Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Permanent Re-marker. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of January 26, 2011

Writers live in utter scrawler. 

RED

If you’re superannuated from the CIA, the acronym RED stands for Retired, Extremely Dangerous.

However, if you’re a regular pensioner, RED just means Retired, Extreme Dementia.

And while ex-CIA agent Frank (Bruce Willis) is compos mentis in this action/comedy, to him the definition of RED is Retired, Extreme Doting.

Spending the majority of his retirement chatting via phone with pension representative Sarah (Mary-Louise Parker), Frank is stunned when his black-ops past comes back to haunt him in the form of a CIA hit squad.

With Sarah’s life now in jeopardy and an upstart agent (Keith Urban) on his trail, Frank convenes with his former-hit squad (Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren) and together they wage war on their former agency and a sadistic presidential hopeful.

Based on Warren Ellis’ comic book, RED is rich with laughs and bullets, a risqué combination that hasn’t worked since that tragic comedy club shooting.  0

Secretariat

Unlike human steroid users, when a racehorse dopes, any genital shrinkage is inconsequential, since they’re a horse.

And while the big red thoroughbred in this bio-drama doesn’t do drugs, he certainly performs like he does.

When her father (Scott Glen) takes ill, a naïve yet determined housewife, Penny Chenery (Diane Lane), decides to manage his stables.

With little knowledge of the sport of horseracing, she taps retired trainer Lucien Laurin (John Malkovich) to cultivate her hopeful colt. Reluctant off the gate, once he sees the foal run, Lucien commits.

With her team in place, Penny takes her pony to the track where it becomes legendary.

Based on the true story of the Triple Crown winning wonder horse, Secretariat may gallop on familiar ground, but its heartwarming nature is sincere.  

What’s more, whoever watches it the fastest gets a garland of roses and all the chaff and oats they can eat!  0

Saw: The Final Chapter

Sure they say it’s the “final chapter” but you know there’s going to be a Saw: The Epilogue, Saw: The Addendum, and Saw: The Author’s Bio and Photo.

Oops! Apparently, this isn’t the novel version of the popular torture-horror franchise, but the series’ conclusion.

When Bobby (Sean Patrick Flanery) writes a book about his heroic escape from one of Jigsaw’s famed death traps, he becomes a best-selling author.

Later when Bobby’s claims are exposed as lies, the cop posing as the deceased Jigsaw (Costas Mandylor) kidnaps him, his wife and his manager, and locks them in an insane asylum where they must best his elaborate devices for real.

Elsewhere, Jigsaw’s ex-wife (Betsy Russell) seeks police asylum from her husband’s apprentice.

While the traps are still clever, the intricate storyline that’s been building over the previous 6 installments fizzles.   

Besides, if we start killing dishonest authors, God would be in trouble.  0   

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets’ Nest

If you’re planning to kick a hornets’ nest, it’s advised that you kick a bag of EpiPens directly afterwards. 

And while the girl in the conclusion to the Millennium Trilogy isn’t literally kicking a hornets’ nest, she is stirring up trouble for retired members of the Swedish Security Service.

Waking up in a hospital, after being shot by her former Soviet agent father and hulking half-brother, hacker Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace) struggles to stay alive long enough to see the doctor who raped her go to jail.

Meanwhile, journalist Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist) and his editor receive death threats for their coverage of Lisbeth’s trial.

Though it ties up the loose ends, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets’ Nest does so in a confusing, tedious fashion, with far less oomph than the trilogy’s antepenultimate and penultimate installments.

Besides, why kick hornets’ when it’s more fun to tear their wings off?  0

***On An Equestrian***

The Black Stallion

The best thing about being stranded on an island with a horse is that you get you’re own private handsome cab.

And while the steed in this drama isn’t pulling a buggy, a tiny person is riding on its back.

When the ship they are traveling on begins to sink, Alec (Kelly Reno) rescues a wild Arabian stallion from drowning. Later, they awaken on an uninhabited island, where the fickle foal and the patient young boy slowly begin to bond.

