Friday, November 21, 2014

Be Kind, Please Rewind


He’s a Half-Empty Cause. He’s the…

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Week of November 21, 2014

Police states have too many donut shops. First up…


22 Jump Street

When assigning an undercover NARC to go to college, it’s best if it’s not a dog from the K-9 unit.

Fortunately, the agents allocated in this comedy are bipedal.

After failing to takedown drug czar The Ghost (Peter Stormare), Officers Jenko (Channing Tatum) and Schmidt (Jonah Hill) are busted back down to the Jump Street.

There, their Captain (Ice Cube) tasks them with taking down the supplier of a new drug killing college students.

While Jenko feels at home investigating the quarterback, an ostracized Schmidt finds solace in an art student (Amber Stevens).

With a low laugh point average, this obligatory follow-up to 21 Jump Street revels in its self-awareness to the point of annoyance.

Not nearly as clever or comedic as the original, 22 Jump Street becomes the asinine sequel it was trying to send-up.

Incidentally, undercover cops are usually the student’s bad mouthing campus security all the time. Yellow Light


Let’s Be Cops 

The key to impersonating a cop is timing your car siren to every red light.
  
Good thing the imposters in this comedy know the tricks of the trade.

When a video game designer, Justin (Damon Wayans, Jr.), and his unemployed roommate, Ryan (Jake Johnson), attend an event dressed as cops they immediately notice a difference in how they’re treated.

Adorn by women, respected by the elderly and fear by criminals, Justin and Ryan fall under the sway of the uniform’s power.

But when an overzealous Ryan uses his bogus authority to bust-up a drug czar’s (James D'Arcy) operation, his actions land him and Justin in hot water with the kingpin - and his partner (Andy García).

Despite its implausible plot, Let’s Be Cops is a surprisingly uproarious comedy, with great lead chemistry, endearing side characters and an oddly inspiring script.

As for tells: real cops don’t hold their guns sideways. Green Light            

If I Stay 

The worst thing about having to die young is living an eternity wearing nothing but oshkosh b'gosh clothing.

Luckily, the half-dead girl in this drama doesn’t shop in the kids’ section.

An aspiring cellist, Mia (Chloë Grace Moretz), is left in limbo after a car accident kills both her parents (Mireille Enos, Jamie Blackley).

Near death, Mia oversees her comatose body, as her grandfather (Stacy Keach), best friend (Liana Liberato) and on-again/off-again rock-star boyfriend Adam (Jamie Blackley) wait by her hospital bedside.

Reliving the events leading up to the collision, Mia’s post-punk parents, her dream of Julliard, and her troubled romance with the touring Adam are explored in-depth.

With its facile music factoids and obvious artistic love interest, this adaptation of the YA novel caters to weepy teen girls.

However, more discerning minds will find it a trivial idealization of death. 

Besides, a real teen’s life flashing before their eyes mostly consists of them texting.  Yellow Light

***Freeze or Whatever***


The Mod Squad

The worst part about employing young undercover cops is they binge drink at house parties and break cover.

Thankfully, the covert trio in this action movie are too busy tracking a killer to attend ragers.

Opting to work for the police in a new department instead of serving time, Julie (Claire Danes), Pete (Giovanni Ribisi) and Linc (Omar Epps) are trained in the art of infiltration by their mentor Capt. Greer (Dennis Farina).

But when Greer ends up on the wrong side of a drug lord’s gun, the motley crew must bring his killer to justice.

A slapdash adaptation of the groundbreaking counterculture cop drama from the ‘60s, this 1999 version lacks the social and political undercurrent of its source material. 

Instead, it’s a lifeless and shoddily acted knock-off - similar to the original in name only.

Besides, immature undercover officers today can’t stop posting on Twitter about being undercover. 

He’s a Down Undercover Cop. He’s the…

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Thursday, November 13, 2014

Be Kind, Please Rewind


He was Born Almost Ready. He’s the…

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Week of November 14, 2014

Pessimists always plan ahead. First up…


Jersey Boys

The best part of a Doo-Wop group is there are no instruments to lug around.

However, the voices in this musical-drama do have baggage.

Frankie Valli (John Lloyd Young), a gifted vocalist from New Jersey, teams with Tommy (Vincent Piazza), Bob (Erich Bergen) and Nick (Michael Lomenda) to start a singing group.

