He’s Flashing Before Your Eyes. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of January 20, 2011
If you love photography, you’d better love weddings. First up…
In order to obtain a baby these days, all a childless couple has to do is solicit the rejects from the Teen Mom auditions.
Unfortunately, if you’re a single parent, like the one in this comedy, finding the time to harass a 16-year-old for their bastard is tough.
When Kassie’s (Jennifer Aniston) maternal clock starts ticking, she must obey.
But since the only man in her life happens to be her neurotic friend Wally (Jason Bateman), she opts for artificial insemination.
However, that doesn’t sit well with Wally, who switches the donor’s (Patrick Wilson) sperm for his own.
Seven years later, he must atone for his transgression when Kassie and her neurotic son return to NYC.
Focused more on the male lead than the female, The Switch is a guy-friendly romantic-comedy. Unfortunately, its charm lacks stamina.
Furthermore, what guy wouldn’t want to leave someone else’s sperm behind all the time? 0
Takers
The best way for criminals to avoid the curse of the “one last job” is to quit on their second last job.
Unfortunately, the retiring robbers in this thriller went ahead with their last heist. What’s more they allowed their recently paroled comrade to organize it.
After he is released from prison, Ghost (T.I.) wastes no time in contacting his former crew (Idris Elba, Paul Walker, Hayden Christensen, Michael Ealy and Chris Brown) about putting something together.
Although they are skeptical, his former cohorts ultimately decide to join Ghost in holding up an armoured trunk.
Meanwhile, a persistent police officer (Matt Dillon) gets wind of their plans and tries to abate them.
While the story lacks character development and originality, Takers does boast some decent shootouts.
As for the best way to rob an armoured truck driver: stand outside the bank in a giant sack with a $ on it. 0
Buried
The best part of burying someone alive is that you don’t have to waste money on embalming fluid.
And while the man in this mystery wasn’t buried alive to save money, he is submerged six-feet-under regardless.
When Paul (Ryan Reynolds), an American truck driver working in Iraq, wakes up inside of a wooden casket buried in the desert, he’s told by his kidnapper that he must raise $5M if he wants to live.
Using his cell phone, he contacts his family, his employer, and his government for help, but only gets the runaround, red tape and reprimanded for his past indiscretions.
Told entirely from the cramped confines of the makeshift sarcophagus, Buried is an ingenuous thriller that doesn’t concede from constricting the viewer until it has reached its contentious crescendo.
The easiest way, however, to get your grave excavated via cell phone is to order a pepperoni and shovel pizza. 0
***Dinner Departing***
Rope
Usually, when there’s a corpse at your dinner party, it means that the nude woman covered in sushi has died.
However, in the case of this twisted get-together thrown by a pair of arrogant academics, the stiff is intentional.
After strangling their former school chum–in order to commit the perfect crime–Brandon (John Dall) and Phillip (Farley Granger) store the carcass in a wooden chest.
To further prove their brilliance, the erudite pair invites the victim's father, fiancée, and their old teacher (Jimmy Stewart) to dinner, where the chest and its macabre contents serve as the centerpiece.
Though the guests are blissfully unaware of the corpse, the astute educator begins to suspect foul play.
Directed by Alfred Hitchcock, Rope is a cerebral cat and mouse yarn told entirely from the living room of a posh Manhattan apartment.
Furthermore, once rigor mortis sets in you got yourself a mushroom bar.
He's the Main Coarse. He's the...
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