When they return to America, they take that relationship one length further and hook up with a retired jockey (Mickey Rooney), who begins to train the newly christened “The Black” as a racehorse and Alec as its jockey.

Exemplifying the unspoken connection between horse and rider perfectly, The Black Stallion is an honest and inspiring family classic. Even if, the real bond in horseracing is between racehorse and riding crop.

He’s a Thorough-in-bred. He’s the…

Vidiot

Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s Flashing Before Your Eyes. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of January 20, 2011

If you love photography, you’d better love weddings. First up…

The Switch

In order to obtain a baby these days, all a childless couple has to do is solicit the rejects from the Teen Mom auditions.

Unfortunately, if you’re a single parent, like the one in this comedy, finding the time to harass a 16-year-old for their bastard is tough.

When Kassie’s (Jennifer Aniston) maternal clock starts ticking, she must obey.

But since the only man in her life happens to be her neurotic friend Wally (Jason Bateman), she opts for artificial insemination.

However, that doesn’t sit well with Wally, who switches the donor’s (Patrick Wilson) sperm for his own.

Seven years later, he must atone for his transgression when Kassie and her neurotic son return to NYC.

Focused more on the male lead than the female, The Switch is a guy-friendly romantic-comedy. Unfortunately, its charm lacks stamina.

Furthermore, what guy wouldn’t want to leave someone else’s sperm behind all the time? 0

Takers

The best way for criminals to avoid the curse of the “one last job” is to quit on their second last job.

Unfortunately, the retiring robbers in this thriller went ahead with their last heist. What’s more they allowed their recently paroled comrade to organize it.

After he is released from prison, Ghost (T.I.) wastes no time in contacting his former crew (Idris Elba, Paul Walker, Hayden Christensen, Michael Ealy and Chris Brown) about putting something together.

Although they are skeptical, his former cohorts ultimately decide to join Ghost in holding up an armoured trunk.

Meanwhile, a persistent police officer (Matt Dillon) gets wind of their plans and tries to abate them.

While the story lacks character development and originality, Takers does boast some decent shootouts.

As for the best way to rob an armoured truck driver: stand outside the bank in a giant sack with a $ on it. 0

Buried

The best part of burying someone alive is that you don’t have to waste money on embalming fluid.

And while the man in this mystery wasn’t buried alive to save money, he is submerged six-feet-under regardless.

When Paul (Ryan Reynolds), an American truck driver working in Iraq, wakes up inside of a wooden casket buried in the desert, he’s told by his kidnapper that he must raise $5M if he wants to live.

Using his cell phone, he contacts his family, his employer, and his government for help, but only gets the runaround, red tape and reprimanded for his past indiscretions.

Told entirely from the cramped confines of the makeshift sarcophagus, Buried is an ingenuous thriller that doesn’t concede from constricting the viewer until it has reached its contentious crescendo.

The easiest way, however, to get your grave excavated via cell phone is to order a pepperoni and shovel pizza.  0

***Dinner Departing***

Rope

Usually, when there’s a corpse at your dinner party, it means that the nude woman covered in sushi has died.

However, in the case of this twisted get-together thrown by a pair of arrogant academics, the stiff is intentional.

After strangling their former school chum–in order to commit the perfect crime–Brandon (John Dall) and Phillip (Farley Granger) store the carcass in a wooden chest. 

To further prove their brilliance, the erudite pair invites the victim's father, fiancée, and their old teacher (Jimmy Stewart) to dinner, where the chest and its macabre contents serve as the centerpiece.

Though the guests are blissfully unaware of the corpse, the astute educator begins to suspect foul play.

Directed by Alfred Hitchcock, Rope is a cerebral cat and mouse yarn told entirely from the living room of a posh Manhattan apartment.

Furthermore, once rigor mortis sets in you got yourself a mushroom bar.

He's the Main Coarse. He's the...

Vidiot

Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s Filing for Chapter 2011. He’s the….

Vidiot

Week of January 13, 2011

There should be no bills until February. First up…

The Social Network

Usually, when a nerd invents something, it is promptly captured, decapitated, and the stolen panties returned to the girls’ dormitory.