Relegated to back-up singing, the boys struggle to get their single Sherry heard. When the song is heard, it sets off a chain-reaction of number one hits.

Regrettably, when Tommy’s debt to a Jersey gangster (Christopher Walken) is called in, Frankie must make a tough choice.

While the hits are here, the versions in Clint Eastwood’s adaptation of the Broadway Musical about The Four Seasons are as lifeless and boring as the script.

Besides, why pay $20 to see actors imitating an old Doo-Wop group, when you can see the actual Doo-Wop group at the casino for $15? Red Light


Tammy

The problem with quirky girl names is they make for lousy song titles.

Fortunately, musicians’ can work wonders with the normal named nuisance in this comedy. 

Fired from her low-income job, terminal troublemaker Tammy (Melissa McCarthy) decides to abscond from her mother and her Illinois home in her grandmother’s car.

However, Tammy’s alcoholic grandma Pearl (Susan Sarandon) wants to come along with her so she can see Niagara Falls. 

On the road the pair land themselves in some hot water with the police and must seek refugee with Pearl’s unorthodox lesbian cousin (Kathy Bates). 

On the lamb, both become smitten with a father and son duo (Gary Cole, Mark Duplass).

Devoid of anything resembling a joke or a plot, Tammy is a failed attempt at cramming an offensive female character into a poorly formed and highly improbable romantic comedy.

Besides, the US side of Niagara Falls is predominantly Canadian sewage.  Red Light


How To Train Your Dragon 2

It’s highly unlikely that new dragon owners would live long enough to read a How-To manual sequel.

My mistake, the numerical reference in the title refers to an animated movie, not a book for scorched dummies.

Expected to succeed his father Stoick (Gerard Butler) on the Viking throne, Hiccup (Jay Baruchel) holds off on ascending in order to discover new lands on his well-trained dragon, Toothless.

When Hiccup and his girlfriend (America Ferrera) uncover a plot by a dragon hunter (Djimon Hounsou) to overthrow Hiccup’s father, the pair must prevent the attack with help from Hiccup’s long-lost mother (Cate Blanchett).  

Expanding the mythology of the fictional Scandinavia landscape to include an eclectic enemy and larger dragons, this sequel is infinitely superior to its predecessor.

Darker and more daring than the first, the series has matured along with its fan base.

Incidentally, most dragons take up smoking in their teen years.  Green Light

***Lifestyles of the Formerly Rich & Famous***


Too Legit: The MC Hammer Story
  
The hardest part of being successful is remembering to pay your taxes.

A lesson learned by the young MC in this biography.

From an early age Stanley Burrell (Robert Bailey Jr.) would dance outside of Oakland A’s games for money.

Eventually his moves landed him a job as the team’s batboy and a nickname that would propel him into stardom.

Spreading his gospel on Sunday years later and selling his rap singles on the street, Stanley’s new pseudonym: MC Hammer (Romany Malco) starts spreading as well.

It’s not until he releases Can’t Touch This, however, that Hammer hits hard.  

But his expansive tastes and unending generosity towards his posse soon lands him in hot water with the IRS.

An exemplary VH1 bio-picture, Too Legit not only has the highs and the lows but also top-notch dancing and unexpected cameos.

In hindsight, however, Hammer should’ve named his hit-song Can’t Tax This.

He’s a Soar Back-Up Singer. He’s the…

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Thursday, November 6, 2014

Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Beauty Sleepwalker. He’s the…

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Week of November 7, 2014

Sleep apnea masks scare off home invaders. First up…



Maleficent

The only way to wake a sleeping princess is to tell her that her trust fund has kicked in.

Waking the heiress in this fantasy, however, won’t be as easy.

When winged-fairy Maleficent (Angelina Jolie) has her feathers stripped by her boyfriend - the would-be king (Sharlto Copley) - the loss twists the good-natured nymph into a bitter sorceress.

Thus, on the birth of the King’s daughter (Elle Fanning), Maleficent curses the newborn to enter an eternal slumber on her 16th birthday - only to be awoken by true love’s kiss.

A visually stunning variant on Disney’s Sleeping Beauty adaptation, this reworking of the fable features a flawless performance from Jolie, and endless nods to its animated inspiration.

