Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s got Fake Bloodlust. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of October 28, 2011

Vampires are soooo vein. First up…

Captain America: The First Avenger

No matter how well the US army constructs its super-soldiers, all of them will inevitably be killed by friendly fire.

Thankfully, the genetically enhanced GI in this action movie has a shield to protect him from any incompetence.

Recruited by a military doctor (Stanley Tucci) to participant in a body augmenting experiment, Steve (Chris Evans), a pipsqueak desperate to serve, jumps at the chance.

Though successful at heightening his physical prowess, the formula is ultimately lost to the Nazi affiliated HYDRA organization.

Now, Steve must don his country’s colours and wage war against HYDRA’s head, the Red Skull (Hugo Weaving), whose cosmic cube threatens the Allies.

A rip-roaring adventure with exceptional performances and a less-campy costume than its Marvel Comics template, Captain America is an exemplary adaptation of an unadaptable super-hero.

And while it is patriotic to wear your country’s colours into war, unless your flag is camouflaged, you’re dead.  0

Attack the Block

Honestly, most mayors wouldn’t have an issue with bloodthirsty aliens invading their ghettos and dining on their denizens.

However, the less fortunate lunch menu items in this sci-fi movie would have a serious issue with it.

Amid robbing a nurse (Jodie Whittaker) at knife-point, a gang of teenagers is sidetracked when an object from space crash-lands nearby.

To prove his pluck, the gang-leader, Moses (John Boyega), confronts and kills the creature, claiming it for fame and fortune.

But when a furrier, more ferocious form of the alien comes looking for retribution, the posse must partner with the nurse to defeat the fluorescent fanged fiends.   

Featuring one of the best creature designs ever, a brilliant young cast, a tight script and a soundtrack by Basement Jaxx, Attack the Block is a complete blast.

Furthermore, if the aliens really didn’t want any opposition to their occupation, then they should’ve invaded the suburbs.  0

***Bobbing for Adam’s Apples***

Creature from the Black Lagoon

If humans did evolve from fish, why don’t our fingers taste that good deep-fried and smothered in tartar sauce?

And while the missing-aquatic-link in this horror movie would make a nice fillet, he’s thinking the same thing about us.

While on expedition to recover the remains of a humanoid-type creature with webbed hands, Dr. Reed (Richard Carlson), his girlfriend (Julia Adams) and other scientists begin to feel like they are being watched.

Believing that the fossilized skeleton is resting at the bottom of the lagoon, Reed’s crew dives below its surface. Meanwhile, on top, his lady attracts the fish-eye of Gill-man, a living ancestor of the enigmatic amphibian.

Though it lacks a shadowy setting, this classic Universal Monster movie does feature one of the all-time great creature designs.

However, instead of lynching Gill-man, the scientists should employ him to salvage submerged lumber for a chain of high-end reclaimed furniture stores.

He wears a Silver Bullet-Proof Vest. He’s the…

Vidiot