However, in the case of this dorkenstein, his creation was allowed to flourish.

After he is dumped, a supercilious Harvard student, Mark (Jesse Eisenberg), creates a vicious website that attracts the affluent eyes of the Winklevoss twins (Armie Hammer).

After agreeing to program a social networking website for them, Mark then takes their concept to his benefactor Eduardo (Andrew Garfield) and begins work on his own social network.

When the site launches, so, too, do lawsuits from the twins, as well as Eduardo.

The analysis of an asshole, The Social Network is a profound film, thanks to director David Fincher and Jesse Eisenberg’s haunting performance.

And the best thing about communicating via electronic devices is that–just like in real-world conversations–you never have to look away from the screen.  0

Piranha

If piranhas were smart, they would spend less time eating humans and more time winning live cow eating contests.

Unfortunately, the ferocious fish in this horror movie would rather masticate mammaries at the beach than hit the circuit.

When an earthquake opens a fissure at the bottom of an Arizona lake, a prehistoric race of super piranha is released upon throngs of unsuspecting spring breakers.

Now, it is up to the sheriff (Elisabeth Shue) and a seismologist (Adam Scott) to not only rescue her children from an adult film director’s (Jerry O'Connell) boat, but also find a way of abating the bloodthirsty beasties.

Chockfull of nude babes, ravenous game, and preposterous amounts of gore, this remake stays true to its roots, while still managing to appeal to modern audiences insatiable bloodlust.

And while hungry piranhas are bad, what’s worse is that it’s spring break, so they’re probably also really stoned.  0

Alpha and Omega

Gift shopping for a she-wolf must be difficult, since they already own a permanent fur coat.

Fortunately, the male wolf in this animated movie isn’t expected to purchase any luxuries for his she-wolf.

A pair of polar opposite wolves from Jasper National Park, Kate (Hayden Panettiere) and Humphrey (Justin Long), are relocated to a park in Idaho where they are expected to repopulate the wolf species.

Desperate to return to their home–where both of their wolf packs are warring over communal hunting grounds–Kate and Humphrey seek the travel guidance of a French-Canadian goose (Larry Miller).

Ill-conceived and poorly animated, Alpha and Omega is schlocky at best. The story is familiar, the subject matter is abnormal and the musical numbers featuring the wolves singing and dancing on their hindquarters is off-putting.

Besides, why would a couple of hungry wolves ever return to Canada when Americans are so much plumper?  0

***Nerd World Order***

Pirates of Silicon Valley

Customarily, a revolutionary should be persuasive, have bravado and weird facial hair.

And while the two visionaries in this docudrama lack all of the above, they did birth the digital revolution.

During the making of Apple’s seminal 1984-inspired commercial, Steve Jobs (Noah Wyle) recounts the events that lead to this point.

Flashing back and fourth across timelines, from his school days at Berkeley, where he and Steve Wozniak (Joey Slotnick) planted the first Apple seed, to his triumphant 1997 return to the company, Pirates of Silicon Valley doesn’t hold back, especially when it comes to Jobs’ ongoing rivalry with Harvard dropout and competitor Bill Gates (Anthony Michael Hall).

Though it is a bit corny, this 1999 made-for-TV-movie is an intriguing look at the two men, their companies and the purportedly stolen software that made them both gods.

In fact, without them, I’d have to write this wihto ut spel chek.

He's Casting a Spell Check. He's the...

Vidiot  

Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s Epiphunny. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of January 6, 2011

Get ready for some in-your-faith comedy? First up…

Dinner for Schmucks

The best thing about inviting schmucks to dinner is that you can serve them breakfast and they’ll never grasp the irony.

However, the dolt in this rambunctious comedy may not even possess the smarts to make it to the meal.  

After landing a Swiss mogul (David Walliams), the tenacious Tim (Paul Rudd) is finally recognized by the higher ups at his firm. Unfortunately that involves participating in their twisted games.

When his boss (Bruce Greenwood) orders him to invite a putz to a dinner where all of the executives can mock them, Tim abides.