Unfortunately, the exoneration of Maleficent and the endless liberties taken with the kiss are incongruent and unwelcome.

Besides, all teenagers fall into deep sleeps when they turn 16. It’s called Mono.  Yellow Light

 

Hercules

The worst part about being a Grecian demigod is everyone automatically assuming you’re going to eat your offspring.

Fortunately, someone else murdered the half-breed’s family in this action/adventure.

Hercules (Dwayne Johnson), the legendary son of Zeus and a human woman, leads a band of mercenaries (Ian McShane, Rufus Sewell, Reece Ritchie) around Greece selling their services.

When the King of Thrace (John Hurt) requests their assistances in training his soldiers for warfare, in exchange for gold, Hercules agrees.

But the King is not as benevolent as he appears. In fact, he is in league with King Eurystheus (Joseph Fiennes), the man who killed Hercules’ children.

With kinetic action and cornball dialogue, this adaptation of the graphic novel casts aspersions on Hercules’ lineage but in doing so adds a human element to the standard strongman story.

Furthermore, the only way to prove Zeus is Hercules’ father is by going on Maury.  Yellow Light

***Twelve Labour Days***


Disney’s Hercules

If the cruel Gods of ancient Greece existed today, church attendance would be through the roof.

Thankfully rancorous deities only exist in animated movies like in this one.

Hell-bent on overthrowing his brother Zeus (Rip Torn), Hades (James Woods) plots to release the colossal Titans from their imprisonment, and storm the halls of Mount Olympus.

The only thing standing in Hades way, however, is the half-son of his adversary, Hercules (Tate Donovan), who, along with a disgruntled satyr (Danny DeVito), a mordant maiden (Susan Egan) and a flying horse, attempts to tempt the Fates.

But their friendship is tested when one of them is found to be in league with Hades.

Disney’s adaptation of the demigod, Hercules is one of the few Disney cartoon’s aimed at boys. A fact not lost in the swordplay and super-sized monsters.

Furthermore, the reason boys relate to Hercules is because they don’t know who their father is either.

He has a Demigod Complex. He's the...

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Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s an Evil Eye Doctor. He’s the...

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Week of October 31, 2014

Curses only work on the blessed. First up…

 
​
Deliver Us from Evil

The best way to coax a demon out of a human is with executive-producer credit on the movie based on its life.

Unfortunately, this horror movie is only inspired by, not based on, its demonic source material.

New York cop Ralph (Eric Bana) and his partner (Joel McHale) find themselves enmeshed in a number of strange cases around town.

Eventually Ralph comes across a Spanish priest (Édgar Ramírez) who not only encourages him to harness his latent intuition, but also helps Ralph track down an Iraq War veteran (Sean Harris) possessed by a demonic spirit.

To make matters worse, the demon has kidnapped Ralph’s wife (Olivia Munn) and daughter.

Inspired by the real-life officer, Deliver Us from Evil relies too heavily on pop-up scares for its frights, while the religious undertones are wafer thin, and the acting unintentionally comical.

Incidentally, cops and priests usually only congregate during child-porn ring busts.  Red Light

​​

Begin Again

Having to explain what an acoustic guitar is to your audience is the hardest part of being a singer/songwriter today.

Fortunately the songstress in this musical has found a producer familiar with her analog instrument.

Contemplating moving home after breaking-up with her writing partner (Adam Levine), Gretta (Keira Knightley) is dissuaded by a freshly fired music executive, Dan (Mark Ruffalo), who offers her a contract.

Recording around NYC with a skeleton crew, including Dan’s daughter (Hailee Steinfeld) on guitar, Gretta garners that organic sound she was looking for.

But when Dan leverages the album to get his job back, Gretta rethinks how she wants to distribute her work, and for how much.
With decent songs, amiable performances and ample jabs at the fading industry, Begin Again explores artistry and its significance in today’s online retail market effortlessly.

Furthermore, illegally downloading music seriously impacts Billboard’s Hot 100 for that particular week. Green Light

***Over-top of the Charts***


Phantom of the Paradise

Rock stars are rarely possessed because demons want to live past the age of 27.

Or, in the case of the horror-musical, the possessed want to live…forever.

Winslow (William Finley) has his compositions stolen by a corrupt music hall owner, Swan (Paul Williams), looking to use them at the opening of his latest venture: The Paradise.

