He’s Happy Accident Prone. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of May 5, 2017
Luck comes to those who cheat. First up…
A Dog’s Purpose
The main purpose of any household canine is
to ingest all the crumbs off the floor.
But according to this drama dog’s have a
higher purpose beyond being fur vacuums.
1961: A Golden Retriever named Bailey (Josh
Gad) is adopted by a teenager, Ethan (KJ Apa), who is having trouble at home
with his abusive father. After saving the family from a fire Bailey passes on.
He is later reborn in the 1970s as a female
German Shepard working on the K-9 unit. After that life, he’s a spoiled Corgi
then a neglected Saint Bernard who sets out to find his original owner, Ethan
(Dennis Quad).
With each iteration of Bailey kicking the
bucket every 20-minutes, this manipulative drivel yanks at your heartstrings ad
nauseam with little worth to any of the vignette’s beyond introducing a new
breed.
Furthermore, everyone knows dogs have the
reincarnated souls of death row inmates.
Red Light
Rings
In the old days when someone gave you an
unlabelled VHS tape it was pornography.
The images on the cassette in this horror
movie, regrettably, are all cursed.
A college professor (Johnny Galecki)
acquires a hexed videocassette from a plane crash. After watching it, he
receives a message telling him he has seven days to live unless he gets someone
else to watch. He turns this into a class project.
Meanwhile, Julia (Matilda Lutz) comes to
campus looking for her boyfriend (Alex Roe) who’s being stalked by the creepy
girl (Bonnie Morgan) from the recording.
By rehashing plot points from the previous
films with little context in which to interpret them, this scare less
continuation of the Americanized version of the Japanese original is not only
confusing for new audiences but also redundant for fans.
Besides, any young girl that crawls out of
a TV nowadays will quickly be kidnapped.
Red Light
***Unsound Footage***
Man Bites Dog
The problem with video recording your
murders in the 1990s was no online ad revenue.
So it’s hard to understand why the serial
killer in this black comedy would do it.
With a film crew in tow, charismatic
sociopath Ben (Benoît Poelvoorde) goes about his day-to-day, detailing in-depth
for the cameras the finer points of slaying strangers. He demonstrates his
barbaric methods as well.
While they are passive observers at first,
the film crew soon help Ben restrain and dispose of his random victims. As such,
they become collateral damage when someone target’s Ben for revenge.
A pioneer of the found footage sub-genre,
this 1992 satire from Belgium takes the mockumentary style in a very dark
direction. By blending off-kilter comedy with sadistic cruelty, this NC-17
rated cult hit is jarring in ways few horror movies are.
Incidentally, taping your carnage will show
jurors just how hot you use to look.
He’s a Super Model Prisoner. He’s the…
Vidiot
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