Friday, October 18, 2013

Be Kind, Please Rewind



He’s a Second Banana Split. He’s the…

 Vidiot

Week of October 18, 2013

Partners are only good for backup. First up…

The Heat

If you’re a female who can endure catcalls, physical intimidation, and sexual harassment on a daily basis, you’re ready to work with male police officers.

Fortunately, the lady law officers in this comedy can handle their co-workers.

Straight-laced FBI Agent Ashburn (Sandra Bullock) is gunning for a promotion, so she takes an assignment to bring down a Bostonian drug lord, Larkin (Taran Killam).

On the case she meets an abrasive but street-smart cop, Det. Mullins (Melissa McCarthy), who insists on helping.

Constantly clashing, their investigation struggles until they learn Mullins’ ex-con brother (Michael Rapaport) is involved with Larkin, and can get information for them.

While this foul-mouthed buddy picture does have comedic chemistry between the two leads, it’s clichéd cop-comedy script and run-on gags make it simply mediocre. 

Furthermore, having female partners isn’t logistical - if one gets her period than the other one will catch it from close proximity.   

Pacific Rim

Ouch! I once had a fissure on my Pacific Rim.

Oops, my mistake. This sci-fi movie is about a fissure in the ocean floor, not one’s anus.

Under attack from colossal sea-creatures, the military constructs Jaegars, large-scale automatons controlled by pilots, Raleigh (Charlie Hunnam) and Yancy (Diego Klattenhoff), to fight back.

But overtime their armour becomes obsolete and other avenues are pursued.

With months left in operation, Commander Stacker (Idris Elba) initiates a final mission to detonate a warhead in the monster’s portico.

Recruiting Raleigh and pairing him with an orphan (Rinko Kikuchi), Stacker has one last chance to destroy the ever-adapting enemy.

Guillermo del Toro’s ode to Godzilla and Gundam, Pacific Rim’s best moments are its bombastic battles, while its worst are when the leads are outside their suits.

Furthermore, if giant monsters are anything like us, can you imagine the kinky things they’d do with a life-sized robot?  0

The Way Way Back

The best thing about summer with your mom’s new boyfriend’s family is that you don’t have to remember anyone’s name.

And while this dramedy isn’t about the ephemeral nature of post-divorce relationships, it is about their complications.

Forced to accompany his mother (Toni Collette) to her boyfriend Trent’s (Steve Carell) cabin for the summer, Duncan (Liam James) has a hard time fitting in with Trent’s daughter and their neighbour (AnnaSophia Robb).

Finding solace in a water-park run-by a middle-age burnout (Sam Rockwell), the introspective Duncan breaks from his shell and starts dating the neighbour.

As summer continues, so does the berating from Trent, who isn’t as pious as he portrays.

While the sulky lead can be annoying and the water-park crew creepy, this coming-of-age teen-romance has more strengths than weaknesses.

Incidentally, the experiences you gain from watching people slide down a tube will benefit you the rest of your life.  0

***OMG! (Oh My Giants)***

Village of the Giants

The important thing about living with gigantic teenagers is not being buried under falling puss from their popped pimples.

Fortunately, the overgrown adolescents in this sci-fi comedy are clear-skinned.

When a car of rowdy teens lead by Fred (Beau Bridges) breaks down in a small town, they come across a local youngster, Genius (Ron Howard), who has a substance that causes gigantism in its consumers.

Stealing a batch, the gang gobbles it down and grows 30-feet tall.

The towering teens then take-over the town and terrorize its citizens.

Now, it’s up to Genius’ sister Nancy (Charla Doherty) and her boyfriend (Tommy Kirk) to administer the antidote before it’s too late.

With a swinging soundtrack from The Beau Brummels, this low-budget adaptation of an H.G. Wells tale is made marvelous by its over-sized mechanical props.

However, one sock hop from these kids and the West Cost crumbles into the Pacific Ocean.

He has a God(zilla) Complex. He's the...

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