To keep the upset artiste at bay, Swan has him framed and sent to prison.

On his release, he disguises his now-deformed face and haunts the Paradise.

However, Swan sees opportunity and commissions Winslow to create a Faust musical, starring Phoenix (Jessica Harper).

A composite of the aforementioned Faust, Phantom of the Opera and Dorian Grey infused with glam rock ethos, this cult classic resuscitates the sleepy soul selling story-line with style and substance.

Mind you, nowadays, the devil is only interested in buying the souls of female singers under the age of 18.

He Sold His Soul Music Collection. He’s the…

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Friday, October 24, 2014

Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Chauvinistic Pig Farmer. He’s the…

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Week of October 24, 2014

You should only make sex tapes on BETA. First up…

 

Sex Tape

The good thing about a sex tape is no one will ever see it because all the VCRs are buried in the desert.

Unfortunately for the couple in this comedy the term refers to all amateur porn.

Annie (Cameron Diaz) decides to stop complaining about post-pregnancy sex on her blog and instead tries to reignite her husband’s (Jason Segel) wick by sending the kids away for the night.

To spice things up, they record their session with an iPad.

But when the footage gets leaked to their friends, they are blackmailed by an unlikely source asking for $25,000.

An Apple commercial masquerading as a bawdy comedy, Sex Tape crams the company’s product line into every painfully unfunny and unrealistic scene.
While the duo is relatable, their improbable situations are not.

Besides, when you experiment with sex tapes you could end up getting something completely disgusting, like, a show on E!  Red Light


The Purge: Anarchy

The sad thing about hunting Americans for sport is that they’re so obese they’re tired after running 10 paces.

Luckily, the prey in this horror-thriller has a vehicle.

To lower crime, LA holds an annual cull - legalized murder for one night.

Trying to get home before it begins, Shane (Zach Gilford) and Liz (Kiele Sanchez) align themselves with a vengeful cop (Frank Grillo) and two women he rescued from Purgers.

Unfortunately, those women are being stalked by a gang of masked murderers collecting the poor for the rich in exchange for money.

With the action happening outside as opposed to inside, like its predecessor, Anarchy offers a blue-collar perspective on the yearly bloodletting.
While the ideology continues to fascinate and the killings carry on the brutality, the characters and the plot still don’t reach their full potential.  

Incidentally, without the poor, city streets would be littered with unreturned beer bottles.  Yellow Light


***Televiolence***

Series 7: The Contenders

The best part of watching people kill each other on TV is betting on who the winner will be.

By the way, the returning champ in this dark comedy is not a sure bet.

If Dawn (Brooke Smith) survives the next round of the kill-or-be-killed reality show The Contenders, her and her unborn baby will go free.

However, included in the other 5 random contestants is Dawn’s ailing ex-boyfriend (Glenn Fitzgerald) who wants her to be the one who terminates him.

Meanwhile, the other contestants accumulate weapons and begin stalking the title-holder.

Things get worse when Dawn goes into labor.

Narrated by Will Arnett, this 2001 satire of the-then fledgling genre is told entirely through reality camera lens - a method that can be comical and constrictive on the narrative.

Fortunately, the violence and soundtrack help round the edges.

Incidentally, if contestants sang while killing, this show would be even bigger.

He’s a Reality TV Dinner. He’s the…

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Thursday, October 16, 2014

Be Kind, Please Rewind


He’s a Good Time Traveler. He’s the…

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Week of October 17, 2014

The future is the past without all the losers. First up…


X-Men: Days of Future Past 

Professor X’s real mutant power has always been his handicapped-parking pass.

Disappointingly, the paralyzed patriarch in this sci-fi film can walk.

With Sentinels exterminating mutants in the future, Charles (Patrick Stewart) and Erik (Ian McKellen) send Logan’s (Hugh Jackman) mind back to 1973 to stop Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence) from assassinating the creator (Peter Dinklage) of the mutant-killing robots.

To accomplish this before Kitty’s (Ellen Page) connection to the past snaps, Logan must convince a drug-addled Charles (James McAvoy) to join him, Beast (Nicholas Hoult) and Magneto (Michael Fassbender) in preventing the future from happening.

Taking a more measured approach to story pacing, usage of the copious characters and the twin timelines, this fifth installment in the mutant franchise - which was adapted from the Claremont/Byrne comic book arc - is a highlight of the series.

