Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s the Folk Art of War. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of May 23, 2014

Hitler was a better dictator than painter. First up…

 

The Monuments Men

The reason the Nazis stole art was so that the Führer could replace the artist’s name with his own.

Thankfully, the soldiers in this war movie are here to prevent Hitler’s Mona Lisa from happening.       

Near the end of the war, Frank Stokes (George Clooney) convinces the US President that Europe’s fine art needs to be reclaimed from the clutches of Nazis looters.

Compiling a team of museum curators and art historians (Matt Damon, Bill Murray, Bob Balaban, John Goodman, Jean Dujardin, Hugh Bonneville), he disperses teams in search of the relics.

But a Nazis colonel is ensuring that no one country can claim ownership.

Loosely based on real events, director George Clooney takes great liberties with the source material. Meanwhile the characters are drastically underdeveloped and the narrative is uneven.

Besides, if you want a war souvenir, do like the Americans and bring home the skulls of Japanese soldiers.  Yellow Light

 

3 Days to Kill

When you retire from the CIA the agency presents you with a commemorative plaque - outfitted with a tiny listening device.

However, the agency won’t need to keep tabs on the retiree in this action movie for long.

Diagnosed with cancer while on the trail of international arms dealer, the Wolf (Richard Sammel), Ethan Renner (Kevin Costner) reluctantly retires.

Intent on fixing his relationship with his daughter (Hailee Steinfeld), Ethan’s plans are once again sidetracked when an agent (Amber Heard) requests his services in exchange for a cure.

But balancing the antidote’s side effects, his teenager’s mood swings and preventing a bomb from being sold to terrorists, could expedite Frank’s demise.

While the cavalcade of fistfights and shootouts are certainly exhilarating and well executed, the acting is wooden and the father-daughter drama is disingenuous.

Incidentally, shouldn’t the daughter be planning some creepy mock wedding for her dying father to attend?  Yellow Light

***Suicide Mission Statement***

 

The Dirty Dozen

The hardest part about a suicide mission is getting depressed enough about your life to go on it.

Unfortunately, for the condemned men in this war movie, they don’t have a choice.

Recruited by Major Reisman (Lee Marvin) for a mission to France to infiltrate a chateau hosting high-ranking German officers, the death-row inmates (Charles Bronson, Donald Sutherland, John Cassavetes, Jim Brown, Telly Savalas, Trini Lopez) must first be trained before heading behind enemy lines.

If they make it back from France, their death sentences will be lifted.

But can this rag-tag team pull-off a close quarter confrontation with heavily armed Nazis?

The quintessential men-on-a-mission war movie, this caper comprises the grittiest actors of any era, and lets them run wild over histories vilest villains.

With oddly lovable characters and epic shoot-outs, The Dirty Dozen is mandatory.  

In fact, they should use felons for other dangerous jobs, like coal mining.  

He's a Suicide Missionary. He's the...

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