But, by inviting an eccentric part-time taxidermist (Steve Carell) to the feast, Tim may have bitten off more than he can chew.

Despite its illustrious cast, this English remake of The Dinner Game fails to dish-out even one comedic morsel.

Furthermore, inviting idiots to a resplendent repast is a necessity – who’s going to wash the dishes?  0

Machete

Immigrants are employed in low-paying jobs because the enactment of child labour laws made it illegal for babies to drive you to the airport.

And while a child could fertilize your lawn, why not do as this satire suggests and get a Mexican to do it.

Left for dead by a drug czar (Steven Seagal), a betrayed Federale (Danny Trejo) is reborn as a Mexican folk hero.

Hell-bent on revenge, he partners with an ICE agent (Jessica Alba) and a radical (Michelle Rodriguez).

Together, they uncover a Mexican extradition scheme backed by a treacherous businessman (Jeff Fahey) and a xenophobic Senator (Robert De Niro).

The full-length feature of Robert Rodriguez’ movie trailer for Grind House, Machete exceeds expectations: the violence is visceral, the gore is grandiose and the message of dissent is delivered. 

Ironically, by starring in a major motion picture, the Mexican lead has now become a myth himself.  0

The Last Exorcism

While demonic possession is a bad thing, having a constant body temperature of 198.6 degrees would cut your heating bill in half.

Unfortunately, the vessel for evil in this malevolent mockumentary may not even know she’s hosting the beast.

With a camera crew documenting his every move, former teen evangelist turned cynical charlatan Reverend Marcus (Patrick Fabian) embarks on his final exorcism.

Summoned to an isolated community where a girl (Ashley Bell) is possessed by the "Devil", the Reverend soon discovers she is actually pregnant.

With no boyfriend evident, the Reverend suspects that the girl may be the victim of incest; however, the truth behind her child’s conception is much more haunting.

Weaving a delicate mystery in amongst the standard shaky-cam scares, The Last Exorcism uses its low-budget logic to mastermind an unsettling stunner.

As for those who don’t believe in demonic possession – what do you think PMS is?  0

Case 39 

The reason why demons prefer to inhabit females over males is probably because their hot flashes remind them of home.

And while the female in this horror-thriller hasn’t reached menopause yet, a demonic spirit does occupy her body.

When do-gooder, social worker, Emily (Renée Zellweger), accepts her 39th case, she is ecstatic to once again help a child in need.

Arriving at the Sullivan home, however, she is shocked to discover how blatant the abuse against 10-year-old Lillith (Jodelle Ferland) is.

Ordering the immediate detainment of the parents, Emily takes Lillith home with her. A gesture she later regrets when she learns Lillith is a demon that thrives on kindness.

Though the story is unbalanced and the acting tacky, Case 39 is salvageable thanks to its rare glimpses of demonic brilliance.

In fact, I hope this encourages social workers to leave those troubled kids alone and take home a meth-head instead.  0

Catfish

The best thing about Internet dating is that–as a guy–you don’t have to pay for anything.

Unfortunately, the online lothario in this handheld mockumentary does have to pay for food and gas, because he and his camera crew are going to meet his “girlfriend” for the first time.

After one of his photos appears in the newspaper, Nev (Yaniv Schulman) begins to receive paintings from an 8-year-old girl in Michigan.

Maintaining an online relationship with the child and her mother–who attests her daughter’s art sells for thousands of dollars–Nev is later introduced to the eldest: Megan. Enamored by her profile photo, Nev encourages a face-to-face meeting.

An examination of the social networking phenomenon and the human psyche that feeds it, Catfish is a movie that's deceptive and demeaning as well as heart-wrenchingly real.

That’s not to say that love can’t be found online. It can – but with yourself.  0

***Telephone Poltergeist*** 

Ghost in the Machine

The worst thing about being an online serial killer is that Internet users can leave comments about how “gay” your murders are.

Fortunately, the serial killer caught in cyberspace here can retaliate against such cowardly remarks.

