Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s the Anti-Chrysler. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of October 7, 2011

Buddy can you spare a tire? First up…

Fast Five

When street racing in Rio it’s important to obey the custom of pimping your car out in a thong.

But since the street racers in this action movie are criminals, it’s not surprising that they don't follow the rules.

After they free Dom (Vin Diesel) from custody, Mia (Jordana Brewster) and Brian (Paul Walker) flee to Rio, where they get involved in a car heist that finds a dead cop on their hands and a drug czars’ data in their possession.

Privy to the location of the kingpin’s cache, Dom and some acquaintances (Tyrese Gibson, Ludacris) decide to appropriate it.

Meanwhile, US agent Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) is hot on their trail.

The fifth installment in the franchise, Fast Five is a refreshing departure, where street racing takes a backseat to crazy chases and a memorable performance from The Rock.

Incidentally, Rio’s Christ the Redeemer statue makes an excellent flag girl.  0

Scre4m

Nowadays, killing a teenager is as easy as making them go to bed without their cell phone.

However, the murderer in this horror movie prefers old school stabbing techniques.

Fifteen years after the Woodsboro murders occurred, its perpetrator, Ghostface, returns and claims two new victims (Aimee Teegarden, Brittany Robertson).

At the same time, a survivor of the original slayings, Sidney (Neve Campbell), revisits Woodsboro to promote her new book.

Considered a suspect in the murders by the sheriff (David Arquette), Sidney must remain in town. Fortunately, her aunt (Mary McDonnell) and cousin (Emma Roberts) can put her up.

Meanwhile, the sheriff’s wife and former journalist (Courteney Cox) uses the murders to reenergize her writing career.

Slamming modern horror re-makes in order to gain relevance, this desperate third Scream sequel is also destabilized by its pedestrian homicides.

I mean, come on, how scary is a knife-welding maniac to today’s self-mutilating teenagers?  0   

***Demonlition Derby***

Christine

From smashing into other vehicles, to hitting pedestrians, to idling in closed garages, automobiles have always been associated with death.

However, the car in this horror movie has taken that morbid correlation to the extreme.

While he is restoring a used Plymouth Fury, nicknamed Christine, a high school loser, Arnie (Keith Gordon), begins to transform himself from an introverted geek into a self-assured hotshot.

But when his new girlfriend Leigh (Alexandra Paul) and his best friend Dennis (John Stockwell) begin digging up dirt on Christine's previous owner, they learn of her homicidal history.

Scared for their brainwashed buddy’s life, Leigh and Dennis plot to destroy the car.

Unfortunately for them, this self-regenerating, boy-crazed coupé isn’t so easily written off.

While the acting verges on tacky, overall, this Stephen King adaptation is a supercharged scream-fest.

And while I have never owned a possessed car before, I have owned a car repossessed.

He's a Racy Car Driver. He’s the…

Vidiot