Vidiot
Week of June 17, 2011
I come from an estrange world. First up...
Battle: Los Angeles
The only foreseeable reason as to why invading aliens would choose to occupy the City of Angels is that its rampant wildfires remind them of their scorched home world.
Unfortunately, this sci-fi movie doesn’t divulge where they originated from; however, we do know they didn’t come in peace.
Arriving in LA, in the form of a meteorite, the well-armed aliens emerge from their transports, and quickly set about destroying humanity.
Assigned to the West Coast war zone, a grizzled army sergeant, Nantz (Aaron Eckhart), ends up leading a rag-tag team of soldiers and civilians (Michelle Rodriguez, Ne-Yo, Bridget Moynahan) in an all-out resistance against their enemy.
With a motive so pedestrian, a look so overworked, and an origin so vague, the aliens of this insipid spectacle are as vapid as their California captives.
Furthermore, an easier way for an alien race to enslave Angelenos would be to release a sex-tape. 0
Red Riding Hood
For millions around the world, Red Riding Hood has always been…a super-sexy, slightly pedophiliac, Halloween costume.
And though the hem of the hooded ingénue in this fantasy is well below her knees, it does not impede her young lust.
In Daggerhorn, there is a long-standing truce between the villagers and the werewolf that lives in the woods.
But, when the older sister of Valerie (Amanda Seyfried) is found dead from a werewolf-attack, the armistice is absolved. And an authority on lycanthropy (Gary Oldman) is acquired.
Meanwhile, Valerie’s relationship with a woodcutter (Shiloh Fernandez) is threatened when her parents (Billy Burke, Virginia Madsen) insist she marry the blacksmith’s son (Max Irons).
A trite teenage re-interpretation of the fair tale, Red Riding Hood foregoes the fable’s morals, and, instead, focuses on a supernatural love triangle.
Besides, the only way to rid a village of a werewolf is to elect a vampire mayor. 0
Hall Pass
It’s common for married couples to introduce high school related objects into their sex life, i.e. Catholic schoolgirls outfit, the principal’s paddle or the nurse’s head lice comb.
Surprisingly, the sexual adults in this comedy decided to implement hall passes into their foreplay.
Fed up with their husbands wandering eyes, Maggie (Jenna Fischer) and Grace (Christina Applegate) decide to grant their spouses, Rick (Owen Wilson) and Fred (Jason Sudeikis) a week’s autonomy from marital obligations, specifically monogamy.
Initially thrilled with the prospect of being single again, both would-be bachelors find their fantasies aren’t as attainable as first hoped.
Meanwhile, their wives inadvertently find themselves pursued by a number of male suitors.
With a capable cast, and a few big laughs, this gross-out comedy sees the floundering Farrelly Brothers return to form.
Besides, the only real appeal to being a single guy again is the wide variety of Swanson Hungry-Man dinners. 0
Big Momma: Like Father, Like Son
The worst day for an African-American actor is the day that he or she must put on the first of what will be many fat suits.
Unfortunately for the teen actor in this comedy, his moment of humiliation has come at an early age.
When his partner hides a flash-drive on an all-girls arts college campus, Detective Turner (Martin Lawrence) must don his Big Momma persona to infiltrate the student body.
Aiding Turner on this undercover endeavor is his arrogant stepson Trent/Charmaine (Brandon T. Jackson), a hopeful rapper and an unintentional murder witness.
Now, Big Momma and Charmaine must locate the flash-drive before the bad guys catch on to their disguises.
The third installment of the Big Momma franchise, Like Father, Like Son is a failed attempt at resuscitating an unfunny and insulting series.
Besides, there are more comical issues to exploit in a skinny character who use to be fat. 0
***Intergalacticked Off***
Mars Attacks!
Out of all of the planets I’d never have guessed that the celestial body named after the God of War would ever attack.
Similarly flabbergasted by this Martian incursion is the ensemble cast of this sci-fi comedy.
Surrounding the Earth with a flotilla of UFOs, an envoy from the Martians addresses the populace with a message of peace. But the armistice is brief. And soon the Martians lay waste to Washington, New York and Las Vegas.
Meanwhile, politicians, military officials and civilians (Jack Nicholson, Annette Bening, Christina Applegate, Sarah Jessica Parker, Martin Short, Jack Black, Michael J. Fox, Natalie Portman, Danny DeVito, Pierce Brosnan, Glenn Close, Tom Jones) fight back.
Based on the Topps trading card series, this intentionally campy ode to 1950s sci-fi truly encapsulates director Tim Burton’s once sardonic and anarchic sensibilities.
Besides, the way things are going here, it’d be wiser to trade Earth for the UFOs.
He's a Civillian. He's the...
Vidiot
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