Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s an Aftertaste Maker. He’s the…

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Week of January 11, 2019

Nothing solves a debt crisis better than an apocalypse. First up…

Bird Box

Although the athletes are heavily mutated, post-apocalyptic Olympic games are a sight to behold.

Regrettably, the blindfolded resistance in this horror movie will never be able to observe one.

When an unseen entity begins manipulating humans to kill themselves, expectant mother Malorie (Sandra Bullock) must cover her eyes to avoid the creature’s suicidal influence. Eventually, she finds shelter with other survivors (John Malkovich, Trevante Rhodes, BD Wong) and gives birth. With word of a superior sanctuary downstream, Malorie braves the torrents blindfolded in order to get her brood there.  

Although the dialogue is exceptionally corny, the accomplished cast works wonders with the material provided. And while the idea of a sightless struggle for survival is certainly nerve-racking and ingeniously depicted, this Netflix adaptation of the dystopian bestseller is too ambition for its 2-hour confines.

Moreover, everyone knows the only way to tackle rapids blind is inside of a wooden barrel.  Yellow Light

 

Mid90s

The biggest threat to nineties teenagers was having their baggy clothing sucked in to machinery.

However, this dramedy depicts a number of other dangerous situations that generation tackled.

Drawn to the rebellious fun of skateboarding, 13-year-old Stevie (Sunny Suljic) aligns himself with a rambunctious crew. Thanks to his daring nature, he quickly works his way up the ranks, drawing disdain from other skaters. Meanwhile, Stevie’s new friends have become a point of concern for his mother (Katherine Waterston) and older brother (Lucas Hedges).

Extremely similar to a number of coming-of-age dramas released in the 1990s themselves, first-time director Jonah Hill does a commendable job of bringing the era, its attitudes and its soundtrack to life. Meanwhile, the underage cast fit the slacker image to a tee and deliver the crude slang with legitimacy.

And while there was wireless back then you only had coverage to the end of your driveway.  Green Light

The Old Man & the Gun

It’s important to keep handguns away from the elderly as they may mistake then for blow dryers.

Surprisingly, the septuagenarian in this heist picture is more astute than most his age.

Career criminal Forrest Tucker (Robert Redford) finally escapes custody in the 1970s and goes on a successful crime spree while in his seventies. Thanks to his charisma and creativity, Tucker wins over bank patrons and his long-time love (Sissy Spacek). He also uses said attributes to evade the detective (Casey Affleck) sent to apprehend him for a number of years.

The incredible true story of one of history’s greatest prison escape artists as well as actor Robert Redford’s final film performance, this endearing cat-and-mouse caper is a superlative send-off for the latter and a heartfelt tribute to the deceased former.

However, it’s hard to believe that any senior citizen can be in-and-out of a bank in under an hour.  Green Light

***Blue-Hair Trigger***

Rififi

For career criminals prison is like a retirement home that family actually visits.

However, the felon in this heist picture has just been released from those safe confines.

Freed after a 5-year prison stint, ex-thief Tony (Jean Servais) is approached by his old pal Jo (Carl Möhner) about a repeat performance on a Parisian gem store. Hoping to remain a free man, Tony insists on doing the job like a professional. Hiring a safecracker to reach the real riches, Tony’s crew is eventually successful. However, everything unravels when a gangster comes after their loot.

Remembered for its white-knuckle – and completely soundless - burglary scene that has been mimicked by real-life bank robbers since the film’s 1955 release, this pioneer of French New Wave cinema remains one of the best examples of the genre’s criminal underbelly.

Incidentally, the best time for a smash-and-grab in Paris is during a Yellow Vest protest.

He’s a Gold Band of Thieves. He’s the…

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