Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Wordsmith & Wesson He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of April 24, 2014

There’d be fewer deaths if guns were shot with your feet. First up…

Philomena

The upside to writing an article on a senior is that they could die and you could get an Obit too.

Sadly, a human-interest story is all that the scribe in this drama gets paid for.

After losing his job with the British Government, Martin Sixsmith (Steve Coogan) returns to journalism where he records Philomena’s (Judi Dench) search for her son.

Adopted out by the Irish convent where she secretly birthed him in 1951, Philomena has searched for him ever since.

Eventually, they trace him to America where he worked for President Reagan and Bush, while harbouring a shameful secret that subsequently cost him his life.

Based on the book by Martin Sixsmith, Philomena is a reluctant odd-couple road movie that finds humour in its tragic circumstances, and humanity in its leads contrasting religious views.  

What’s more, when you travel with a senior you get to board the plane first.  Green Light

Flowers in the Attic (2014) 

It is not recommended that today’s overweight youth spend time in the attic lest they fall through the ceiling.

Which is why this drama takes place back in the 20th Century.

Following the death of her husband/half-uncle, Corrine (Heather Graham) moves her children (Kiernan Shipka, Mason Dye, Ava Telek, Maxwell Kovach) into her parents’ mansion.

While she is welcomed back by her mother (Ellen Burstyn), her sinful offspring must be kept secret.

Confined to a remote bedroom, the siblings find solace in a cavernous loft. 

As weeks turn into years, and the children mature, the older relations connect in forbidden ways, while the younger succumb to strange ailments.

Lifetime’s adaptation of the V.C. Andrews novel, this made-for-TV-movie adheres more to the source material than the 1987 feature film - but it’s acting is not much better.

Incidentally, when you marry your sister she doesn’t have to change her last name. Yellow Light

***Family Treason***

Flowers in the Attic (1987)

One of the most off-putting experiences you could ever have is attending a V.C. Andrews Family Reunion.

And after watching this drama based on the author’s infamous bestseller, you’ll know why.

When their father dies, Cathy (Kristy Swanson), Chris (Jeb Stuart Adams), Cory (Ben Ryan Ganger) and Carrie (Lindsay Parker) are uprooted and moved to their mother’s (Victoria Tennant) childhood home.

While she smoothes things over with her parents for marrying her half-uncle, her incestuous offspring are locked away in an unoccupied bedroom.

As they mature, they follow their parents’ bad example.

Eventually, they learn of their mother’s engagement, and of the nefarious plans to rid the family tree of her sinful seeds. 

A poorly executed adaptation of the twisted teen lit classic, this version omits much of the story for the sake of sensationalism.

Besides, a secluded attic is the ideal place for two siblings to raise their mutant.

He’s a Twelve Step Brother. He’s the…

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