He Has Cruise Control Issues. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of June 3, 2011
Power to the windows. First up…
Drive Angry
The easiest way to tell if the person ahead of you is driving angry is to check their texts for all CAPS and exclamation points.
And while no emoticon can symbolize the ire inside the motorist in this action movie, he is not stupid enough to disseminate while driving.
Upon escaping the infernos of Hell, Milton (Nicolas Cage) returns to Earth to save his granddaughter from the sacrificial alter of a satanic cult leader (Billy Burke).
Riding shotgun on this selfless mission is a wayward waitress (Amber Heard) who is on the lam.
Meanwhile, Hades’ top accountant (William Fichtner) has been dispatched to retrieve the obstinate wheelman.
Filled with carnage, carnality and muscle cars, Drive Angry is a testosterone-fueled schlock-fest, wherein acting comes a distant fourth.
Besides, if anyone really wants to see hotrods and hot-babes enduring Hell on Earth, I could arrange for Robosaurus to rampage a car show. 0
Biutiful
The worst thing about people communicating via text messages is that they now spell words any way they see fit.
Oops! Apparently, the title of this drama is not the result of the e-transmogrification of the King’s English, but the Spanish tongue butchering the Western pronunciation of "beautiful".
Informed by his doctor that he only has 6 months left to live, Barcelonan criminal/single-father Uxbal (Javier Bardem) decides to keep his diagnosis a secret from his children.
Compounding his condition is his erratic ex-wife and the recent death of his estranged father.
Straddling the line between life and death, Uxbal struggles during his remaining days to make amends and keep hundreds of illegal immigrants from losing their jobs and being deported.
While Bardem embodies the emotional restraint required for the role, the film’s subject matter is dark and its pacing is too slow.
Which is surprising, since everyone is speaking Spanish. 0
***Getting Some Tailpipe***
License to Drive
Driver’s exams are the only assessment wherein, after you’ve passed, you can disregard everything you learned.
Unfortunately, the new driver in this comedy must retain proper road etiquette a while longer, because he failed.
Passing the road test, but not the written portion, Les (Corey Haim) is accidentally granted a license, which is later revoked.
Being unlicensed, however, doesn’t stop him from lying to his parents (Carol Kane, Richard Masur), so that he can take out the hottest girl in school, Mercedes (Heather Graham).
While his fib fails, Les is not impeded. After dark he absconds with his grandfather's Cadillac and goes on a disastrous joyride with his drunken date and loser buddies (Corey Feldman, Michael Manasseri).
Revving with riotous laughs, License to Drive is an ode to adolescent autoerotism and rebellion.
Besides, it doesn’t matter if a 16-year-old male doesn’t have a license; he’s paying triple for car insurance.
He’s the Hatchback of Notre Dame. He’s the…
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