When the Address Book Killer (Ted Marcoux) gets into an accident, he’s taken to the hospital. As his injured body lies inside of an MRI, an electrical storm causes his mind to be transferred into a nearby computer.

Able to continue carrying out his murderous rampage, by possessing electrical appliances, ABK targets Terry (Karen Allen) and the contacts in her little black book.

Now, her and her computer hacker friend must trick the killer into accepting a virus.

Although dated, and poorly acted, this 1993 horror movie has some interesting ideas when it comes to cyber-slayings.

As for how to spot an online serial killer – they’re the one who’s wearing someone else’s profile picture.

He's Turned Online. He's the...

Vidiot  

You Were Kind, You Did Rewind

The Vidiot's Rear-end Reviews 

2010

The Worst in Horror

The Fourth Kind

If alien life forms are really that interested in knowing more intimate details about the human species, they should just follow our Twitter feeds. Unfortunately, it appears as though the aliens in this thriller aren’t as engrossed in cyber-voyeurism as we are.

When her husband mysteriously dies, psychologist Dr. Abbey Tyler (Milla Jovovich) travels to Alaska to continue his research, which involves interviewing people who’ve been traumatized by alien entities. Using hypnosis, Dr. Tyler delves into her patients’ unconscious minds, which ultimately causes them to commit suicide.

Inter-spliced with fake footage of Dr. Tyler’s sessions, The Fourth Kind then inserts the phony footage into a split-screen to contrast the Hollywood reenactment, creating a confusing cinematic experience and wielding negative results.

Besides, if aliens want to snatch people during the night, so be it, so long as they return them in the morning with their DNA unscrambled and their anuses airtight.

The Worst in Romance

Nine

Being a film director is a very arduous job, so it’s no wonder that most choose to save time by making re-makes. However, the visionary view-master in this romantic musical forgoes that status quo, constructing his own vehicle instead...which he has yet to conceive.

With filming on his latest project set to begin, Italian director Guido (Daniel Day-Lewis) slips into a mid-life crisis. Uninspired, he heads to a resort where he mulls over his current loves: his wife (Marion Cotilard); his mistress (Penélope Cruz); his muse (Nicole Kidman); and a journalist (Kate Hudson), all of whom sing a little ditty about Guido.

Based on a stage play inspired by the film 8 1/2, Nine is a shoddy substitute for Federico Fellini’s atypical autobiography: the story is fractured, the songs are forgettable and the filmmaking is flawed.

Besides, everyone knows uninspired directors get their next muse from that other source of imaginative wealth…books.

The Worst in Action

Clash of the Titans

Thanks to the renewed interest in mythology, those of us who’ve remained loyal to the Greek gods won’t look so crazy now sacrificing live oxen on our front lawns.

And while a blood offering is not a prerequisite to perusing this perilous parable, it does pertain to one.

Showing resentment towards the gods, the City of Argos attracts the ire of Zeus (Liam Neeson), Poseidon (Danny Huston) and Hades (Ralph Fiennes).

To teach the mortals a lesson, Hades informs the King of Argos that his daughter Andromeda will be sacrificed to the Kraken in 10 days.

Desperate to save her, the King recruits an imprisoned demigod Perseus (Sam Worthington) to seek the counsel of the Stygian Witches.

Informed by the hags that the only way to kill the Kraken is with the head of the Gorgon, the unproven protagonist must put his wits to the test.

A remake of the 1981 classic, this unwarranted overhaul fails to live up to its predecessor thanks to a wooden lead, clumsy creature designs and a schizophrenic script that’s either too graphic or too goofy.

Furthermore, with Zeus’ history of seducing unsuspecting women, female viewers should probably take a pregnancy test after watching this.

The Worst in Mystery

Whiteout

Finally, they’ve made a movie about correction fluid, which I really hope is shown in smell-o-vision.

Wait a minute. Apparently this isn’t a movie about the cream coloured office supply that allows you to readjust the dollar amount on your paycheck, but a murder-mystery set against the stark backdrop of Antarctica.