Incidentally, while he’s in the 1970s, Wolverine might as well eviscerate the inventor of Disco.  Green Light


Live. Die. Repeat: Edge of Tomorrow 

When traveling to the past it’s important to wear time-appropriate clothing, but with a future swagger.

Unfortunately, the journeyman in this sci-fi film wears a battle-suit, not a sideways powered wig.

PR officer Major Cage (Tom Cruise) is abruptly thrust into the alien war he’s publicizing.

Despite repeated objections, he’s deployed to the battlefield in a heavily-duty exoskeleton. When dosed with alien blood, he’s also outfitted with the ability to relive the previous day after dying.

Aided by a former traveler (Emily Blunt), Cage repeats the same day over until he can kill the head alien.

Inspired by a Japanese pulp tale, Edge of Tomorrow uses the short story’s provocative narrative, along with two likable leads and dynamic effects, to forge an unforgettable, and at times acutely humorous, time-travel adventure.

Incidentally, the smartest way to use time-travel in war is to go back to before you mooned that nuclear-armed dictator.  Green Light


Mr. Peabody & Sherman 

When time-traveling with a dog it’s important to sedate them before locking them in their kennel.

However, drugging the time-shifting pooch in this animated movie might not be a wise idea.

When his adopted son Sherman (Max Charles) acts up at school, the scholarly beagle, Mr. Peabody (Ty Burrell), invites the parents of Sherman’s bully, Penny (Ariel Winter), to dinner.

When Penny disputes Sherman’s claims that his father invented a time machine he takes her back to Ancient Egypt to prove it.

By disobeying his father’s direct orders not to time-travel, Sherman generates a paradox in the space/time continuum that threatens all in existence, past and present.

While its jokes never reach the level of hilarity its computer-animated counterparts do, this adaptation of the cartoon short from The Rocky & Bullwinkle Show is edifying and overall entertaining kids fare.

But regardless of the time period, talking dog always tastes great. Yellow Light


A Million Ways to Die in the West

Typical funeral arrangements in the Old West involved selecting the six buzzards you wanted to clean your bones.

However, this comedy doesn’t delve into post-mortem procedures.

Recently dumped by his girlfriend (Amanda Seyfried), sheep-farmer Albert (Seth MacFarlane) finds himself in hot water when he becomes intimate with Anna (Charlize Theron), the bride of notorious outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson).

But a chance encounter with a tribe of peyote smoking Native Americans, and sharp-shooting lessons from Anna, preps the cowardly herder for his pending duel against Leatherwood.

Written, directed, and starring Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane, A Million Ways to Die in the West neglects to include it’s flat jokes as another means of expiring out West.

Pitiable comedy aside, its paint-by-numbers plot, lifeless performances, and static direction also contribute to this dross comedy’s death rattle.

Furthermore, when you died in the Old West you were usually reincarnated as a spittoon.  Red Light

***Olden Time Travel***


Back to the Future Part III

The best part of time traveling to the Old West is not feeling shame over soliciting prostitutes.

Unfortunately, the time-spanning teenager in this comedy-adventure doesn’t have time for hanky-panky.

Thrust backwards along the arrow of time inside a DeLorean, Marty (Michael J. Fox) finds himself in his hometown of Hill Valley, circa 1885.

Tasked with tracking down his inventor friend Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) before his untimely death at the hands of Mad Dog Tannen (Thomas F. Wilson), Marty struggles to adapt to the rugged time period.

And though he finds his mentor, their way home is out of gas.

Unable to reach the velocity needed to jump, Doc must use the fastest transportation of the day - a train.

Unable to sustain the action, excitement, or laughs from the sequel, this final installment merely completes this semi-satisfactory trilogy.

Incidentally, a time-traveling horse would have been a more economical choice.

He’s a Part-Time Traveler. He’s the… 

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Thursday, October 2, 2014

Be Kind, Please Rewind


He’s a Reaction Figure. He’s the…

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Week of October 3, 2014

Boxed action figures can't give you lead poisoning. First up…


Transformers: Age of Extinction

The most important ally any machine with moving parts can have is WD-40.

Unfortunately the rusting robots in this action movie are without.

Amateur inventor Cade (Mark Wahlberg) stumbles on a dilapidated semi truck that turns out to be Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen).

