Be Kind, Please Rewind

He wears High/Wasted Pants. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of July 8, 2011

Man, I love sleeping in…doors. First up…

Hobo with a Shotgun

Finally, homeless people have realized that they can get more spare change with a shotgun, than they ever could with a cardboard sign.

Oops! Apparently the motive of the migrant in this action movie isn’t armed panhandling, but administering street justice.

Arriving in Scum Town aboard a boxcar, a grizzled hobo (Rutger Hauer) enters a totalitarian township controlled by the sadistic The Drake (Brian Downey) and his two sons, Slick and Ivan (Gregory Smith, Nick Bateman).     

Successful with keeping a low profile at first, after witnessing too many atrocities at the hand of The Drake, the hobo cock’s a shotgun in revolt.

Based on the fictional trailer that appeared in the 2007 movie Grindhouse, this all-Canadian homage to the exploitative genre is a shopping cart brimming with optimal one-liners, over-the-top acting and buckets of bad taste.  

Nevertheless, the most beneficial accoutrement for any homeless person remains: a mobile debit machine.  0

The Warrior’s Way

Today, everything in America is made in China. But back in the 1800s, everything was made in America…by the Chinese. 

And while the Asian drifter in this action movie didn’t come to America to build the Central Pacific Railroad, he is looking for a new life.

Disobeying an order to annihilate his enemy clan, assassin Yang (Jang Dong-gun) takes the last surviving member–a newborn–with him across the ocean to America.

Putting down roots in a ramshackle burg ruled by ruffians, Yang makes short work of the wild Westerners, which wins over the locals (Geoffrey Rush, Kate Bosworth, Tony Cox).

Later, they help him protect the child from his former clan who have come to kill him.

Though an Eastern swordsmen interacting with Western gunslingers sounds intriguing, the borrowed narrative, bungling actors and computer-generated action makes this regrettable.

Instead, the sword-bearer should’ve established the first-ever saddle sore lancing company.  0

***West Korea***

The Good, The Bad, The Weird

The best thing about being a Korean criminal is that after police get a description, they’ll put out an APB for a Japanese guy.

And while the outlaw in this action movie isn’t Japanese, he does steal a map from someone who is.

Manchuria, 1930 – an assassin aboard a train, The Bad (Lee Byung-hun), attempts to pinch a priceless map from a passenger.

However, a thief, The Weird (Song Kang-ho), procures the parchment before he can.

What follows is a chase through the desert with: The Weird being pursued by The Bad; The Bad being stalked by a bounty hunter, The Good (Jung Woo-sung); and the Japanese army hot on their tails.

With the grit of an Italian western and the kinetic shootouts of Korean action cinema, The Good, The Bad, The Weird is a scrumptious fusion of the two genres.

Much like their food equivalent: Spaghetti and Dog Meatballs.

He's an Epicurator. He's the...

Vidiot