He’s a Hardly-Worker. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of May 20, 2011
Without jobs we would have nothing to hate. First up…
The Mechanic
The reason why mechanics make such excellent assassins must be because they can take out targets by over-charging them to death.
Oops! Apparently, the designation of mechanic in this action movie is a sobriquet for contract killer, and not a comment on the exorbitant cost of parts and labour.
After assassin Bishop (Jason Statham) executes his mentor McKenna (Donald Sutherland) on the command of his clandestine employer, he takes McKenna’s willful son Steve (Ben Foster) under his wing and teaches him the skills to kill.
Under his mentorship, Steve tethers his recklessness as he finds a father figure in Bishop. Meanwhile, he draws ever closer to the man who killed his father.
A bombastic interpretation of the 1972 classic, this version updates the story, the pacing and the violence, but fails to obscure the obvious climax.
Besides, doesn’t an old assassins' proverb state: The student shall someday garrote their teacher? 0
The Roommate
The best thing about a roommate is that their sleeping body will keep the axe-murderer who just broke into your house busy, while you escape.
Unfortunately, that plan doesn’t apply to situations wherein your roommate is the axe-murderer.
Sara’s (Minka Kelly) dream of becoming a fashion designer turns into a nightmare when her new college roommate Rebecca (Leighton Meester) becomes infatuated with her.
From entrapping Sara’s professor (Billy Zane), to physically attacking anyone, including Sara’s new boyfriend, who threatens to tear the two apart, Rebecca’s disturbed mind knows no bounds.
But it is not until she takes on the identity of Sara’s deceased sister that the frightened freshman fights back.
With its scarcity of scares and obvious aping of superior interpretations, this twenty-something take on the obsessive thriller does the generally entertaining genre a disservice.
Besides, if you want the real psycho college roommate experience, go to community college. 0
The Rite
Typically, the job of a Catholic priest’s assistant is to keep an eye out while the Father showers with the alter boys.
Thankfully, the duty of the deputy in this horror movie is a lot less devilish.
After receiving a complimentary degree from a seminary, Michael (Colin O'Donoghue) foregoes entering the priesthood due to skepticism.
In lieu of reimbursement of the tuition, Father Matthew (Toby Jones) suggests he study exorcism abroad.
Fascinated by demonic possession, when in Rome, Michael aligns himself with renowned exorcist Father Luca (Anthony Hopkins), who edifies the Doubting Thomas in the ways of the wicked.
But when a malevolent spirit enters his teacher, Michael’s fluctuating faith must be steadfast.
By treading no new terrain in terms of storyline or gore, The Rite is an exercise in exorcism that plods along at a lackadaisical pace.
Besides, nothing is more ironic, or hilarious, than a demonically possessed priest. 0
***Bury the Hatchet Man***
The Hit
Assassins don’t have apprentices because they don’t want other people’s eye-goobies all over their riflescope.
And while the gunman in this drama is more a close-range type of guy, he must still contend with a hapless partner.
Ten years after he sent his crew to jail, following a botched robbery, Willie (Terence Stamp) is living the highlife in Spain.
However, everything changes when a well-worn hitman Braddock (John Hurt) and his green trainee Myron (Tim Roth) arrive to escort Willie to Paris, where he’ll reunite with those he ratted out.
While on the road, the aged assassin struggles to comprehend Willie’s Zen-like state and the bond he's forged with Myron.
One of the most violent, artistic, yet humorous attempts at exemplify the decline of a triggerman’s career, The Hit is on target.
Unfortunately, the only guests at an assassin's retirement party would be the vengeful offspring of their past kills.
He has excellent Death Perception. He's the...
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