Elsewhere, a rogue CIA agent (Kelsey Grammer) intent on eradicating the transformers pairs with a scientist (Stanley Tucci) close to unlocking their transformative properties.

Now Cade, his daughter (Nicola Peltz), and the Autobots must stop the human-made transformer Galvatron from amassing an army of Decepticon.

With nauseating camera-work, unnecessary product placement and a 3-hour go-nowhere plot, this 4th installment in the franchise may introduce new humans and inhumans to the cast, but they can’t conceal the fact that Michael Bay is still the director.

What’s more, there comes a time in every transformer’s life when they just need to transform into an ethnic food truck and retire.  Red Light


Million Dollar Arm 

It makes sense that Hindi-speaking athletes would gravitate towards baseball since there’s a team called the Indians.

Racial epithets aside this sports-drama does involve players from India.

When down-and-out sports agent J. B. Bernstein (Jon Hamm) vacillates between a televised cricket match and a singing competition, he formulates a plan to invigorate his firm with talent from India.

Convinced he’ll find the next great baseball pitcher through a reality TV show format, J.B. enlists a cantankerous scout (Alan Arkin) to be a judge in the competition.

Eventually, J.B. discovers two worthy candidates (Suraj Sharma, Madhur Mittal) and ships them back to America to try out for the majors.

Based on a true story, Million Dollar Arm is a boilerplate feel-good Disney sports movie that concludes as expected, with no complexity or ingenuity required.

On a related note, females traveling to India alone should always bring a baseball bat with them.  Yellow Light


The Grand Seduction 

The best part of living in Newfoundland is you can move to Alberta to work.

Mind you, the Newfies in this comedy hope to get into the oil game without leaving their isolated harbour.

In order to entice big oil to their down-and-out community, the mayor (Brendan Gleeson) must first secure a town doctor.

His prayers are answered when a townie blackmails a cokehead plastic surgeon (Taylor Kitsch) into being the local medic for a month.

Their endgame, however, is for him to stay permanently, so they feign interest in Cricket, Jazz and Indian cuisine for his sake.
Meanwhile, the postmistress (Liane Balaban) refuses to participant in the town’s con. 

Despite its shaky plot points and tacked-on love story, this remake of a Francophone comedy has enough heart, humour and oddball characters to make up for its shortcomings.

But in reality, unemployed Newfies should be seducing the Cod to spawn.  Green Light 


Chef

The best thing about owning a food truck is you can easily elude the health inspector.

Mind you, the meals-on-wheels in this dramedy appear on the up-and up.

Tired of being at the mercy of his boss’ (Dustin Hoffman) outmoded menu and humiliated by an online food critic (Oliver Platt), Carl (Jon Favreau) quits his head chef job.

On the advice of his ex-wife (Sofía Vergara), he goes to Miami to refurbish a dilapidated taco truck with his social media savvy son (Emjay Anthony) and former cook (John Leguizamo).

With his son documenting their return trip on Twitter, Carl’s Cuban food truck forms a huge following, including former detractors.

With a heavy web presence and little footing in reality, Chef evokes more sentimentality through online montages accompanied by feel-good songs than it does through any discourse between father and son.

Incidentally, when you dine on the street the homeless are your busboys.  Yellow Light

***Soylent Green Beans***


Delicatessen

In a post-apocalyptic future the world’s Cheez Whiz supply would have to be used to re-caulk all the buildings.

Thankfully the tenants in this sci-fi comedy don’t have to lick cracks for sustenance.

On the ground floor of a dilapidated apartment is a butcher (Jean-Claude Dreyfus) who always has fresh meat despite there being a food shortage.

Answering an ad in the newspaper, Louison (Dominique Pinon) lands the job of assistant to the butcher.

Eventually Louison’s charms win over the butcher’s daughter Julie (Marie-Laure Dougnac). But with her father planning on putting Louison on the menu, she seeks the assistance of an underground cell of rebellious vegetarians. 

Conceptualized by the director of Amélie, Delicatessen is a quirky cannibal love-story crammed with eccentric characters that never takes itself too seriously, or too lighthearted.

Furthermore, with all the hormones and preservatives we ingest, human meat would have a very long shelf life.

He’s a Vienna Sausage Party. He’s the…

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