He's a Young Adulterous. He's the...
Vidiot
Week of May 27, 2011
In Teen World everything is fair. First up...
I Am Number Four
The best thing about being a teen from an extinct planet is you don’t have to worry about missing your curfew.
And while the orphaned alien in this sci-fi movie can stay out late, his time is spent fighting the creatures that obliterated his home world.
In search of surviving members of the Lorien race, the malevolent Mogadorians find what they seek on Earth.
After the brutal slaying of #3, John (Alex Pettyfer) is made aware by his protector Henri (Timothy Olyphant) that he is fourth in succession.
Determined to make a stand, John evokes his newly acquired powers, and enlists #6 (Teresa Palmer) to his ranks.
Based on the young adult book series, I Am #4, with its cardboard cast, flaccid script and ho-hum havoc, will appease its hyperactive, hypersensitive demographic.
However, for those with more refined adult tastes, you may want to check out I Am Number 69. 0
Gnomeo & Juliet
The hardest part of reinterpreting William Shakespeare’s tragic love story starring fabled forest creatures is finding two suicidal gnomes.
Fortunately, the makers of this animated adaptation were able to find melancholy munchkins.
Raised on opposite sides of Mr. Capulet and Mrs. Montague’s fence, a blue garden gnome, Gnomeo (James McAvoy), and a red garden gnome, Juliet (Emily Blunt), are sworn enemies, though they’ve never met.
It’s not until Gnomeo seeks revenge against Juliet’s cousin (Jason Statham), after an ill-fated lawnmower race, that the star-crossed lovers meet.
Though both families denounce the union, the two continue to meet in an overrun garden, where a lovesick flamingo fosters their relationship.
Adhering to the bard’s prose, while simultaneously lampooning it, this star-studded interpretation is amusing and inventive.
Luckily, this story doesn’t take place on a white trash lawn, because then Romeo would be a talking couch and Juliet, an abandoned car. 0
***Mapping The Gnome***
A Gnome Named Gnorm
Gnomes are mischievous folks that enjoy making humans look stupid when they pronounce ‘gnome’ with a hard G.
Fortunately, the dwarfish imp in this comedy enunciates his name with a confident consonant sound.
Headed towards the surface in hopes of recharging the magical stones that belong to his subterranean race, a gnome named Gnorm (Mike Avery) is instead embroiled in a murder case involving a dead police officer.
When his partner is killed in the line of duty and the blame falls on him, Det. Gallagher (Anthony Michael Hall) must team up with the only witness to the incident, which happens to be a gnome named Gnorm.
With a laughable plot that falls betwixt fantasy and buddy-comedy, as well as a pitiable attempt at puppetry, A Gnome Named Gnorm is strictly lowbrow entertainment.
Besides, the police dogs would eat the gnome cop before he could even solve his first case.
He’s a MisGnomer. He’s the…
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