With winter setting in, U.S. Marshall Stetko (Kate Beckinsale) must solve Antarctica’s first murder before the evidence is lost in the approaching snowstorm. While investigating, Stetko finds herself embroiled in a much larger conspiracy, which makes her the prime target of the mysterious killer.

Based on a graphic novel, Whiteout’s cinematic equivalent delivers slipshod suspense and amateurish performances. As for the murderer, they’re identity is as apparent as yellow snow.

And, for the record, when killing in a cold climate, be sure to avoid licking the blood off of your knife; your tongue could freeze to the metal blade.  

The Worst in Comedy

The Back-up Plan

Since they won’t care about its existence, teen dads would be the ideal choice for females desperate to conceive.

Nevertheless, the baby crazy, single lady in this rom-com is opting for artificial insemination in lieu of classic copulation.

Independent and unattached, Zoe (Jennifer Lopez) reaches the point where she must enact plan B, if she hopes to be a mother.

Auspiciously, she meets the perfect candidate, Stan (Alex O'Loughlin). Inauspiciously, she’s already been inseminated.

Stepping up to the challenge, Stan vows to raise the child as his own. But when he shows signs of unease, Zoe questions his commitment.

Though a paradigm of modern families, instead of birthing a comedic compendium for odd couples, The Back-up Plan’s parturition is nauseating, narcissistic and naïve: the leads are uneven and the plot is implausible.

I mean, come on, artificial insemination? What guy wants to raise a cyborg baby that’s not even his?

The Worst in Drama

Fame

Surprisingly, the condition known as “fame” is the top career choice amongst the talentless. Unfortunately, since apathy is the top trait amongst the public, their goal is attainable.

Thinking that they have what it takes to attend The High School of Performing Arts in New York, hopefuls strut their stuff for a panel of adjudicators (Debbie Allen and Kelsey Grammer) in order to gain admittance.

Once accepted, the new class (Kay Panabaker and Kherington Payne) learns to cope with the daily rigors of their schedule, which includes honing their skill, be it singing, dancing, or acting.

With nary a narrative to be found, this remake of the 1980 musical abstains from substance and character development, opting instead for numerous impromptu dance routines performed by clichéd high school archetypes.

What’s more, to be famous nowadays, all you need is a camcorder and a diploma from the School of Performing Oral Arts.

The Best In Horror

Splice

When splicing DNA from two different species it is important to remember to omit any “bad” genes, like obesity, poor eyesight, and watermelon seeds.

And while the genetic engineers in this sci-fi horror remembered to exclude those aforementioned heredities, they forgot to remove the “monster” genes.

Unwilling to rest on their laurels, successful splicers Clive (Adrien Brody) and Elsa (Sarah Polley) take their DNA tampering to the next level by creating a humanoid hybrid.

Keeping their creation concealed from their benefactors, the two raise the rapidly developing amalgam on their own.

But as their offspring evolves into a short-tempered teen with extraordinary attributes, the makeshift mom and dad are left impotent in their progeny’s wake.

A caustic commentary on modern science, Splice effortlessly seams two subversive genres together in a way that is both smart and scary.

Unfortunately, it won’t stop me from opening my designer baby kiosk in the mall.

The Best in Romance

Just Wright

Two fates await injured NBA players: the lucky ones join the Harlem Globetrotters; the unlucky ones go to the Nike factory, where they’re turned into sneakers.

The wounded baller in this rom-com, however, has the opportunity to return to the court; unfortunately it involves following the orders of a fanatical physical therapist.

When New York Nets player Scott McKnight (Common) is injured, he’s written off. Fortunately, his trophy wife Morgan hires Leslie Wright (Queen Latifah) to help with his recovery.

But when his return seems inaccessible, Morgan files for divorce.

Heartbroken, Scott turns to Leslie with whom he shares commonalities. But Leslie’s girth proves too much for the star player.

Adding an urban groove to the old book-judging adage, Just Wright manages to put a new spin on a tired cliché.

And while recouping from injury is a joyous occasion, having to give back your disabled parking permit is not.

