Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Good Time Traveler. He’s the…

Vidiot 

Week of October 17, 2014

The future is the past without all the losers. First up…

X-Men: Days of Future Past 

Professor X’s real mutant power has always been his handicapped-parking pass.

Disappointingly, the paralyzed patriarch in this sci-fi film can walk.

With Sentinels exterminating mutants in the future, Charles (Patrick Stewart) and Erik (Ian McKellen) send Logan’s (Hugh Jackman) mind back to 1973 to stop Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence) from assassinating the creator (Peter Dinklage) of the mutant-killing robots.

To accomplish this before Kitty’s (Ellen Page) connection to the past snaps, Logan must convince a drug-addled Charles (James McAvoy) to join him, Beast (Nicholas Hoult) and Magneto (Michael Fassbender) in preventing the future from happening.

Taking a more measured approach to story pacing, usage of the copious characters and the twin timelines, this fifth installment in the mutant franchise - which was adapted from the Claremont/Byrne comic book arc - is a highlight of the series.

Incidentally, while he’s in the 1970s, Wolverine might as well eviscerate the inventor of Disco.  Green Light

Live. Die. Repeat: Edge of Tomorrow 

When traveling to the past it’s important to wear time-appropriate clothing, but with a future swagger.

Unfortunately, the journeyman in this sci-fi film wears a battle-suit, not a sideways powered wig.

PR officer Major Cage (Tom Cruise) is abruptly thrust into the alien war he’s publicizing.

Despite repeated objections, he’s deployed to the battlefield in a heavily-duty exoskeleton. When dosed with alien blood, he’s also outfitted with the ability to relive the previous day after dying.

Aided by a former traveler (Emily Blunt), Cage repeats the same day over until he can kill the head alien.

Inspired by a Japanese pulp tale, Edge of Tomorrow uses the short story’s provocative narrative, along with two likable leads and dynamic effects, to forge an unforgettable, and at times acutely humorous, time-travel adventure.

Incidentally, the smartest way to use time-travel in war is to go back to before you mooned that nuclear-armed dictator.  Green Light

Mr. Peabody & Sherman 

When time-traveling with a dog it’s important to sedate them before locking them in their kennel.

However, drugging the time-shifting pooch in this animated movie might not be a wise idea.

When his adopted son Sherman (Max Charles) acts up at school, the scholarly beagle, Mr. Peabody (Ty Burrell), invites the parents of Sherman’s bully, Penny (Ariel Winter), to dinner.

When Penny disputes Sherman’s claims that his father invented a time machine he takes her back to Ancient Egypt to prove it.

By disobeying his father’s direct orders not to time-travel, Sherman generates a paradox in the space/time continuum that threatens all in existence, past and present.

While its jokes never reach the level of hilarity its computer-animated counterparts do, this adaptation of the cartoon short from The Rocky & Bullwinkle Show is edifying and overall entertaining kids fare.

But regardless of the time period, talking dog always tastes great. Yellow Light

A Million Ways to Die in the West

Typical funeral arrangements in the Old West involved selecting the six buzzards you wanted to clean your bones.

However, this comedy doesn’t delve into post-mortem procedures.

Recently dumped by his girlfriend (Amanda Seyfried), sheep-farmer Albert (Seth MacFarlane) finds himself in hot water when he becomes intimate with Anna (Charlize Theron), the bride of notorious outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson).

But a chance encounter with a tribe of peyote smoking Native Americans, and sharp-shooting lessons from Anna, preps the cowardly herder for his pending duel against Leatherwood.

Written, directed, and starring Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane, A Million Ways to Die in the West neglects to include it’s flat jokes as another means of expiring out West.

Pitiable comedy aside, its paint-by-numbers plot, lifeless performances, and static direction also contribute to this dross comedy’s death rattle.

Furthermore, when you died in the Old West you were usually reincarnated as a spittoon.  Red Light

***Olden Time Travel***

Back to the Future Part III

The best part of time traveling to the Old West is not feeling shame over soliciting prostitutes.

Unfortunately, the time-spanning teenager in this comedy-adventure doesn’t have time for hanky-panky.

Thrust backwards along the arrow of time inside a DeLorean, Marty (Michael J. Fox) finds himself in his hometown of Hill Valley, circa 1885.

Tasked with tracking down his inventor friend Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) before his untimely death at the hands of Mad Dog Tannen (Thomas F. Wilson), Marty struggles to adapt to the rugged time period.

And though he finds his mentor, their way home is out of gas.

Unable to reach the velocity needed to jump, Doc must use the fastest transportation of the day - a train.

Unable to sustain the action, excitement, or laughs from the sequel, this final installment merely completes this semi-satisfactory trilogy.

Incidentally, a time-traveling horse would have been a more economical choice.

He’s a Part-Time Traveler. He’s the… 

Vidiot