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Vidiot

Week of January 4, 2019

January's mascot is the grim reaper. First up...

Night School

The reason there are no night school shootings is because most of the crazed gunmen are in class.

However, as this comedy contends, continuing education has an array of unbalanced personalities.

After losing his promotion, high school dropout Teddy (Kevin Hart) must attend night school to get his GED if he hopes on gaining employment and keeping his posh fiancé from leaving him. But in order to graduate, he must endure a coarse instructor (Tiffany Haddish), disturbed classmates (Rob Riggle, Fat Joe) and a principal with a history of dealing with Teddy’s lack of motivation.

Continuing his streak of playing to type, stand-up comedian turned leading man Kevin Hart is once again upstaged on multiple fronts by a talented supporting cast that is more capable of handing the hit-or-miss sitcomy bits of the formulaic script than he is.

Besides, who wants to graduate with a class filled predominantly with vampires?  Red Light

Bad Times at the El Royale

The best thing about living on the Nevada/California border is that after sinning you can go straight to rehab.

Mind you, the hotel guests in this thriller tend to favour the immoral side of the boundary marker.

A priest (Jeff Bridges), a singer (Cynthia Erivo) and a salesman (Jon Hamm) walk into the lobby of a hotel that rests on the border between the two states and check-in with their baggage. The trio is later joined by a kidnapper (Dakota Johnson) and a cult leader (Chris Hemsworth). Each visitor has a secret they’re running from or towards. And it comes to a head one-night at the El Royale.

While the multiple narratives are somewhat engaging, the assortment of oddball characters intriguing and the direction stylish, the overall production falls short thanks to its laborious pacing and less than snappy dialogue.

Moreover, the only conversation hotel guests ever have together concerns the location of the ice machine. Yellow Light

A.X.L

The worst thing about owning a robotic dog is paying for your veterinarian to attend mechanics’ school.

Smartly, the teenager in this sci-fi adventure is repairing any leaks his new cybernetic friend has himself.

While riding his motocross bike near the military base, Miles (Alex Neustaedter) discovers a discarded top-secret AI canine project called:  Attack, Exploration, Logistics - or A-X-L for short - and nurses the robo-mutt back to health. By doing so he is bonded with the beast who will now protect Miles, Miles’ girlfriend (Becky G) and his father (Thomas Jane) from the evil scientists that created him.

Although it may appeal to a younger demographic, this potential cult movie does not live up to low expectations. With its awful acting, banal script and clunky, made for TV SFX, A.X.L. is more forgettable than ironically funny.

Incidentally, military grade robot dogs tend to explode when you neuter them.  Red Light

***Dog Owner’s Manuel***

C.H.O.M.P.S.

If you expect a robotic dog to protect your home while you are away be sure to turn off its sleep mode.

Luckily, the computerized K-9 in this family movie has crime detection capabilities to alert him of intruders.

When a young genius, Brian (Wesley Eure), creates a mechanical mutt named C.H.O.M.P.S - Canine Home Protection System – to safeguard his home from thieves, it attracts the attention of Mr. Gibbs (Jim Backus), owner of unscrupulous home security company, who hires two bumbling crooks (Red Buttons, Chuck McCann) to kidnap C.H.O.M.P.S. Meanwhile, Brian begins bonding with his tyrannical boss’ (Conrad Bain) daughter (Valerie Bertinelli).

While it does feature some great character actors, a lovable pup and a few flashes of comedy brilliance, animation giant Hanna-Barbera failed to conceive of a feature-length script that surpassed their Saturday morning cartoon output.

Ironically, most robo-dogs are stolen when Amazon leaves them on your porch.

He’s a Robotic Dog Lover. He’s the...

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