He Makes a Good Fist Impression. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of June 2, 2017
Fight, Flight or Faint. First up…
Fist Fight
Nowadays when teenagers fist fight after
school they do so online using avatars.
The feuding educators in this comedy,
however, are settling their beef old school.
Amid the year-end pranks from the
graduating class and internal layoffs in their faculty (Tracy Morgan, Christina
Hendricks), milquetoast English instructor Andy (Charlie Day) sets off the
unstable history teacher, Ron (Ice Cube), who subsequently challenges the timid
family man to a fist fight after class.
Andy then spends the rest of the last day
of school trying to evade the beat down by getting Ron fired or imprisoned.
Wasting a talented comedic cast on a
humourless and distasteful script that brings nothing new to the high school
movie sub-genre, this needlessly vulgar endeavour into cutbacks and bullying is
best left back a year so it can mature into a functional comedy.
Incidentally, teachers only fight after
school because their wages are so low.
Red Light
The Shack
God lets children die because he needs
their souls to work the coalmines in Heaven.
However, this drama maintains that Paradise
adheres to all child labour laws.
Family man Mack (Sam Worthington) is
destroyed when a serial killer abducts and murders his daughter while she is on
a camping trip. In his grief Mack receives a mysterious letter telling him to
come to a shack in the woods.
Assuming he’s there to meet his daughter’s
kidnapper, Mack is shocked to discover three strangers (Octavia Spencer,
Sumire, Avraham Aviv Alush) inside, waiting to teach him all about forgiving
his enemies.
Well it no doubt has an interesting, albeit
unrealistic, take on absolution, this melodramatic adaptation of the
self-published Canadian best seller comes with some heavy proselytization and
hokey acting from both human and deity alike.
Moreover, if the Trinity only needs a
shack, why does the Pope need a whole city?
Red Light
***Student Body Slams***
Three O'Clock High
The only way to really deal with a bully is
to bully their younger sibling.
Unfortunately, the bully in this comedy is
an only child.
High school geek Jerry (Casey Siemaszko) is
tasked with writing a welcome article on his school’s newest transfer: bad-boy
Buddy (Richard Tyson). The assignment goes from bad to worse when Buddy
challenges Jerry to an after-school fight.
Terrified of fighting, Jerry employs every
trick in the textbook in order to avoid the pending violence. Stashing
contraband, getting detention, even trying to buy Buddy off doesn’t dissuade
the imminent beat down that has the student body placing bets.
An out-there dark comedy, this 1987 high
school sub-genre flop stands the test of time thanks to the enduring power of
bullying. Awkwardly funny and brutally honest, this neglected after-school
fistfight movie needs to be revisited.
Incidentally, there’d be no after-school
fights if child labour laws were abolished.
He’s a Chalkboard Member. He’s the…
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