He’s a Surefire Fighter. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of March 24, 2017
Hit men do not write hit songs. First up…
Assassin’s Creed
The upside to being an assassin is that
one-day you might actually get to kill your boss.
And who would know better than the inherent
assassin in this action movie?
Alan (Jeremy Irons) and his daughter
(Marion Cotillard) are scientists with a clandestine organization out to
prevent the modern-day Templar from enslaving the human race.
To help them locate an artifact that can
decode human free will, the pair abducts a death row inmate, Callum (Michael
Fassbender), with ties to an ancient assassins guild.
Thrust through time into his ancestor’s
tunic, Callum learns the article’s location as well as his captor’s true
intentions with it.
Although it is a higher caliber video game
movie than most, this live-action version of the Ubisoft franchise suffers the
same pitfalls as its gaming ilk, namely, bad acting and script.
Furthermore, sending convicts to the 1400s
is a smart way to ease prison overpopulation.
Yellow Light
Live By Night
The biggest difference between the Irish
mob and the Italian mob is their choice of starch.
Obviously, the Irish gangster in this drama
is partial to tubers.
Run out of Boston after he is caught
kissing on the Irish mob boss’ girl (Sienna Miller), ex-soldier Joe Coughlin
(Ben Affleck) ends up in Florida working enforcement for the Italian mafia’s
rum running business.
While he finds love with a local (Zoe
Saldana), Coughlin’s problems aren’t over yet as the local sheriff (Chris
Cooper), his aspiring actress daughter (Elle Fanning) and the local chapter of
the Ku Klux Klan make his transition in to the Tampa markets a bloody one.
Starring, directed and adapted from the
novel by Affleck, this epic length vanity project brings nothing new to the
gangster genre besides ludicrous dialogue, ill-fated white suits and marginal
directing.
Besides, bootlegging isn’t as secure a
career in Florida as say smuggling in Cubans is. Red Light
Miss Sloane
Instating background checks on gun owners
only drives up sales of replica battle-axes.
However, the lobbyist in this legal drama
would prefer modern-day barbarism.
Callous lobbyist Elizabeth Sloane (Jessica
Chastain) gets involved in the fight of her career when she refuses to work for
a gun lobby looking to boast sells amongst females.
In fact, this pang of consciousness causes
her to work for the opposition in support of a universal background check on
all gun owners. But her secret life of pills and paid escorts is dragged
through the bill proceedings.
With a powerful performance from Chastain
as the flawed heroin, Miss Sloane is an entertaining slice of US legislature
that tackles the touchy subject matter of gun control from a leftist viewpoint.
Moreover, the only way to sell guns to
women is tell them they’re only for men.
Yellow Light
***Miami Vice Grip***
Miami Connection
The best thing about being in a bar band is
that you know your groupies are of age.
Unfortunately, one of the boosters in this
martial arts film is in league with ninjas.
Five taekwondo trained club musicians
called Dragon Sound face off against a clan of motorcycle ninjas when the
band’s bassist (Vincent Hirsch) dates the wrong girl.
Under the guidance of their lead guitarist
Mark (Y.K. Kim), the lethal musicians set out to rescue their vocalist (Angelo
Janotti) who has been kidnapped by the cocaine infused assassins and the girl’s
brother (William Ergle).
Riding the crest of the mid-eighties ninja
wave, this low-budget entry features a lesser-known fighting style but has the
added bonus of bad musical numbers. Written, produced and directed by Kim, this
vanity project is a ridiculous romp that cannot be taken seriously.
Incidentally, the most popular drugs sold
in Florida are blood pressure related.
He's an Old Folk Hero. He's the...
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