whimsical
atmosphere and delivering astonishing special effects, Steven Spielberg’s
animated live-action adaptation of Roald Dahl’s beloved children’s book,
unfortunately, not only star’s one of the most annoying CGI characters, but is
boring to boot.
Moreover, the Queen would only send British
troops to Giant Country if she wanted to colonize it. Red Light
The Secret Life of Pets
If our pets had secret lives than high-end
pet food retailers would already be exploiting that market.
Nevertheless, this animated adventure
maintains this clandestine claim.
When his owner adopts a mutt (Eric
Stonestreet), Max (Louis C.K.) wants nothing more than to remove the mongrel
from his home.
But while attempting to ditch him the pair
become embroiled in a string of altercations involving Animal Control, a gang
of unwanted pets and a plot to wipe out humanity implemented by a tyrannical
rabbit (Kevin Hart).
Lacking the laughs and emotional oomph of
the more prominent cartoon creations, this 3-D computer animated Indy tries to
emulate all of the big studio earmarks - celebrity voices, maudlin moments and
pop music medleys – but fails to reach any real consistency that makes you care
about these critters.
Incidentally, the only pets with real
secret lives are those currently active on the dog fighting circuit. Yellow Light
Jason Bourne
The hardest part of keeping a secret is
getting all those people you told to keep quiet.
Wisely, the secret agent in this action
movie has had amnesia up until now.
With the fog around his mind finally
lifted, ex-CIA assassin and wanted man Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) finally
resurfaces when an old friend (Julia Stiles) brings him Intel on his father –
the architect of the clandestine Treadstone program.
Standing in the way of the truth, however,
are privacy hackers, the new director of the CIA (Tommy Lee Jones) and a rival
gunman (Vincent Cassel) looking to settle an old score.
The fifth in the series but fourth to
feature Damon, this overdue sequel doesn’t live up to expectations. Sure the
action sequences are on point, but Damon’s droopy demeanour and minimal
dialogue have run their course.
Furthermore, it seems the only successful
assassination technique the CIA has is old age.
Yellow Light
***Reunion Dues***
All I Want for Christmas
The best present that divorced parents can
give their children is remarrying millionaires.
Mind you, the siblings in this comedy would
prefer their parents remarry each other.
Products of the 1990s separation boom,
Manhattanites Ethan (Ethan Randall) and his sister Hallie (Thora Birch) only
have one wish this Christmas: to trick their mother (Harley Jane Kozak) into
falling back in love with their father (Jamey Sheridan).
But in order to implement a plan that will
get rid of their mom’s new boyfriend (Kevin Nealon), they need the assistance
of their grandmother (Lauren Bacall), Ethan’s crush (Amy Oberer) and Santa
(Leslie Nielsen).
While the surprisingly funny script
ventures into familiar reconciliation territory, this seasonal take on the
subject is greatly benefitted by its snappy dialogue and resplendent setting –
even if it does set unrealistic expectations.
Moreover, if you want to really reunite
your separated parents over the holidays just fake cancer.
He has
Goodwill Power. He’s the….
Vidiot
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