He’s a Rock Bottom Feeder. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of March 10, 2017
Remember to drink 8 glasses of salt water a
day. First up…
Moana
The best thing about growing up on an
island is that it prepares you for if ever you get deserted on one.
However, the princess in this
animated-musical sees no benefit to island living.
The daughter of a domineering chieftain,
Moana (Auli'i Cravalho) yearns to stray beyond the coral borders of her
Polynesian community, but her father forbids voyages abroad for fear of
sea-monsters.
When she uncovers the real reason behind
the leviathans and of her tribe’s seafaring legacy, Moana and her pet rooster
set sail to capture a shapeshifting demigod (Dwayne Johnson) and liberate an
island deity from captivity.
Although it does not stray far from the
proven Disney princess story standards – an animal sidekick, an overprotective
father and a bevy of songs - it does however do a commendable job incorporating
those criteria in an amusing fashion.
Incidentally, shapeshifting is most useful
when you can’t find a washroom. Green
Light
Jackie
The first thing a First Lady should do
after her husband’s been assassinated is pack the White House silverware.
Mind you, the mourner in this drama has
ample time to steal before removal.
Shortly after his assassination, John F.
Kennedy’s revered wife Jacqueline (Natalie Portman) arranges an elaborate state
funeral for him that is construed as controversial by his brother Robert (Peter
Sarsgaard) and his voters.
She further confounds the public by
conducting a Life magazine interview where she explains to a reporter (Billy
Crudup) that her and husband’s legacy was akin to John’s favourite musical
Camelot.
An artistic take on Jackie’s mental decline
following the traumatic events in Dallas, this beautifully shot biography
offers up an unseen glimpse into the grieving process of the world’s most
beloved widow, masterfully performed by Portman.
And the Kennedys were just like Arthurian
legend if JFK was Guinevere and Marilyn Monroe was Lancelot. Green Light
***Bon Voyagers***
Atlantis: The Lost Empire
The hardest part of getting to Atlantis is
convincing your GPS that it is not Atlanta.
Fortunately, this animated-adventure is set
prior to voice-activate navigation.
Discredited cartography Milo (Michael J.
Fox) finds a willing investor (John Mahoney) for his expedition to the lost
city of Atlantis. Paired with a submarine captain (James Garner) and his motley
crew, Milo and his maps disembark.
They eventually encounter an Atlantean
princess (Cree Summer) who needs Milo’s help to free her mother from captivity
inside of a crystal that absorbed her and the island to protect them from
destruction. But Milo’s shipmates want the crystal for nefarious purposes.
The most underrated Disney movie, this song
free, box-office bomb from 2001 has gone on to become one of Disney’s few cult
hits thanks to its Jules Verne influence and character designs by Mike Mignola.
Incidentally, most expeditions to find
Atlantis ended in mutiny...then cannibalism.
He’s a Safe Sextant. He’s the…
Vidiot
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