Be Kind, Please Rewind

He Bakes his Own Destiny. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of June 24, 2011 

Kismet the Cook. First up…

The Adjustment Bureau

The best thing about a secret agency controlling the destiny of humans is that it allows us more time to focus on "planking".

However, to the political candidate in this sci-fi feature, freewill is paramount.

Practicing his speech in a washroom, congressman Norris (Matt Damon) is cornered by a strange woman, Elise (Emily Blunt), who insists he be more candid with the electorate.

On her recommendation, Norris finds himself propelled into the senate race.

But when he inadvertently encounters a cluster of suspicious looking characters readjusting his friend’s brain, he is made privy to a plan by a clandestine company to keep him and Elise from meeting.

Adapted from a Philip K. Dick story, The Adjustment Bureau offers interesting exposition on the origins of providence; however, its goofy acting and retro costuming are a misstep.

Besides, no one controls humanity's fate…except for those 3 crones with the spinning wheel.  0

Unknown

The best thing about suffering amnesia while visiting a European city is that you won’t remember the size of North American bathrooms.

Unfortunately, the diminutive dimensions of the loo are the last thing on the mind of the memory loss sufferer in this mystery.

Arriving at a hotel in Berlin, Dr. Harris (Liam Neeson) suddenly realizes that he forgot his briefcase at the airport.

Abandoning his wife Liz (January Jones) in the lobby, Harris hails a cab. En route, the taxi plunges into the river.

Revived in hospital with no memory, Harris retraces his steps beginning with the cab driver (Diane Kruger).

When he is finally reunited with his wife, Harris' stunned to find her with another man claiming to be Dr. Harris (Aidan Quinn).

With its scenic setting, intense acting and tolerable twists, Unknown is a capable whodunit.

As for travel related amnesia, I think baggage handlers have it.  0

The Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules  

First of all, no one calls them diaries – they’re blogs. Secondly, they’re only for moms who believe they know everything about child rearing.

And while the wimpy kid in this comedy still handwrites, he is getting acquainted with the Internet.

In search of attention, Greg (Zachary Gordon) and his friend Rowley (Robert Capron) release a viral video on the web.

Meanwhile, his older brother Rodrick (Devon Bostick) and his band prep for an upcoming school talent show.

One night, however, while their parents (Rachael Harris, Steve Zahn) are away, Rodrick throws a house party.

Originally against the gathering, Greg eventually embraces it.

Later, when their parents find photos of the party, a fissure in the brothers newly formed friendship begins to form.

Addressing brotherly issues this time around, Wimpy Kid 2 maintains equivalent levels of high jinks compared to its predecessor.

As for the school showcase, is bullying a talent?  0  

The Eagle

Roman centurions were notorious for their stabbing technique – which they not only showcased when they raped their enemies women, but sometimes on the battlefield.

Amazingly, the opinion that the Roman solider in this action movie has of his army is a high one.

After he's injured in battle, ex-centurion Marcus (Channing Tatum) heads into an uncharted area of Britain inhabited by the mysterious Picts to reclaim the eagle insignia his father lost.

Accompanying him is Esca (Jamie Bell), a British slave whom he freed from the gladiatorial games.

Burning with white-hot rage for Romans, Esca eventually learns to respect Marcus as a man. Meanwhile, Marcus sees the errors of his Empire.

An intriguing story about valor, honour and Rome’s colonization of the UK, this adaptation of the popular book is marred by Tatum’s cardboard performance.

Furthermore, if the emblem turns up in a Roman bathhouse, don’t bend over to pick it up. 0

***Oh My Demigod!***

Hercules

If you went solely on Greek statues, then you could assume that all Grecians have no arms.

Fortunately, the Greek demigod rendered in this animated-adventure has both limbs.

Orphaned from his parents, Zeus (Rip Torn) and Hera, thanks to Hades (James Woods), Hercules (Tate Donovan) is raised by humans, with no knowledge of his birthright.

It’s not until he visits the Temple of Zeus that he learns of his true bloodline. As well as his purpose: to reclaim his position on Mount Olympus through gallantry on Earth.

And to do that, he needs renowned hero-maker/satyr Phil (Danny DeVito) and his winged-mount Pegasus.

Elsewhere, Hades plans to usurp his brother by releasing the Titans.

One of the few Disney movies geared towards young males, Hercules is an action-packed party of mythological proportions.

Furthermore, it may inspire a few fatties out there to go kill themselves a lion with their bare hands.

He Myth Interprets. He's the...

Vidiot