Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s Halloweaning. He’s the…

Vidiot 

Week of October 25, 2013

Infant formula is recommended for zombie babies. First up…

The Conjuring

The worst part of living with a male ghost is he leaves his ectoplasm all over the toilet seat.

Fortunately, a feminine phantom haunts the family in this horror film.

Carolyn (Lili Taylor), Roger (Ron Livingston) and their children (Joey King, Shanley Caswell, Mackenzie Foy, Kyla Deaver, Hayley McFarland) move to a new home in Rhode Island.

After a number of attacks from unseen attackers, the homeowners invite paranormal investigators Lorraine and Ed Warren (Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson) to visit and assess.

Lorraine instantly gains a psychic impress of the original owner - a supposed witch who tried to sacrifice her child - and recommends an exorcism.

With credible portrayals of both the clairvoyant couple that probed the Amityville house and the pair who owned it, The Conjuring keeps its scares simple but highly effective.

Incidentally, no matter how much you clean your house beforehand, clairvoyant guests can always see the mess.  Green Light

The Internship

Interning for adults isn’t plausible since only young people are dumb enough to work for free.

Nevertheless, the over-the-hill volunteers in this comedy are willing to give it a go.

After losing their salesmen jobs, two computer illiterates, Billy (Vince Vaughn) and Nick (Owen Wilson), apply for internships at Google.

Falsifying their way through the interview, the pair soon finds themselves competing against computer whizzes half their age.

But for the goof-offs to garner the coveted positions they must apply themselves, something Billy has a tough time doing.

However, Nick’s studious disposition is solely a result of his interest in a Google higher-up (Rose Byrne), who believes him to be just another lothario.

While the leads provide their amusing trademark banter, it’s not enough to help this predictable puff-piece transcend its clear corporate leanings.

What’s more, if these two are so out-of-touch, why didn’t they apply for internships at AltaVista?  Red Light

Only God Forgives 

If god were a woman, she would forgive you. But months later she would throw it back in your face during an argument.

However, arguing, let alone talking, isn’t an issue for the characters in this taciturn thriller.

Club owner/drug dealer, Julian (Ryan Gosling) has his past dredged up when his older brother rapes and kills a young prostitute, and is subsequently murdered by her father.

Flying to Bangkok to identify her son’s body is Julian’s estranged mother Crystal (Kristin Scott Thomas), who berates him into tracking down his brother’s killer and killing them.

Unfortunately, the target turns out to be a police lieutenant (Vithaya Pansringarm) with a penchant for hacking off limbs.

Even with Kristin Scott Thomas’ volatile performance, this art house piece has a gravitating effect that will either attract or repel viewers.

Nevertheless, it’s still sad to see helicopter parenting so prevalent in the criminal underworld.  Yellow Light

***Witchcraft Services***

The Crucible

Without the witch trials, Salem wouldn’t be able to exploit the hanging of innocent citizens for profit.

But as this drama depicts, they happened, so fridge magnets are perfectly respectful.

In 1692, the single women of Salem assemble in the forest and cast love spells on their crushes.

One such witch is Abigail (Winona Ryder), a former nanny to Elizabeth Proctor (Joan Allen), whose unfaithful husband John (Daniel Day-Lewis) now bares the brand of her blood-bound enchantment.

Later, the girls are accused of witchery. But Abigail convinces them to feign possession, brought upon them by townsfolk who practice the dark arts.

The accused, including Goody Proctor, are then tried for sorcery.

Based on Arthur Miller’s prominent play, this well-acted, all-star adaptation adheres to historical accuracy amid an adulterous love triangle that tests one man’s newfound fidelity. 

As for avoiding the gallows, just get a witch doctor to declare you insane.

He’ll Stab You in the Hunchback. He’s the…

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