He’s Rum Punch-Drunk. He’s the…
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Week of December 16, 2016
The holidays are just sanctioned
alcoholism. First up…
Suicide Squad
When assembling a team of suicidal soldiers
always ensure they wear parachutes when free falling into a mission.
Oddly, the miserable crew in this action
movie is more inclined to kill others.
When an ancient evil (Cara Delevingne)
transforms the inhabitants of Midway City into ferocious monstrosities,
military high-up Amanda Waller (Viola Davis) orders the formation of an elite
taskforce of super criminals.
Under the authority of Rick Flag (Joel
Kinnaman), and the control of explosive body-implants, marksman Deadshot (Will
Smith), psychopath Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie) and others (Jai Courtney, Jay
Hernandez, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) are dispatched to defeat the threat.
A hodgepodge of hokey fantasy, low-rent
super-powers and innumerable shootouts, DC’s film adaptation of its obscure
comic book is yet another misfire from the company’s second-rate canon. And
while Robbie does embody Harley, her performance is reduced to eye-candy.
Ironically, most soldiers who do see
military action end up suicidal. Red
Light
Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children
The best thing about odd-looking children
is never having to worry about them being kidnapped.
The weirdoes in this fantasy are doubly
safe as they also reside inside of a time loop.
Obsessed with visiting the magical
institution his grandfather (Terence Stamp) told him of, Jake (Asa Butterfield)
travels to England.
Not only does he eventually find it tucked
away in time, but becomes well acquainted with the shape shifting headmistress
(Eva Green) and her extraordinary students, like lighter-than-air Emma (Ella
Purnell) or the invisible boy and strong girl, as well as their enemy (Samuel
L. Jackson) who desires their eyeballs.
Tim Burton’s adaptation of the YA novel,
this dark and dreary adventure is suited to the director’s morose palate.
However, the overall story is pretty straightforward and the quirky characters
are kind of stock and forgettable.
Incidentally, these exceptional children
could make good wages as extras in X-Men movies. Yellow Light
Bridget Jones's Baby
The best part about having a baby when you
are old is that you can share diapers.
Mind you, the mature mother in this rom-com
can still control her body functions.
Bumbling Brit Bridget Jones (Renée
Zellweger) manages to get knocked up on her 43rd birthday. Worse, she doesn’t
know if the father is her recently divorced ex-boyfriend (Colin Firth), or the
dating website magnate (Patrick Dempsey) she copulated with at the music
festival.
Telling the would-be candidates while
forgoing the paternity tests, Bridget breeds a rivalry between the men, which
she fosters until the very end.
The anticipated third entry in the film
adaptation of the beloved book series, this second sequel delivers a more
familiar Bridget than the previous instalment. Less animated and more grounded,
fervent fans will rejoice Bridget’s return to recklessness.
Besides, whoever can afford to send the kid
to bordering school should be the dad. Yellow Light
Florence Foster Jenkins
The hardest part of being in the opera
nowadays is convincing people that the opera still exists.
Fortunately, the diva in this dramedy lives
in an era when it actually thrived.
With all the aspirations of an operatic
soloist but none of the vocal talent, socialite Florence Foster Jenkins (Meryl
Streep) unknowingly relies on her younger husband, St. Clair Bayfield (Hugh
Grant), to grease the palms of her adoring audience beforehand.
Florence’s flaws are duly noted by her new
accompanist Cosmé McMoon (Simon Helberg), who is not only baffled by St.
Clair’s actions, but also the audience’s admiration over her atrocious arias.
While the fact-based script vacillates
between solemn biography and comical musical with varying results, there is no
mistaking the magic of Streep’s remarkable turn as the world’s worst opera
singer.
Moreover, how can you call yourself an
opera singer when you can still stand under your own weight? Green Light
***12 Steps of Christmas***
A Very Sunny Christmas
Christmas is that special time of year when
happy and depressed people can both drink together in excess.
Fortunately, the friends in this comedy own
a tavern.
The immoral proprietors of a dive bar in
Philly, Dennis (Glenn Howerton) and his sister Dee (Kaitlin Olson), exact
Dickensian revenge on their corrupt father, Frank (Danny DeVito), who tricks
them out of great gifts every year, by having an old business partner of his
haunt him.
Meanwhile, the other titleholders, Charlie
(Charlie Day) and Mack (Rob McElhenney), reminisce over childhood memories
resulting in some shocking revelations about both of their family Christmas
traditions.
An extended episode of the cult comedy It's
Always Sunny in Philadelphia that’s been rebranded a Christmas special, this
twisted seasonal treat is just as outrageously hilarious as the long-running
series that requires annual viewing while intoxicated.
Besides, without alcohol Christmas would
just be some tawdry display of commercialism.
He’s a Bad Eggnog. He’s the…
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