Vidiot
Week of April 18, 2014
Churches need to work the Zombie Jesus angle. First up…
Ride Along
The best part of going on a police ride along is that you get to break every law in the book with no consequences.
Surprisingly, the civilian riding shotgun in this comedy wants to do the complete opposite.
After he’s accepted into the police academy, high-strung security guard Ben (Kevin Hart) proposes to his longtime girlfriend (Tika Sumpter).
Before they can tie the knot, Ben must get her detective brother James’ (Ice Cube) blessing.
To prove his merit, he goes on patrol with James, who’s devised a number of fake crimes to scare Ben off the force.
The gag gets ugly when they accidentally undercover an affiliation between Atlanta officers and a notorious kingpin (Laurence Fishburne).
While Hart’s hyperactivity helps, Ride Along is essentially a toothless buddy-comedy combined with a one-dimensional cop thriller.
On the bright side, now that he’s a cop, former NWA member Ice Cube can brutalize himself. Red Light
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
The upside to online magazines is that there will be free tablets with old issues on them at the dentist’s office.
Alternatively, the downside to this digitization is explored in this comedy-fantasy.
With the final issue of LIFE magazine ready to publish, it’s up to negative handler Walter Mitty (Ben Stiller) to present the last cover photo shot by famed photojournalist Sean O'Connell (Sean Penn).
The only problem is the negative has disappeared.
Now it’s up to the daydreaming office drone to place the misplaced image before the issue goes to print.
To do this, he must travel to Iceland to find O’Connell.
While Walter’s trajectory from skateboarding punk to milquetoast adult is incongruent, it is this film’s sappy ending that gives the James Thurber’s short story a bad name.
Furthermore, with Life magazine now out of the way, there’s less confusion between Life cereal and Life the board game. Yellow Light
Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones
With all of today’s digital distractions, it’s impossible for ghosts to get peoples attention long enough to scare them.
Which is why the spirit in this horror movie communicates through Milton Bradley’s Simon.
Using his graduation money to buy a digital-camera, Jesse (Andrew Jacobs) and his friend Hector (Jorge Diaz) document their eerie encounters with Jesse’s neighbour Anna, a rumoured witch.
After she is mysteriously murdered, Jesse and Hector break into her apartment and steal a book of incantations that later unleashes a demonic presence that protects Jesse.
Upon subsequent revisits to Anna’s, they uncover evidence that links her to Jesse’s pregnant mother and to the missing mother Katie (Katie Featherston) from the first Paranormal Activity.
The fifth installment in the series, this Latino companion piece connects back to the first movie in many frightening, ingenious and humorous ways.
Incidentally, any ghost that haunts a Latino household is automatically assumed to be the Virgin Mary. Green Light
***Pot of Gold Chain***
Leprechaun in the Hood
The good thing about being a little person in the ghetto is that the bullets from the drive-bys go right over your head.
Mind you, the small person in this horror-comedy also has magic to protect him.
Imprisoned by a record producer (Ice-T), a malevolent leprechaun (Warwick Davis) is released by unsuspecting rap-artists: Postmaster P. (Anthony Montgomery), Stray Bullet (Rashaan Nall), and Butch (Red Grant).
Determined to take back his enchanted flute that emits hypnotic notes, the Leprechaun takes South Central by storm.
Now it’s up to the wannabe MCs to trick the trickster into smoking a clover-laced joint so they can steal the flute back again.
This fifth installment in the b-horror franchise is a cheesy send-up of the gangster genre. Its only redeeming value can be found in its gory camp and Leprechaun rap.
And, who knows, maybe now all the O.G.’s will start wearing buckled high tops.
He’s a Gangbanger and Mash. He’s the…
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