The Best in Action

Kick-Ass

The reason why regular folks don’t take up the mantle of super-hero is because empathy is their Kryptonite. Also, the hours suck.

Luckily, the idealistic fan-boy in this bawdy comic book movie has the compassion, free time and health coverage needed to combat crime.

Tired of his mild-mannered existence, awkward teen Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) dons an emerald guise and patrols the streets as Kick-Ass.

Garnering celebrity due to a viral video depicting his brutal brand of justice, Kick-Ass soon attracts allies–Big Daddy (Nic Cage) and Hit Girl (Chloë Moretz)–and enemies–Red Mist (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) and Frank D'Amico (Mark Strong).

Based on the comic book by Mark Millar and John Romita, Jr., Kick-Ass is a cocksure concoction of sardonic scenarios, brutal violence and offensive annotations all masterfully mixed together by director Matthew Vaughn.

Sadly, my own comic book alter ego would have to be the obsequious henchmen: Kiss-Ass.

The Best in Mystery

Inception

Being a dream thief sounds kind of cool, so long as you’re not robbing the wet ones. 

Fortunately, the REM raiders in this mind-boggling movie don’t embezzle nocturnal emissions.

Experts at extracting ideas from sleeping subjects, Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) and Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) are hired by a businessman to implant an idea in the mind of his competitor’s son (Cillian Murphy).

To perform this act of “inception”, Cobb must expand his dream team to include an architect (Ellen Page), a shifter (Tom Hardy), and a sedative specialist  (Dileep Rao).

Once in the target’s mind, the team delves through layers of his subconscious, only to be repeatedly sabotaged by the ghost of Cobb’s deceased wife (Marion Cotillard).

The most mold-breaking movie of the millennium, Inception is a smart, stylish, thriller that will leave you resonating with queries.

For example, why is someone telling you about their dream always so boring? 

The Best in Comedy

Youth in Revolt

If today’s youth ever revolts, who will update the Twitter accounts? Who will pick the Teen Choice Award winners? Who will expect top dollar for little or no work ethic?

Thankfully, years of indolence have made it impossible for young folks to care about anything other than their own narrow worlds, which includes their raging hormones.

When 16-year-old introvert Nick (Michael Cera) spends the weekend with his father (Steve Buscemi) in a trailer park, he meets the extroverted Sheeni (Portia Doubleday), who temps the unsullied and inexperienced Nick to no end. Desperate to be with her, Nick creates a sexually experienced persona, Francois, to help him seal the deal with Sheeni. But when his mother (Jean Smart), her boyfriend (Zach Galifianakis), and Sheeni’s on-again off-again boyfriend threaten his romantic plans, Nick must evoke the badass Francois on a more permanent basis.

A wry and witty coming of age tale, Youth in Revolt is surprisingly entertaining: Cera shows he has some acting depth, while the music cues and comedic bits are innovative and inspired.

And while teenage boys rarely create alter egos in order to bed females, there are probably tons of guys who do so after a positive pregnancy test.

The Best in Drama

An Education

Due to high tuition fees, getting an education these days may cost an arm and leg, but in the end it will outfit you with the proper skills needed to fill out unemployment forms.

And while the English bird in this dramedy has yet to even graduate high school, she has already learnt a lot about life, love and criminal activity.

While on her way home from school, 16-year-old Jenny (Carey Mulligan) is offered a ride home from David (Peter Sarsgaard), a worldly suitor nearly twice her senior. Enchanted by his sophistication, Jenny’s parents (Alfred Molina and Cara Seymour) bend to David’s will, which includes escorting their underage daughter to Paris. But when Jenny learns of how David and his mates afford such a lavish lifestyle, she must decide between what is right and what is wrong, even though one allows her unprecedented freedom.

Based on a memoir, An Education is a charming, and alarming, coming-of-age tale which is draped in 1960s couture and saturated in first-rate performances.

As for receiving an education at the hands of an older gentleman, for the sake of your transcripts, make sure he grades your oral performance before he goes into cardiac arrest. 

He's a New Year Old. He's the...

Vidiot