Be Kind, Please Rewind

He's a Fast Foodie. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of April 27, 2012

I go against the whole grains. First up…

Contraband

Smuggling drugs to another country by ingesting them on one side, and expelling them on the other, would be an ideal job for a bulimic.

Unfortunately, for the smugglers in this thriller, no purger is immense enough to inhale $10 million.

With a wife (Kate Beckinsale) and kids, ex-trafficker Farraday (Mark Wahlberg) is now on the up and up.   

But when his brother-in-law is indebted to a dealer (Giovanni Ribisi) after dumping his drugs into the drink, Chris returns to bootlegging to pay off the debt.

But his plan to smuggle millions in counterfeit bills back from Panama aboard a cargo ship doesn’t go as expected, and he’s forced to partake in an armored carjacking.

Convoluted and confusing, Contraband’s constant conversion from gangland grit, to intense actioner, to screwball heist, is schizophrenic.

Besides, the best way to import fake bills into another country is in the G-strings of exotic strippers.  0

***Drug Deal-A-Meal***

Maria Full of Grace

Now that airlines charge you for additional luggage, learning how to ingest your suitcase would be a real cost-saver. 

Fortunately, the traveler in this drama only has to learn to swallow condoms filled with heroin.

Pregnant and unemployed, 17-year-old Maria (Catalina Sandino Moreno) is presented with an offer to mule drugs from Columbia to New York.

Needing the money to support her sister and niece, Maria agrees to consume over 60 bundles of the lethal narcotic.

When she lands in the States, Maria and the other female mules are rounded up and taken to a safe house where they are expected to expel their cargo.

Frightened, Maria and her friend flee from the traffickers with the heroin in hand. 

Poignant and edifying, Maria Full of Grace is a candid and disturbing depiction of life as a "drug mule".

However, since the contraband is consumed, wouldn’t "drug piñata" be more appropriate?

He was Kicked Out of the Contraband. He's the...

Vidiot