He’s a High Maintenance Man. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of May 4, 2012
Eyebrows won’t paint themselves on. First up…
New Year’s Eve
Commencing a resolution on the same day as your worst hangover isn’t very prudent.
Unfortunately, the acquaintances in this rom-com revolving around the revelry aren’t so sagacious.
An innocuous New Year’s Eve becomes a life-altering event when numerous New Yorker’s are faced with year-end emotional drama.
Kim (Sarah Jessica Parker) battles her daughter’s (Abigail Breslin) independence. Kim’s brother Paul (Zac Efron) helps an older woman (Michelle Pfeiffer).
Paul’s friend (Ashton Kutcher) gets stuck in an elevator with a singer (Lea Michele) on her way to support a musician (Jon Bon Jovi) who has run into his ex (Katherine Heigl).
Elsewhere, a Times Square official (Hilary Swank) races to repair the ball.
An anthology of asinine anecdotes, New Year’s Eve has no worth outside of its endless parade of cameos and cockamamie life-lessons.
Incidentally, kissing a stranger at midnight is an easy way to break your resolution to not get Mono. 0
Joyful Noise
The real reason churches have choirs is because the Lord likes looking up the gowns of the female singers.
Whether or not that’s true, it’s not stopping the choristers in this musical from competing in this year’s choral competition.
When the director of the church choir (Kris Kristofferson) passes, his outspoken widow G. G. Sparrow (Dolly Parton) hopes to head up the group.
But her desires to lead the group to victory at the Joyful Noise contest are dissuaded by the hardnosed Vi (Queen Latifah), who adheres to a strict Gospel only code.
But Vi’s conventionality is threatened when G.G.’s grandson and Vi’s autistic son begin introducing modern arrangements, as well as dance moves, into the group’s routine.
Seething with syrupy songs about salvation, and contrived characters created to garner an emotional response, Joyful Noise is grating.
Besides, if God wanted chorale music modernized he would have remixed it himself. 0
Haywire
Being a female agent means you get paid less than your male counterparts, even though you always have to go undercover as prostitutes.
However, the femme fatale in this action movie isn’t feuding with her superiors over wages.
Hire out by her boss (Ewan McGregor) to retrieve a journalist imprisoned in Barcelona, Mallory (Gina Carano) executes her job with ease.
Later, however, she is famed for the journalist’s death. With no options, she goes after the men who hired her: a government official (Michael Douglas) and a Spanish emissary (Antonio Banderas).
Along the way, she also uncovers evidence alluding to her own agency’s involvement.
Despite its leads inability to act, she can certainly deliver brutal beatings. And supporting that break-neck action is a semi-decent tale of deceit.
However, the best way for an agency to prevent a patsy from retaliating is to revoke their covert-ops discount at the gun store. 0
***New Year’s Events***
200 Cigarettes
The best way to quit smoking is to replace cigarettes with food. Conversely, the best way to lose weight is to replace food with cigarettes.
Fortunately, the acquaintances in this ensemble comedy are more apt to resolve to have better relationships this year.
On the last day of 1981, Monica (Martha Plimpton) agonizes over the attendance record of her New Year’s Eve party.
Elsewhere, two teens from Long Island (Gaby Hoffmann, Christina Ricci) navigate the streets of New York, while two opposites (Kate Hudson, Jay Mohr) embark on an uncomfortable first date.
Across town, life-long friends (Courtney Love, Paul Rudd) confront their sexual tension. And chaperoning the couples around is a sage and sedate cabbie (Dave Chappelle).
An amorous anthology of quirky couples dealing with riotous relationship woes, 200 Cigarettes assembles a talented cast to supply the absurdity.
Besides, January 31 isn’t about unfulfilled expectations; it’s about dispelling end-of-world prophecies.
He's a Doomsday Profiteer. He's the...
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